My ex has announced that she "definitely" has thyroid cancer, although "it won't be confirmed until the bloodwork comes back."
Most f*'d up part of it, of course, is that she may have thyroid cancer.
Second most f*d up part of it is that, based on experience*, I find myself phrasing it in terms like "has announced that", because I am not entirely certain whether to believe her. (Which, of course, makes me feel like a douche.)
*Without a long digression, I'll just note that this is neither the first (nor the second) time in the years we've known each other she has announced that she has cancer or something similar. I understand that this time she has had a biopsy performed at her doc's recommendation, leads me to take this instance more seriously than I otherwise might.