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Things That Are Bothering You, Got You All Hibbeldy-Jibbeldy, or just downright pissed, RIGHT NOW! - Page 4883

post #73231 of 85684
Damn I should have just gone home early.

Went out diving today and the tide picked up pretty quick. A wave caught me and smacked me around a reef and i ended up with a busted head and minor cuts all over my arm.
Don't think the head will need stitches but I'm still pretty worked up about it.
post #73232 of 85684
Quote:
Originally Posted by donjuan17 View Post

Damn I should have just gone home early.

Went out diving today and the tide picked up pretty quick. A wave caught me and smacked me around a reef and i ended up with a busted head and minor cuts all over my arm.
Don't think the head will need stitches but I'm still pretty worked up about it.

And they tell us sport is good for our bodies and souls..
post #73233 of 85684
I've covered this in a couple other threads, but I'm a couple months removed from walking away from a three-year relationship that was filled with a lot of baggage. She had two young kids, who I grew to love as my own. We lived together for a little over a year before she bought a house. It was always going to be just her name on the mortgage, but the future for us seemed so dim that I got my own apartment around the time she was closing. She was surprised, even though I'd talked to her a few times about thinking it might not be a good idea for us to make the move together.

We agreed that even if we split, it probably wasn't a great idea for me to just vanish from the kids' lives. The father of the children killed himself a few weeks after we moved in together, so they've already experienced a sudden parental loss. I was enjoying this arrangement until three weeks ago when I found out she was talking to someone from her work. He's a bit older than us (he's 43 and we're both 30), and is nearing the end of a year-long divorce from a near 20-year marriage and his two kids of his own (9 and 11). He makes a considerable amount of money, hence the drawn-out divorce. I know little about him, but it really sounds like he and she come from really different walks of life.

I know us not being together is probably the right thing in the long run, but it's the kids thing that has me really hung up here.

It's really bothering me is how quickly this new relationship is progressing. I expected them to see a lot of each other and hook up, but it seems like he spent most of the last couple of days with her and the kids, and I'm pretty sure he's been staying the night, too. I've inferred this last part because I've had to go a couple places where the main route takes me right past her street and I've seen his car in the driveway really early in the morning.

None of this would seem too quick if kids weren't involved, but it's barely been a month and she already has him staying overnight when the kids are there. I still seem them sporadically, but she tells me they still think of me as being part of the family. The 6-year-old girl includes me in drawings of the family, for instance. So while they're still too young to REALLY know what's going on, I just feel like it's irresponsible on her part to have him staying the night and being around the kids this early on. I would even think it'd be cool if he stayed the night, but got out of there before the kids were up, but I doubt that's what is happening. The girl has already had to deal with the sudden death of her father. Then I was gone. Now here's this guy. And who knows, it might get serious. But if it ends, that's just another loss the girl will have to deal with.

I know I can't intervene, but I find myself really uncomfortable with how quickly she's accelerating this new relationship. If it weren't for the kids, I'd just totally withdraw and do the no-contact thing. At this rate, I might have to do that, anyway. I just can't bear to watch this unfold so quickly.
post #73234 of 85684
tl;dr

BETA
post #73235 of 85684
APK , just let it go...
post #73236 of 85684
In the end, she's the parent and not you. She's risking hurting her kids by bringing this new guy around so early, but there's nothing you can do about that whether you keep yourself involved or not. It's going to be painful for you to hang around this situation. You're going to have to extricate yourself from the family dynamic sooner or later, so given the context, you might as well start doing it now. Probably just pull a fade so that it's not so abrupt for the kids, but don't string it along.
post #73237 of 85684
Went to get the paper this morning and found a beehive has been started in the eves by my front door. Odds are good they're Africanized. I know how I'll be spending my Monday.
post #73238 of 85684
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrG View Post

Hey, you know that thing your father does where he tells the whole family he once again has late-stage terminal cancer every time he fucks up his life and wants attention? Pisses you off, doesn't it?

Oh, wait, that's just my father?
And my ex ...
But that sounds particularly hard and conflicting with your dad, who you can't really divorce and emotionally disengage from ...
Sucks; sorry to hear you have to deal with it.
post #73239 of 85684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gibonius View Post

In the end, she's the parent and not you.
I get why it's a tricky situation, but this.
post #73240 of 85684
As I say, you're single until you're married...
post #73241 of 85684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Biscotti View Post

As I say, you're single until you're married...

nod[1].gif

To a point.
post #73242 of 85684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gibonius View Post

In the end, she's the parent and not you. She's risking hurting her kids by bringing this new guy around so early, but there's nothing you can do about that whether you keep yourself involved or not. It's going to be painful for you to hang around this situation. You're going to have to extricate yourself from the family dynamic sooner or later, so given the context, you might as well start doing it now. Probably just pull a fade so that it's not so abrupt for the kids, but don't string it along.

Right on. The moment I left, I knew I was forfeiting the right to be that father figure in their lives, even if she was OK with me still seeing them. It's not a sustainable situation.

My ex is usually hard to rattle, but I think I got her flustered earlier today when I mentioned that the daughter had told me that the guy hadn't been able to stay for breakfast earlier today. My ex has often been brutally upfront about things, but she didn't seem ready to admit that she's had the guy stay the night. I didn't push the issue. I know it's ultimately not my place to give input.

It's still very early in the going with this guy (less than a month), but he's certainly saying and doing the right things. If nothing else, it's admirable that he's not only OK with meeting and spending time with her kids, but he sounds like he welcomes the opportunity. I get the sense that divorce has probably stripped away the family dynamic he had with his wife and two kids, so being dropped into another family environment is probably comforting right now.
post #73243 of 85684
Quote:
Originally Posted by Biscotti View Post

As I say, you're single until you're married...

To judge by the behavior of many people I've known in real life settings, I'd say you're single even after you're married.
post #73244 of 85684
I wish I was single.
post #73245 of 85684
Went and bought some new outdoor furniture today on the way home from Baltimore. I went to assemble it tonight and some piece of shit had bought it, drilled a 1 1/2" hole in the center to use an umbrella, and then returned it. Now I have a fucked up table that I bought 2 hours away.
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