On suicide

You're a failure, how did you planon doing it?

yeah. an uncle hung himself a few years back. he's been having problems with his finance for a long time, had a very dysfunctional relationship with his kids and was suffering from parkinson's. I wasn't close to him, but the mess you leave when you off yourself is just too crazy imo.

oh, during the wake we found out he had another family when 4 of his other kids showed up.

Not close, but a very far removed family member. He just slowly went crazy. He urinated on himself one day and never changed. A few weeks later he then kissed my mother's cousin's husband oh his cheek. He shot himself with a shotgun the day after that. My mother's cousin began vomiting as soon as she discovered him and that's all she remembered. He was buried in blue jeans because no one ever saw him wear anything else.

a few people i knew. and 1 distant cousin. very sad.

One of my best friends killed himself almost a year ago. I posted about it on here:

Later, I found out he did it by consuming antifreeze (with subsequent organ failure), an extremely painful way to go. He did it in a wooded patch between a Holiday Inn Express (insert morbid joke here) and a for-profit university. Just bizarre. Also turned out his brother was alive and well and there likely was no job in Santa Barbara. He also told a close female friend that he thought he was developing schizophrenia. What a mess. I still haven't deleted his number from my phone, kinda foolish of me.

Also, I gave all the other stuff of his that I thought his family wouldn't want to a neighbor who talked and talked about how much she loved Cason and we agreed that Cason would really want it to go to a local women's shelter's thrift store. She agreed to take it, said it was the least she could do. The next week I happened to drive by and the woman was selling it in a yard sale. A pretty ugly scene ensued.

Also, my uncle tried to kill himself, wound up severing his spinal cord.

So anyway, yeah, suicide sucks, obviously. It may end the person's perceived short-term problems, but really hurts those left behind

I remember you posting that, FLMM, but, for obvious reasons, you didn't have that much information when it happened. The details are just awful.

Wow sorry to hear about your friend. RE: the number in your phone, I kept my dad's cell number in my phone for years after he died. I even tried calling it a few times after he passed just to hear his voicemail greeting. Eventually it was disconnected but for the first few weeks it was still there.

It's funny how we do things like keep numbers in our phone. I've done the same thing with my good friend who died a couple months ago. I'm still his Facebook friend, too. I feel like I should delete both, and the thought has crossed my mind a couple of times, but I can't bring myself to do it.

It was a weird slap in the face recently when Facebook kept reminding me it was his birthday.

+1. just saw an old email from my grandfather who passed away almost 2 years ago. oddly enough, it was titled, "i am still alive." could not get myself to delete it.

a new report of mine was issued a mobile phone that used to belong to a guy in my office who passed away. it was pretty creepy the first time I got a call from him.

I haven't had any close friends, a family member, a kid who was in high school with me, some other aquantances.

the most horrific story - a female friend of a good friend of mine killed herself. she was on the same base as he was in the army, and their apartment were across from each other. she took his gun in the night, opened the doors to their apartments, sat on the floor across from the doors and shot herself with his gun. he woke up and as soon as he rolled out of bed he saw her.

Beyond messed up. Wonder if there was something between them

Social suicde?

All the time...

Terminal suicide?

Life is too precious..

Tried it a couple of times. Never had the stones to actually succeed though.

It has always confused me that suicide is the "cowards way out". Naturally it takes strength to go through shit and keep standing but there were two main arguments that always struck me while I was going through it:

1. It takes some serious, concious, full-on truth telling to do it. How often can you honestly say that you'e made a decision with every cell in your body? Each pill you swallow is a behaviour that has to truly reflect your dearest wish in life. Saying "I Do" on your wedding day, signing that mortgage? They all have doubt, even if its just that 1%. But the day you choose to end it all? Its a moment of assertiveness in what is usually a sea of uncertainty, difficulty and pointlessness. Maybe it is the cowards way out, but but 99% of you wouldn't have the balls to open that door.

2. What if it is a rational choice? What if you genuinely believe that your life has reached and surpassed a climax and that the only potential future is one that you will find unfulfilled and humiliating? What if you aren't depressed, but have decided that you have no use for this "gift" of life that was forced upon you?

MASSIVE FUCKING NOTE: I do not, nor would I ever, advocate suicide. I just believe that having gone through it that people have little to offer but platitudes which are really of no help to anyone. "things will get better" and "you have so much to live for" mean nothing to someone who has considered killing themselves for more than 4 hours. Looking at the rationale through a paradigm of something other than pity could help anyone who has to deal with this issue with a loved one.