i am 28, working as an assistant officer in the correctional services department in HK. you know, correctional services, as it sounds like, not a very interesting thing. i would not say the job is easy, in fact it can be very hard, but your effort can never be measured, because there is nothing as profit rate here. the best that you can do is to make everything "all correct" everyday, no fighting, no other behavior which violates discipline.
as i am not young at all, it is not that easy to change job. while i was young, i was very confident with myself. i thought i was talented, sharp, with many attributes that can bring me a successful career. i applied for the officer posts for around 7 times, getting to the final interview for 3-4 times, but all failed.
now, in fact my income is ok, it can afford a decent and stable living. comparing to the officer post, my present post (assistant officer) would not give me very high pressure, and it allows me to have more leisure time.
but i keep thinking about reapplying for the officer posts. this desire is strong, but i can see that it could do more harm than good. being an officer means i would be busy to death. sure my income would multiply by two to three times, but money does not mean everything indeed.
my strong desire for the officer posts is in fact caused by my self image. i am used to reckon that i am a very intelligent and sharp guy. while i was in school, i appeared to be the leader in some occasions, and i could give forceful and pervasive speech during presentation. but since i was graduated around 3 years ago, i have worked a junior post in a small firm. i have got to be less forceful and argumentative as i had to get along with my boss and colleagues well. now i have been used to compromise. i hardly argue, even thought i know i am totally right and the opposite is totally wrong. in the past, i weigh logical thinking very heavily, but now i have been used to talk rubblish jokes in workplace. i find that i have lost the outstanding ability that i once possessed.
i know i should not look back. i have to find a way up. it is good for me to have enhanced my interpersonal skill.
about my self image, yes, my strong desire is based on that i think i deserve it, i think i deserve to be a senior, a manager, a director. another thing is that the assistant officer posts are usually for people who do not have a degree. i have a degree, so many people tell me i should not give up on officer as i will just waste my qualification. some other people mock at me as my present post does not match my education level. but i want to make clear that their sayings only make minimal influence on me. my persistence for officer is after all based on my self perception.
ok, i will start to make revision for my officer recruitment tests/interviews. i know it may not be good to me even if i succeed. and it will be a total waste of time if i fail again. i could spend the time on parties and dating instead, but i cannot help feeling unsatisfied. sometimes i think i am born to be a loner. i don't mind having fewer parties, all i want is to have a good wife who is pretty smart, pretty beautiful and who loves me. is it hard? i hope i can get one.