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The 27 Year Old Virgin

post #1 of 662
Thread Starter 

Hey folks, I am new to the forum. I am 26 years old Indian American male who recently finished grad school, started a job as a statistician at a start-up, and got interested in fashion. I have never dated in my life. never kissed a girl. and never asked someone of their opposite sex for their number. I wouldn't say that I'm socially inept since I am capable of interacting with people, it's just that I don't attract women. On several occasions, I've heard women say that I was unattractive and have been called a creeper. Over the past few weeks, I've been feeling really lonely and want to change. It's not that I want to have random sex with lots of women, I just want to meet a few good women and do a little dating. Can anyone provide some suggestions?

 

Things I've changed over the past few months =

- Updated my wardrobe.

 

Things I need to work on =

- I need to not look angry all the time

- I need to start hanging out at places where I can meet women. These days, my day consists of waking up at 4am, hitting the gym, going to work, going home and doing various things at home. I work with almost all men and just don't have any "normal" situations during the day where I interact with women.

- I need to work on self confidence. I used to be obese and have the same self image I did then even though I now have an athletic physique.

 

So if you have any suggestions or helpful advice, let me know?

post #2 of 662
We could get started with some pics
post #3 of 662
lurker[1].gif
post #4 of 662
He's got a handful of photos in his profile, nothing too grotesque but being of Indian ethnicity makes thing a little more difficult in my opinion. Being labeled a creeper is a personality trait, not an appearance trait in a lot of cases. so you can work on that. Wardrobe isn't that important -- there are clowns who wear Ed Hardy or whatever they bought at Kohls yet get laid every night of the week, so find something that you like and are comfortable in and don't sweat it too much. You need a social network before you can start thinking about relationships of any sort with women. The problem is it's really, really tough to develop a social network out of college.
post #5 of 662
Geez, are we doing this again? Most honest advice that I can give:

1) Close your eyes, think of what the coolest you would be like, and be that person.
2) Learn how to read body language and also how to project positive body language.
3) Don't be a pussy. If you are attracted to someone, just go and talk to them.
post #6 of 662
Words to live by.
post #7 of 662
it's a numbers game (something you should know about as a statistician). You see all those regular guys with eye candy on their arms, well, they probably got rejected and went through the mud with at least 33 women, isn't 33 or 30 or something like that some significant number if I remember my elementary stat class from a long time ago, something about at that sample number you can see the things falling into their statisctical place in bell curve, standard dev...


Also, don't let the things you want get make you forget the things you have:

You are young, have higher education and a job in your related field of education (or close to it I am assuming, in other words, you aren't waiting tables with an art degree or some such).

You might not realize this from seeing one too many frat boy movies and romantic comedies, but women your age and up really, really dig guys with good jobs who are smart and responsible.

As for dressing well, just lurk the forum, especially the threads on casual clothing.
post #8 of 662
Quote:
Originally Posted by LA Guy View Post

Geez, are we doing this again? Most honest advice that I can give:
1) Close your eyes, think of what the coolest you would be like, and be that person.
2) Learn how to read body language and also how to project positive body language.
3) Don't be a pussy. If you are attracted to someone, just go and talk to them.

+1, especially to #3. Just walk up say hi my name is ____. What's yours? Start with the 5 Fs: friends, family, favorites, where they're from, firsts? If you feel she isn't into you wish her a goodnight and walk on.

You're here on SF and learning about quality and fit, so that's a good start. It's amazing how many girls you meet like and appreciate a man who dresses well.

Lastly, don't force the kiss or losing your virginity. It's quality over quantity, unless you can manage a large quantity of quality.
post #9 of 662
Life's too short to worry about these things. I know it's lame, but just be yourself. However, that doesn't mean leave things at status quo. Truly be yourself. It's a lot harder to do than it may seem. If you feel like dancing, dance! If you feel like talking to a girl, talk to her! And most importantly, realize there is a lot more to life. Be a lover of life and eventually the other pieces will fall into place as well. You sound like a good person with a good head on your shoulders, so I'm sure someone will notice these gem qualities before you know it. However, project how you feel inside to the rest of the world, it's only fair. It sounds like you want love, not lust, so that's what I would do... otherwise, you'll just attract the wrong crowd.

However, good grooming, a positive attitude, and having a 8 inch cock never hurt.

Shrug off the haters and live long and prosper my friend.
post #10 of 662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gingahbman View Post

Life's too short to worry about these things.

Life is too short to not worry about these things. He is desiring relationships, love, social interaction, things which most people would agree are essential to a happy existence. The longer he goes without them the lower his confidence will be and the harder it will be to attain those things.

Platitudes like "don't be a pussy" and "just talk to them" are good in theory but hard to apply in real time. "Just talk to her" when he doesn't know how to carry a conversation won't get him anywhere. He's a long way from that point, anyhow. Once a female prospect finds out he does nothing with his life but gym/work/home and has no friends (assuming he has no/few friends whom he sees with any regularity) she probably won't stick around. Social network -> -> -> women.
post #11 of 662
Quote:
Originally Posted by matty long legs View Post


Lastly, don't force the kiss or losing your virginity. It's quality over quantity, unless you can manage a large quantity of quality.

Actually, I might recommend this. The first time is rarely magical. True, you can only do it once, but at this point, just get it over with. Have one somewhat awkward relationship behind you, but have something to build on. Give yourself a little self confidence.
post #12 of 662
^Totally agree with Ginga. The older I get the more I realize that Louis CK speaks the truth--and he's talking to you right here. Who is the hot girl at the bar and what kind of person is that??



The only way to go through life is to be completely, painfully honest about who you are and what you're feeling. Your personality is fully formed at 26, and isnt going to change, and trying to adopt some persona/game/pretence is just going to exhaust you and in the end you'll end up with a girl who is completely wrong.


Your long-term plan ought to be to widen your circle of friends and acquaintences--that's ultimately how you meet quality girls unless you get really lucky some other way. Arent there some clubs/organizations in your area that Indians gravitate to? That seems like the obvious place to start.

In the meantime, why not try out the online dating sites? You might not find your soul-mate, but you'll get some practice projecting the best you to the opposite sex.

In general, just try to stay busy doing something outside your home most nights of the week and good things will follow.
post #13 of 662
^I should also note that jewish girls really are awesome.
post #14 of 662
Quote:
Originally Posted by LA Guy View Post

Geez, are we doing this again? Most honest advice that I can give:
1) Close your eyes, think of what the coolest you would be like, and be that person.
2) Learn how to read body language and also how to project positive body language.
3) Don't be a pussy. If you are attracted to someone, just go and talk to them.

 

This is neat, it's pure Archibald Leach to Cary Grant metamorphosis style. Very good.

post #15 of 662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennglock View Post

^I should also note that jewish girls really are awesome.

 

+1. On top of that, Israeli women are unbelievably gorgeous

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