2. Sure. I could spend the rest of my shitty life posting on DT about all the cool stuff I did during those five years. (*Cough* in Nashville *cough.*)
3. Is there some sort of problem in this scenario?
5. I would finally be able to achieve my secret dream: shocking brute strength. And if being a chimp turns out to be a nightmare, I could always commit suicide by baboon tribe.
6. Stop trying to make murder sound tempting, you creep.