I've covered this in a couple other threads, but I'm a couple months removed from walking away from a three-year relationship that was filled with a lot of baggage. She had two young kids, who I grew to love as my own. We lived together for a little over a year before she bought a house. It was always going to be just her name on the mortgage, but the future for us seemed so dim that I got my own apartment around the time she was closing. She was surprised, even though I'd talked to her a few times about thinking it might not be a good idea for us to make the move together.
We agreed that even if we split, it probably wasn't a great idea for me to just vanish from the kids' lives. The father of the children killed himself a few weeks after we moved in together, so they've already experienced a sudden parental loss. I was enjoying this arrangement until three weeks ago when I found out she was talking to someone from her work. He's a bit older than us (he's 43 and we're both 30), and is nearing the end of a year-long divorce from a near 20-year marriage and his two kids of his own (9 and 11). He makes a considerable amount of money, hence the drawn-out divorce. I know little about him, but it really sounds like he and she come from really different walks of life.
I know us not being together is probably the right thing in the long run, but it's the kids thing that has me really hung up here.
It's really bothering me is how quickly this new relationship is progressing. I expected them to see a lot of each other and hook up, but it seems like he spent most of the last couple of days with her and the kids, and I'm pretty sure he's been staying the night, too. I've inferred this last part because I've had to go a couple places where the main route takes me right past her street and I've seen his car in the driveway really early in the morning.
None of this would seem too quick if kids weren't involved, but it's barely been a month and she already has him staying overnight when the kids are there. I still seem them sporadically, but she tells me they still think of me as being part of the family. The 6-year-old girl includes me in drawings of the family, for instance. So while they're still too young to REALLY know what's going on, I just feel like it's irresponsible on her part to have him staying the night and being around the kids this early on. I would even think it'd be cool if he stayed the night, but got out of there before the kids were up, but I doubt that's what is happening. The girl has already had to deal with the sudden death of her father. Then I was gone. Now here's this guy. And who knows, it might get serious. But if it ends, that's just another loss the girl will have to deal with.
I know I can't intervene, but I find myself really uncomfortable with how quickly she's accelerating this new relationship. If it weren't for the kids, I'd just totally withdraw and do the no-contact thing. At this rate, I might have to do that, anyway. I just can't bear to watch this unfold so quickly.