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Dating- should the guy always pay for everything?

post #1 of 51
2/22/07 at 3:51pm
Thread Starter 
I have been going out with my girlfriend for 5 months now, and whenever we go anywhere she always seem to expect me to pay for everything. We live in different cities (I in Manchester, she in London), and it's always me that goes to visit her, which obviously costs me money on the train to start off with. I'm 19, and she's 18. She has a lot more money than I do to begin with, and comes from a fairly well off family. I'm living on a student loan and a student overdraft. I know it's traditional for the man to pay for everything in the early stages of a relationship/dating but by this stage I really think we should share costs. She never offers to pay for a single meal, taxi fare, drinks etc unless I ask her to, which I really don't like doing.

I don't think she is being intentionally rude or selfish, its just that money has never meant anything to her. It seems to me that if she wants something, her parents just get it her and she never has to look at the price.

I have tried to hint that I don't have a lot of money but either she doesn't understand or doesn't care.

Is this girl taking the piss or am I being unreasonable/paranoid?

Thanks,

JMB.

PS: She's from Sweden (although has lived here for a number of years). Not sure if that makes a difference, or if dating customs are different there from the UK etc..
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post #2 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:06pm
Some people are going to call this ironic coming from me, but if you can't afford it then you should have a talk with her and let her know that while you enjoy treating her, you feel that she should contribute as well. If she makes an issue of it, get rid of her. Some girls are just oblivious to the real world and the value of money and you only need to mention it once, but others are money-grubbing whores that are looking for men to pay for everything. I don't date the types of girls that I think will never pick-up the bill. It's just the first of many indicators that they're completely self-centered.
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post #3 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:10pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek
Some people are going to call this ironic coming from me, but if you can't afford it then you should have a talk with her and let her know that while you enjoy treating her, you feel that she should contribute as well. If she makes an issue of it, get rid of her. Some girls are just oblivious to the real world and the value of money and you only need to mention it once, but others are money-grubbing whores that are looking for men to pay for everything. I don't date the types of girls that I think will never pick-up the bill. It's just the first of many indicators that they're completely self-centered.
The presence of breasts and other parts should be the first clue that they are completely self-centered Most women who I dated paid sometimes. I think it is better than never paying at all.
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post #4 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:14pm
As far as "money not meaning anything to her", I've dated women who's parents were worth literally tens of millions. They still have a value of money and were quick to realize they had much more than I. They knew exactly what I could afford and were always comfortable helping out.

This is a behavior issue which will probably never change. She's looking to live the lifestyle she has with her parents, and you should both be honest to recognize that's simply something you cannot provide. If you stay together, you'll grow to resent her for expecting too much, she'll resent you for failing expectations, and it'll fall apart.

Leave now while it's easy. 5 months is nothin.
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post #5 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:28pm
When I went back to do my MBA, I don't think that my girlfriend understood what that would mean to my finances.

When we first started dating, we were both professionals. Now, I have negative income after tuition, and she is actually making a lot more money than before.

We had an informal chat about it and I told her what my situation was going to be for this year. We still both pay for stuff, but I can tell that she is finding a way to pick up the more expensive dinners, while I end up getting the pub lunch. Great girl....

Have a chat with your girl. If she can't get the picture, then hey, there must be some cute women in Manchester.

K
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post #6 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:29pm
I will agree with the above comments. She is young of course, but spoilt for sure. Do talk to her about this and keep in mind that a relationship is a give and take for both parts.
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post #7 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:30pm
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post #8 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:31pm
Also, swedish girls are so hot!!!
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post #9 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:38pm
Sounds like she needs to go. This type of behaviour won't get better, it will only get worse. You are only 19 and really don't need to go down the road of spending a ton of money, relatively speaking, for any girl. Plus, you need to leave some money hungry leetches for GQGeek
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post #10 of 51
2/22/07 at 4:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by edmorel
Sounds like she needs to go. This type of behaviour won't get better, it will only get worse. You are only 19 and really don't need to go down the road of spending a ton of money, relatively speaking, for any girl. Plus, you need to leave some money hungry leetches for GQGeek

But but... isn't GQGeek a, you know....erm nevermind, wrong thread

Seriously though, if you cannot afford it you seriously need to either have a quick chat with her about this or you may find yourself rather fast maxing out your credit cards.
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post #11 of 51
2/22/07 at 5:53pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not willing to end it with her, as I really do have a lot of feelings for her. I have said that I don't really have a lot of money at the moment, and I don't really like asking my parents for money if I can help it. I'll see what happens next time we see each other and if she's still always expecting me to pay for stuff then I think it may be time for harsher words to be spoken.
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post #12 of 51
2/22/07 at 6:33pm
You never pay. You never pay. You are the prize. She should pay for enjoying your company. You are the alpha male. You are the rare beast. You never pay. By paying you are lowering your value on her eyes. You never pay. Never. She's using you as long as you pay. You beta male. Stop your wimpish behavior now. Stop paying. You never pay. I don't buy drinks to the girls. They buy me. Never buy drinks to the girls. Never buy, never pay. You are the unique man. Let men with lower status pay. Never pay. Ever never neverever. (Btw, she's using you. She sees you as lower status male cause you pay for her company. She is and she will manipulate you as long as you let her. It's probably too late to fix things now. Find an another girl. And guess what.....Never pay. Again.)
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post #13 of 51
2/22/07 at 6:42pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddy Love
You never pay. You never pay. You are the prize. She should pay for enjoying your company. You are the alpha male. You are the rare beast. You never pay. By paying you are lowering your value on her eyes. You never pay. Never. She's using you as long as you pay. You beta male. Stop your wimpish behavior now. Stop paying. You never pay.

I don't buy drinks to the girls. They buy me. Never buy drinks to the girls. Never buy, never pay. You are the unique man. Let men with lower status pay.

Never pay. Ever never neverever.

(Btw, she's using you. She sees you as lower status male cause you pay for her company. She is and she will manipulate you as long as you let her. It's probably too late to fix things now. Find an another girl. And guess what.....Never pay. Again.)


right mate...
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post #14 of 51
2/22/07 at 7:53pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddy Love
You never pay. You never pay. You are the prize. She should pay for enjoying your company. You are the alpha male. You are the rare beast. You never pay. By paying you are lowering your value on her eyes. You never pay. Never. She's using you as long as you pay. You beta male. Stop your wimpish behavior now. Stop paying. You never pay.

I don't buy drinks to the girls. They buy me. Never buy drinks to the girls. Never buy, never pay. You are the unique man. Let men with lower status pay.

Never pay. Ever never neverever.

(Btw, she's using you. She sees you as lower status male cause you pay for her company. She is and she will manipulate you as long as you let her. It's probably too late to fix things now. Find an another girl. And guess what.....Never pay. Again.)

You sound like a winner, if I was a gay alpha male could I date you?
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post #15 of 51
2/22/07 at 8:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buddy Love
(Btw, she's using you. She sees you as lower status male cause you pay for her company. She is and she will manipulate you as long as you let her. It's probably too late to fix things now. Find an another girl. And guess what.....Never pay. Again.)
+1 Thanks for spelling it out better than I could, BL! You're done, Johnny, you started things off on the wrong foot and apparently they went downhill from there. But look on the brightside: you're lucky to have learned this at 19!
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