I am a great, big, fat person. During those rare months of supernatural self-restraint, wherein I trade Taco Bell for Chick Fil-A, I manage to lose a meager bit of water weight, and I delude myself into thinking it's significant fat loss. Please permit me this comforting fiction. It is all that keeps me from the brink of total binging, drowning my self pity in a sea of the Colonel's special BBQ sauce.
Help me find some pants for the generously proportioned gentleman, won't you?