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Things That Are Bothering You, Got You All Hibbeldy-Jibbeldy, or just downright pissed, RIGHT NOW! - Page 3293

post #49381 of 86354
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post

I'm going to tell you the straight up truth: sex in beds is just for old people.

so you do a lot of sexing in the bed then yes?
post #49382 of 86354
Originally Posted by Douglas View Post

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
My 4-year-old has become really close to the 6-year-old girl next door; she is one of a pair of twins. For the purposes of this poast, we shall call her Sally.

Every night when we get home, the first thing out of my kid's mouth is "Is Sally home? Can I go play with Sally?"

Sally is not a bad kid, per se. She's 6, after all, how bad could she be? But her parents have a bit of a different parenting style than we do. I'm not bagging on them, they are perfectly loving and responsible parents, but they do let their kids get away with more crap than I do. I was raised in a household where we were real sticklers on manners, respecting elders, etc., and they, while not hippies or anything, do not enforce these things as rigorously as I do at home. Their kids give a bit more lip, they run around, don't necessarily look adults in the eye, etc. They give their parents a bit more lip, and the one mom (they're a 2-mom household) tends to lose her cool but doesn't actually correct the behavior.

Which is fine for them, but I prefer to run a tighter ship.

Anyway, I want to accommodate her having a playmate, and Sally's parents are happy to have my daughter over any time, but the result is that she's there 4-5 nights a week to play (when they come to play here they soon head over there to play; perhaps because there's more leniency there?) and coming back with bad habits. I don't want to be the downer, and I don't want to offend the other parents, but I find myself resisting my kid having this playmate. Sally is not awful, but I want my daughter to be raised by me, not by the next door neighbors.

Tonight, I let her go over there, telling her I'd get her at 7:30. When I brought her back, she totally lost her shit. I think I handled it well and she is calm now and we are playing playdoh now, but it's aggravating to have to deal with this.

sucky situation. we had that with a relatives kid. hard to walk the right line, but it seems you are on the right track. your kid will be mad at you for curbing some of the time there, but its the right thing to do i think. and i have no doubt they tend to end up there for exactly the lack of supervision/structure you are concerned about.

its one thing if your kid is not being affected, but if you are seeing that she is picking up some habits you dont want to to have, you are 100% right in making some changes.

also, LD made some good points too, and he is a smart dude.
post #49383 of 86354
Were you guys ready when you had kids or did you just sort of go with the momentum so to speak?
post #49384 of 86354
Originally Posted by SkinnyGoomba View Post

Were you guys ready when you had kids or did you just sort of go with the momentum so to speak?

lol i dont even know. i just knew i wanted em. ready or not.
post #49385 of 86354
can't figure out why I didn't receive financial aid this year even though i filled out required forms (fafsa - admitted right before the deadline) and as it stands I have no way to pay for college and need to sort this out immediate... pure frustration
post #49386 of 86354
I can't sleep.
post #49387 of 86354
I've just realized I haven't had a conversation with a woman since April.
post #49388 of 86354
I take that back, I had a moderately in depth conversation with some honky in Bradford, PA some weeks ago. What a shithole of a town.
post #49389 of 86354
I can't wait to wake up at five!
post #49390 of 86354
Originally Posted by SkinnyGoomba View Post

Were you guys ready when you had kids or did you just sort of go with the momentum so to speak?

Went with the flow...

I was quite happy having them but not obsessed with the issue...

A kind of Que sera sera attitude to it...

I had them at the tender age of 40..
post #49391 of 86354
Originally Posted by L'Incandescent View Post

There is a hair salon (I think) near my neighborhood called "Ladyz of Elegance." I think it is a funny name, even though I don't think the proprietors meant it to be funny. Sometimes I hang out outside Ladyz of Elegance and invite the ladyz to my place. (The are usually real ladyz, but not always.)

the name is so interesting I had to check it out... Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

are these the ladyz you hang out with, patrons of "The Home of the Tree Braid"?

and perhaps this is you, yes?
post #49392 of 86354
Originally Posted by Biscotti View Post

I've just realized I haven't had a conversation with a woman since April.

Are you in county jail????
post #49393 of 86354

Are you really insulting me because I resolved your issue?


... Fucking whore.

post #49394 of 86354
Originally Posted by lawyerdad View Post

That's a tough one. A few random thoughts/observations from my own experiences:
1. Is your daughter starting kindergarten in the fall? That will introduce a whole new social circle, plus the neighbor kid will be reconnected/more occupied with classmates her own age. That may temper the situation a bit right there.
2. I totally get the resistance, but in my experience that dynamic is going to be present, at least to some degree, with almost all of the friends your daughter makes. It's probably a good time to start reinforcing with her that your rules are your rules, however anybody else does it. (Easy to say, I know.)
3. Maybe you can starting insisting that playdate time be divided more evenly between the two houses? I wouldn't hesitate to have a respectful conversation with the other parents to explain why you're doing so. (This may also prevent them from unintentionally undermining you by encouraging the kids to always gravitate to their house, thinking they're doing you a favor.)
4. All that said, difficult and frustrating stuff.

Thanks LD, very solid advice. All very useful; some of it I'm actually already working on, but the bolded, for me, is the real wisdom. I'm gonna have to stop bitching about this and realize that it is going to be a constant... for the next 14 (18? 20?) years. So rather than kvetch I need to work on a consistent approach (that probably includes parts of everything else you have to say) to employ for the duration.

Anyways, yesterday, I did have a very calm convo with the kid explaining why I was disappointed in her reaction, I told her she was forbidden to see her friend for 2 days, and that if she apologized and came to an understanding of why I was upset with her (over her inappropriate reaction to the boundaries I had set) then we could move on after that. Within minutes, she was totally 100% again.

I think they know when they're testing. Once you are clear (without losing your shit - the key is pulling all your anger out of the situation, which is often very hard) and consistend and unemotional I think they respect that. At least, that has been a lot of my experience thus far.
post #49395 of 86354
Pissing me off today:

There has been a ridiculous rash of break-ins in my neighborhood lately. A few weeks ago, some of the break-ins (literally on our block - people a few houses over) were "hot," i.e. with residents home. They've lately been breaking into homes in broad daylight when nobody is home. They knock on the door to see if anyone is around; if not they circle to the back or basement door, kick it in, and smash and grab electronics and jewelry. At least once, they were caught in the act but there was a getaway driver.

They hit the house 5 doors down a few days ago; we live at one end of a block and at least four homes on a block of ~16 homes have been hit in the past few weeks. At least several other homes on nearby blocks have also been hit. Our next door neighbor (Sally's mom, ha!) reports that an 8-10 year old boy knocked on her door yesterday and she answered. He asked if she needed someone to mow her lawn; he was clearly not of lawnmowing age or capability.

Everyone suspects it's more or less a bunch of kids; maybe 15-18 years old. One neighbor caught them walking up his driveway wearing ski masks, grabbed his pistol, and shouted them off.

I don't think they are necessarily violent given what's gone down to date, but we basically feel like sitting ducks. We have an alarm and cameras, though for the moment, I am having trouble with the DVR software to let me access the cameras, which appear to be on but I can't tell for sure. I fear for my dogs, who are just little Yorkies; not much use for home defense and may prove too much temptation for someone to steal. I'm not sure if the stories of little dogs being used as bait dogs for dog fighting are true, but they frighten me, but even if it were just to sell or keep for their own it bothers me. Or more likely, they'd just get punted as they tried to defend the home. My shit is insured; we went through and photographed all our valuables, watches, jewelry, etc. last night but it's just really shitty to be hiding your own stuff in your own house in case you get smash-and-grabbed.

It's also hard not to start seeing Zimmerman parallels when you are pretty sure there's at least one very small kid peripherally involved, and you're pretty sure it's a bunch of adolescents breaking into homes when residents are there. It's brazen and frightening and if you don't want to defend your home with a gun, well, the fact is you're just letting them get away with it. They've been getting away with it for weeks now, hitting the same blocks, repeatedly, even in a community with private security and supposedly a stepped-up police presence.

It's galling.
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