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Seeing my friends succeed in college...Upsets me?

post #1 of 38
Thread Starter 

Being at the age of 21 right now, working off Ebay and living a decent life. The best part of my life is that I have a free schedule..Obviously sometimes I need to go out and restock but for the most part..very decent. Well lately I have been seeing friends who graduated with me and noticing there facebook updates of "Moving to Washington in the morning, starting work on monday!" Or "House shopping, car shopping...What a busy life!"  These things never...got to me. But lately I have been affected emotionally by it. I don't wanna be a cog in the machine, or just another expendable. I know in american life, you are taught to get educated, get a job and live that happy family life with the white picket fence and the new mercedes from the biiiig raise. Well that just isn't what I want. I don't wanna kiss someone's boot as they scuff mine. I want equality as a human being.

 

Why am i getting so upset of the success of my classmates? Why do I care about their lives so much?...Could it be that I live at home? I know plenty of people who are happy at home at the age of 21. Is it because I need to make the dough? Well maybe, but right now I am doing well financially. Should I just join them and get $50,000+ in debt and sell my soul to a company for 40+ yearss? Would that make me happy?

 

I am just curious about the others out there. Did you do the american dream and goto school and now are happy with their life?

Or did you pull away and do something you loved and stayed happy? Thanks for listening to my appeal. Feel free to respond. I would love to get incite on your decision, your life and your dreams.

 

Thank you,

 

Beck

post #2 of 38

jealousy/envy is a common failing

it may be your conscience telling you to apply yourself more

you may not be as happy/content as you have convinced yourself you are

you're young, you'll figure it out

post #3 of 38
we hate it when our friends become successful. -M.
-Jeff
post #4 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arthur PE View Post

jealousy/envy is a common failing

it may be your conscience telling you to apply yourself more

you may not be as happy/content as you have convinced yourself you are

you're young, you'll figure it out

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by gamelan View Post

we hate it when our friends become successful. -M.
-Jeff

I wish that wasn't true. I am a good person, why can't I be proud of them? I guess this is just a life lesson that I need to face. It's just that going to a university at 21 and sinking into debt would bring me grief. I guess I should do something, something that will make me feel busy. If I am busy and working toward something..maybe the feeling of envy will go away? My life feels like a stand still. I wish I cared about Mathematics, and I wish I didn't care about debt. Is debt really that scary? Maybe. Maybe not. The main thing is that I just feel weaker as an indivisual which feels and sounds moronic for the situation.

 

Any ideas from people who have been there and done that?

 

-Beck

post #5 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gamelan View Post

we hate it when our friends become successful. -M.
-Jeff


Morrissey icon_gu_b_slayer[1].gif

post #6 of 38
It's upsetting you because it looks like they're doing bigger and better things than you - moving, buying a car. I assume you didn't go to college? Why not? You may be living pretty well off eBay sales but how much longer can you seriously do it? How long do you intend to live at home? What's your plan? Maybe your friends making their own moves while you seemingly aren't is nagging at you. You may want to seriously consider your goals in the short to medium term (1-3 years) and how you intend to achieve them. I figure if you can establish and pursue a plan you will feel better about your status vis a vis your friends.
post #7 of 38
I used to have a friend like you. We were close friends in high school. I went to college, and he chose to 'take a year off', then the year became years and he never got around to attending college. We still hung out as I went for my B.S. But after I got a professional job, and started to buy 'nicer things', he became jealous, for a lack of better word. To make it short, I stopped being his friend. I don't need dead weight to hold me back from my potential.

PS, you don't need to be in debt for $50k for a degree. There are a bunch of options for a BA/BS and plenty of good state university programs.

There is no country quite like the U.S. where a felon can find a way to become affluent, or where someone without formal education can find the will to become successful. In many other countries, everyone is expected to obtain at least a bachelor's and usually are stuck at dead end jobs.

I have a friend who dropped out of junior college, and eventually started his own production firm. He works with Warner Bros, and others. He has a nice 4 bedroom house, a couple of cars worth over $500k in total. I would say he's doing alright without a degree. But there aren't many of those around. Go get your degree as a cushion so you can live a comfy live if your plan should fall apart/short.
post #8 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by wj4 View Post

I used to have a friend like you. We were close friends in high school. I went to college, and he chose to 'take a year off', then the year became years and he never got around to attending college. We still hung out as I went for my B.S. But after I got a professional job, and started to buy 'nicer things', he became jealous, for a lack of better word. To make it short, I stopped being his friend. I don't need dead weight to hold me back from my potential.
PS, you don't need to be in debt for $50k for a degree. There are a bunch of options for a BA/BS and plenty of good state university programs.
There is no country quite like the U.S. where a felon can find a way to become affluent, or where someone without formal education can find the will to become successful. In many other countries, everyone is expected to obtain at least a bachelor's and usually are stuck at dead end jobs.
I have a friend who dropped out of junior college, and eventually started his own production firm. He works with Warner Bros, and others. He has a nice 4 bedroom house, a couple of cars worth over $500k in total. I would say he's doing alright without a degree. But there aren't many of those around. Go get your degree as a cushion so you can live a comfy live if your plan should fall apart/short.

 

Yeah I have been out of college for a few months (2-3) currently. I only completed about 16 credits from tech college. I can relate a lot with your friend as I have been drifting away from a couple buddies and I feel like if I don't go back I will drift away completely. Losing a good friend is a bad way to live, I have a psychological thing that if I am friend's with someone and they don't talk to me for a while I feel like they hate me. To the point, I understand that college is expensive but affordable. I just can't see myself ever affording 4 years of university college. Maybe it's because my dad passed up a full ride to a very good university but he and everyone i know is pushing me to NOT go. I wish I had supportive peers who were excited for me to go. I have friends like that. I don't wanna have a dead end job. I wanna marry my girlfriend in the next 5 years. There is nothing I would like more then to end my "freestyle life". I guess I am just scared. Should I apply again? Should I go away to college?

Thank you for your response. I feel blessed for the help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joffrey View Post

It's upsetting you because it looks like they're doing bigger and better things than you - moving, buying a car. I assume you didn't go to college? Why not? You may be living pretty well off eBay sales but how much longer can you seriously do it? How long do you intend to live at home? What's your plan? Maybe your friends making their own moves while you seemingly aren't is nagging at you. You may want to seriously consider your goals in the short to medium term (1-3 years) and how you intend to achieve them. I figure if you can establish and pursue a plan you will feel better about your status vis a vis your friends.

I went to technical college for a very short while. I just feel like the money is going to stack against me and I won't be able to afford it. My plan...my plan is not making money on Ebay forever. I want the determination and helpfulness of another to outweigh the negative of my peers saying I shouldn't go. I really.. really want to be successful. I want to sell my $1400 gaming computer for a laptop. I want to excel in Computer Science and have something that I am proud of. Thank you for your response. I am blessed.

post #9 of 38
Sounds like the OP isn't happy with himself.

When I was in grad school my college buddies were getting great jobs, buying houses, taking exotic vacations, and making babies. I was a poor grad student trying to make ends meet while maintaining my academic endeavors. They'd often cast aspersions on my standard of living, and honestly, I didn't care. It was one of the best periods of my life because I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I was poor, overworked, and worn out, but as happy as a lark - completely content with what I was doing.
post #10 of 38
It also sounds like you're surrounded by a lot of negative people. College is VERY affordable if you go to a public school, instate and live at home (not to mention scholarships you get if you have very good grades). Yes, you'll likely graduate with loans but it will be offset by your increased earning potential (just don't go to school to study roman literature) If you're hard working and focused you can even pay off a lot of school by working during the school year and/or summers. Since you're over 21 the living in school for the atmosphere is not as important so living at home or off campus are definitely cheaper options.

Also look into community colleges. They're cheaper than state schools and some or many of them are just as good.

College isn't the only thing too. If you like computer science (then it's important) but you can look into obtaining computer certifications to pursue some gigs that don't necessarily require college degrees. There are also vocational schools for other interests.

These are all options, but you have to figure out what you want or your interests before you can decide on which option to pursue.

Also, why is your family so adamant that you not go to school? Maybe they say so because they see/feel you have no direction and think it's not worth the expense for someone with no drive? If not, why else? Some people just don't think beyond their immediate sorroundings so you have to be able to filter out advice that you feel isn't helpful to you. Be willing and prepared to pursue your goals with a lot of support.
post #11 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beck View Post

Being at the age of 21 right now, working off Ebay and living a decent life. The best part of my life is that I have a free schedule..Obviously sometimes I need to go out and restock but for the most part..very decent. Well lately I have been seeing friends who graduated with me and noticing there facebook updates of "Moving to Washington in the morning, starting work on monday!" Or "House shopping, car shopping...What a busy life!"  These things never...got to me. But lately I have been affected emotionally by it. I don't wanna be a cog in the machine, or just another expendable. I know in american life, you are taught to get educated, get a job and live that happy family life with the white picket fence and the new mercedes from the biiiig raise. Well that just isn't what I want. I don't wanna kiss someone's boot as they scuff mine. I want equality as a human being.

Not every job is like this.
post #12 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liquidus View Post

Not every job is like this.

Hey man - I'm 21 too, but I have to agree with what Liquidus says too. I like to joke around and say that I'm just another pawn in corporate America, but it's really what you make of your situation. Don't stay too focused on the pay and follow what you like and everything else should fall into place. When you do start looking for work, you should be reviewing the actual job as much as the hiring manager is looking through you. Make sure your potential coworkers will work well with you.

I think many of my friends from back home, before I started school feel the same way about me. People describe me as overly ambitious (which I think can be really damn bad at times) but it's placed me in a spot where I started losing "friends" because of their jealousy.
Quote:
“It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.”
― Aeschylus

Best of luck man!
post #13 of 38
Another quote I've seen related to this topic:

There is nothing so disturbing to one's well-being and judgment as to see a friend get rich. - Charles Kindleberger
post #14 of 38
Woah that's a pretty good one too!
post #15 of 38
Just because you work for a company does not mean you "sold your soul." Then again, i'm 24 make 6 figures and drive a new corvette. Yeah, selling out is worth it.
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