I was trying to set up my Verizon DSL last night. They mail you the router and you jump on the network and a bunch of setup software downloads and runs right from your computer. So I run the software on my Mac, and I get an error message: "We're sorry, we could not complete your installation. We are still processing your request for service. Please try again later or call Verizon at 1-800-FUCK-YOU." Or something to that effect, indicating perhaps that they haven't flipped some switch downtown or something.
On a whim, I decide to try on my work laptop, a Dell. Same result.
However, on the Dell, I notice strangely that another tab in my browser appears to have refreshed. So I check it. Turns out I am now fully connected to the internet - I can browse SF, etc. Funny, I think. Must be some strange false error message. Maybe I'm good to go after all.
So I go back and check the Mac. No internet connectivity whatsoever. I am puzzled. I reboot the Mac. No connectivity.
I call Verizon. I am in an automated message maze of hell. Some computer voice is telling me it is testing my line; I wait. Then it tells me to reboot my router. I do so. "Have you finished rebooting your router? If you don't know how to reboot your router, say 'I don't know how,' or press 2. If you do know how to reboot your router, please say 'No Thanks,' and press pound when you have finished." I'm walking downstairs. "Have you finished rebooting your router? If you don't know how to reboot your router...."
"I KNOW HOW TO REBOOT MY ROUTER. I'M OK!" The signal is weak in the basement.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Have you finished rebooting your router? If you don't know how to reboot your router...."
"########################################################################"
"Has this fixed your problem?" I'm checking - no, it hasn't. Now neither computer is connected. It starts telling me to reboot my computers when I get pissed and start yelling "OPERATOR! CUSTOMER SERVICE!" into the phone. This is how you know you've lost it in modern America - you're yelling at a fucking machine.
So anyways, it pipes me through to Chennai or wherever and I start in with the guy. "I can't get the computer to login using the softwa---"
He interrupts.
"That never works, sir."
"What do you mean, ha ha, I guess other people have this problem?"
"I've been working for Verizon for 4 years, and the automatic setup has never worked."
"Really?"
"Yes, really, let me help you."
In the meantime, the computers have both finished re-booting. Both are now online and functioning beautifully.
"Wait," I say. "It looks OK now."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You can get on both computers?"
"Yes."
"Wow, that's the first time it's ever worked then."

How is this even possible? How can a company sell and offer this service? I guess all's well that ends well, but sheesh.