Originally Posted by Gibonius
I was 27 and my wife was 25, working so far. It's been a little tense with some career stuff, but I don't think I'd have been any happier not
being married for these five years. It certainly made this particular relationship more likely to survive going through the stuff we did.
I see some of my friends hitting 30 and being single and really wracking themselves over it (the women, mostly). The level of angst and self-doubt they're going through is a whole lot worse than any questions my married friends have about slightly compromising their careers for their relationships.
I think everybody's life has a different meter to it, the numbers only mean so much. Nothing magic happens at 25 or 30. I always tell people that they should be out on their own for awhile, have some kind of career established, and get a good idea that their core values aren't likely to be changing. Nothing kills a relationship worse than one partner flipping their decision on religion or kids. Nobody is really there before their early 20s, some not until well past 30.
Yeah, the biggest challenge we've encountered so far was moving to Athens for grad school, which was effectively the same as a career move. That got really bumpy for awhile, but it was, I think, good for us in the long run.
I haven't seen much of the worry as people turn 30, though a lot of my friends got married (or were in a very serious relationship) just before 30, so it makes sense it wouldn't have happened with my friends.
I agree that there's nothing magic about a given age, but it's a useful proxy, since it's so hard to define "ready." I honestly don't know that we were ready, but we shared the belief that once you do it, marriage is permanent aside from a pretty narrow set of deal breakers. I think truly buying into that idea got us through a lot of the stuff that destroyed friends' marriages. Well, that and the fact that neither one of us turned out to be a complete asshat (which was the killer in at least one or two cases).