Man, I just feel so used and betrayed regarding breaking up with this last girl. A week ago she told me that she loved me, that she couldn't imagine life without me, that I fascinate her, that we would make this relationship work at any cost. She's even hinted at marriage before. Then I receive a call the other day, and she tells me that she no longer wishes to do this and doesn't care if we continue communication at all.
I feel that I was used in the sense that I definitely feel I helped her overcome shit from her past...I was the first man she's fucked in two years. I was probably her first healthy relationship. I feel like I was used as emotional support upon her moving and after she established herself more there was no need for me.
I feel really fucking stupid--I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I only knew her for four months, but I've never felt quite a connection with anyone. I haven't seen her in three months, but once I moved to NYC it would've been feasible to see each other ~twice a month. During these three months we've sent over 40,000 text messages, Skyped several hundred hours and probably a comparable amount of phone time as well. I really thought shit was going to work--I really thought there was a love and a desire between us that would've never ended.
I just have to not think about it and not drink. A good friend invited me to come to Europe with him after I get driven up to NYC. I think I'm going to follow through and meet him in Milan, Italy and then spend some time in the Alps before going to Amsterdam--he said he'll buy me a whore. I need to just clear my head.