The "Create Your Own Marketing Copy" Thread

[GraphicNovelty]

Inspired by the brilliance of Blackbird's marketing copy, I figured we'd create copy for various clothing items (credit for the idea goes to sipang and brad-t).

Who wants to start?

(via)​

 

[brad-t]

Make the ladies bloom with this transcendent button-front shirt from Just Cavalli, a special collection that makes the brilliance of Roberto Cavalli's designs available for pieces of **** like you. What appears from afar as a tree transforms into two hideous dragons, mirroring your inner hostilities and deceptiveness -- facts that will go unnoticed by the broken-faced slovenly drunk woman you've settled for as prey, too busy rubbing her polyester-coated anus against your True Religion jeans. As you cry yourself to sleep lamenting your complete inability to make real emotional connections, the promise of donning this shirt on a guilty cab ride back to your apartment will be the only thing that brings you any comfort.

 

[LA Guy]

Cloth
Button front
boning
Applique
Logo details

 

[A Fellow Linguist]

Object-dyed anatomical cut short sleeve top in washed heavy cotton jersey.

 

[brad-t]

I didn't write this, but it certainly belongs here. From Aloha Rag:

The first days of Spring…those wonderful moments when the Sun shines, flowers bloom and a breeze flows through the air. It’s no accident that you suddenly get the urge to wear pleasant garments that have a feeling of freshness and are definitely less cumbersome than the layers you have spent the last few months under. This is where the light touch of crisp cottons and other airy materials used in classic blazers and clean button up shirts make you walk tall in the sunlight. We have put a few looks together that combine these staples of a springtime wardrobe. Each are classics in their own right, and all sport a unique touch from their respective designers that help them shine. The comfort of these items is what sets them apart, enabling you to fully enjoy the blissful moments of this time of year.

 

[A Fellow Linguist]

Blackbird is full of gems.

The shoulders have a distinct silhouette and the whole effect is slightly 80's while maintaining a healthy dose of modernism by way of the pattern's architecture. The true feature of the jacket is the one button notch jacket that has the button closure robbing the lapel design usually found on the upper chest. Humor, inventiveness, rebelliousness, and highly advanced tailoring all in one superior fitting jacket.

Wearing these shades you become many things: alien hit man, high society recluse, Yoko Ono fanatic, or none of the above. Either way, these sunglasses, which come in a triangular reinforced leather case, are singular, highly desirable, and quite possibly your next fashion obsession.

Another thing to keep in mind about these sunglasses is that you really need to try them on to know the effect on both you and the audience that everyone else instantly becomes upon donning them.

Yes these are hiking boots, yes you will hike in them. But you'll also wear them with absolutely everything else you have in your closet. Brutal comfort, savage design, industrial strength style and a twenty megaton swagger in your walk whilst wearing these laceless zip up title bouts of boot design.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

Have we ever found out what the hell "boning" refers to?

 

[Synthese]

Some of us have. I hear that others wait until marriage.

 

[Bam!ChairDance]

No idea what yoox means, but it's the thin fabric they use to cover seamwork, usually found on unlined jackets

edit: wait maybe I have it confused with taping. oh well

 

[pickpackpockpuck]



Have we ever found out what the hell "boning" refers to?

It's rigid material like wire or stiff strips of fabric used to give a garment structure and shape. Kinda literally like bones. It's used a lot in dressmaking.

 

[patrickBOOTH]



It's rigid material like wire or stiff strips of fabric used to give a garment structure and shape. Kinda literally like bones. It's used a lot in dressmaking.

But everything on their site says it has it.

 

[david3558]

The way Alden's are described make them sound like some EGs or something.

 

[patrickBOOTH]

Let's be real, there isn't much difference between Alden's and EG's except for styling and finish.

 

[KitAkira]

And America. And J.Crew. And horses.

 

[Makeshift_Robot]

Verbatim from hypebeast
"A drastic style shift has occurred within the last few years of menswear. This current decade is now home to countless brands offering meticulously tailored, handcrafted garbs capable of standing the test of time and wear. Opening their eyes to uncharted inspirations, men began to conjure up more and more sartorial experiments that are not only seen on today’s runways but also on our local sidewalks. This transition has lead to a resurgence in traditional design, taking classics that were once branded as outdated and reinterpreting them with modern cuts, materials and of course, a modern attitude. From the Middle Ages to today, one subtle piece that has been recently reintroduced as a wardrobe necessity for every man is the once utilitarian-turned-decorative accessory the handkerchief, or more elegantly named, the pocket square."

Also "boning" might be copywriter speak for "interfacing", which serves a similar purpose and is used in a lot of clothing.