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Time to yourself when married or living with a SO - Page 4

post #46 of 89
8/22/12 at 1:26pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by NORE View Post

Probs. Try it tonite. Go home, talk for a bit and then go on StyFo do something else for a while without saying anything. See how she reacts. If she igs you and does her own thing, bingo! If she comes over and looks over your shoulder and asks more than 2 questions uhoh.gif
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post #47 of 89
8/22/12 at 1:28pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by gomestar View Post

no need to be paranoid. Women are crazy.

no doubt. each in their own special way. still love em though.
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post #48 of 89
8/22/12 at 1:31pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by in stitches View Post

no doubt. each in their own special way. still love em though.

They get cross training though at those secret women manipulation classes they all go to.
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post #49 of 89
8/22/12 at 1:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

They get cross training though at those secret women manipulation classes they all go to.

they never admit me to those.
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post #50 of 89
8/22/12 at 1:47pm
Thread Starter 
They lie.
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post #51 of 89
8/22/12 at 3:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

I will be in bed when she gets home this evening. I think part of it is we just have such a routine when we are home together post work. Then again when I am with her Style Forum isn't really that desireable to me.
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Not necessarily a problem, but the fact that you share such little time at home does make your situation make more sense. When you don't share the space all that consistently, it feels more like dating and less like "living together." I would suspect that it will just take longer for you to equilibrate.
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post #52 of 89
8/23/12 at 9:40am
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post #53 of 89
8/23/12 at 4:38pm
What I'm hearing about your dilemma, is you're searching for balance. Balance includes time for you, time with your lady, and time with work. You will know when you are hitting the sweet spot for all three, and you will have little tugs within when you are not. Right now you are feeling the tug of Self. Finding out what works for you to maintain that healthy balance will be different from me, and anybody else. We all have different levels of independence and need for attention.

I think that's the discussion that will benefit you both now that you've had a chance to live together for a while. Finding balance in your life helps create a great sense of self and knowing who you are. As a husband and father, it's very easy to lose that balance and feel off kilter.

Good luck P.
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post #54 of 89
8/23/12 at 4:50pm
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post #55 of 89
8/24/12 at 5:23am
I hate being alone aside from the few times I do.
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post #56 of 89
8/24/12 at 8:12am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo_Version 7 View Post

I hate being alone aside from the few times I do.

FYI, Skype = still alone
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post #57 of 89
8/24/12 at 5:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post

FYI, Skype = still alone

lol.

Married for 7 years now, and it feels both like I've been married forever - as in, I forget, except for on business trips, what it was like to be a bachelor. It's nice to have that time together, but doing separate things. We share a home office, which I work from a lot, and she, sometimes. When we are there together, we tend to do our own thing, sometimes pausing to say a few things (often to send one another funny internet stories and laugh about them). Other times, she'll just chill out while I flip the channels, usually watching an action movie or MMA, neither of which she is interested in, though I'll sometimes relent and stop on a romantic comedy or the Food Channel, which is the only channel we really agree on.

Of course, we'll do things together too. We go to the gym together (though our workouts are radically different), and often cook together. Seared sea scallops, rissotto, some sort of bean salad (I'm trying to figure that out now) tonight.

I think that it takes some time to find a comfortable, balanced, routine.
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post #58 of 89
8/24/12 at 7:03pm
Have a kid. Then the last thing either of you will be concerned with is each other.

Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk
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post #59 of 89
8/25/12 at 9:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennglock View Post

Have a kid. Then the last thing either of you will be concerned with is each other.
Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk

laugh.gif
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post #60 of 89
8/28/12 at 4:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by FLMountainMan View Post

I've had a string of one-to-three year relationships and the one thing I repeatedly fucked up on is not communicating what I needed early on. Once the initial euphoria passes in a year or so, you're a lot less inclined to put up with unacceptable (in your mind) behaviors. A week or so of grief is worth the long-term happiness.
FWIW, I used a similar analogy today to try to get our managers to get serious about forcing problem employees out. In our state government, "line staff" (who are making $35,000-$60,000 in a ridiculously cheap city) are somewhat difficult to terminate. So if you've hired a shitty employee, it usually takes three or so months of corrective action plans, documentation and unpleasant interactions. So instead, we don't communicate with the employee, we just work around them. Which sounds acceptable, until you realize that the people will be there for thirty fucking years until they retire, essentially eating up a full-time position with an unproductive worker.
So I compared it to being stuck in a miserable marriage where you don't communicate anymore. To fix it or end it, yes, you will have a few months of grief and stress, but you'll be rewarded with the opportunity to find someone that's a better fit. Or, best case scenario, the other person will see what they're doing that is unacceptable to you and change their behavior.

Agree with this.

Though this is applicable only to cases in which either one is willing to give in on certain behaviors/aspects of the relationship. If both partners are stubborn and stick to their point...
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