Out of your league? - Page 3

I've run across a few cultural issues in my current relationship. My girlfriend right now is Latin American; born and partialy raised in the Dominican and then she spent her middle and high school years in Mexico City. The cultural issue hasn't really been a huge issue but it has come up a few times. Her expectations of how I treat her and what I do for her is quite a bit more demanding than any Canadian girl I've ever dated. At the same time, she has rewarded me for that with an unbelievable amount of affection. Another issue that has come up is her overly flirty nature. She has told me, as well as my other latin friends, that this is pretty normal. She is extremely touchy and out-going towards almost everyone and I will say that it has made me jealous more than a few times.

why you have to keep Reminding us this disclaimer as if afraid we will think you as not the cool guy you are?

i think you cool whether you have experienced or not. we are not superman. i admit to women being out of my league all the time.

i am married to one.

The only people out of my league are other cyclist that out class me...other than that, no woman is out of my league, because it all depends what "˜league' you are talking about.

Jon.

Okay, look, that has been beaten to death, but there's one thing you just don't get and that should be made very clear: when she said that she liked you, that wasn't a start, that was the end!! Clear enough? edit: forgot words, shouldn't write while on phone.

Exactly.

Jon.

Is it not ok for me to add my own input here without having people jump all over me for previous mistakes? I'm just saying, I know what the OP is going through because it is happening to me. That's all I was trying to point out.

End of story.

Brian

So give it a shot... She could be your mistress and then you'd definitely be cool in our eyes!

I completely believe in OOML but moreso, out of my class and that's not always an insult to yourself. For example, say you meet a girl who's a big partier and you're not. You think you are perfectly "good enough" for her, but her lifestyle and perhaps social class and even looks might not jive with yours. I think it's very misleading and a little bit cruel to be so positive when giving advice to people. The whole "looks are just skin deep" and "nobody is out of your league, bro" talk doesn't help anyone.

+1

[double post]

I don't think anyone has said that here. Certainly, people give that advice in RL, and I'd be inclined to agree that it's not the best advice, depending upon the person to whom it's being given.

My point is that you could take two similarly classed women and they might both want completely different things from a man and from a relationship. There's no way of knowing unless you test the waters. Besides, getting shot-down from a hot rich girl is no different then getting shot-down by a hot poor girl so I don't see what the big deal is.

I just don't like getting shot down, period.

IMO this is more of an issue in longer term relationships. People "slum" all the time. It's easier to get hurt more when the relationship is longer and you're more committed, and harder to sustain a relationship outside of your social class, that's all I'm saying. IMO cultural differences make it harder.

I think it was Casanova who put his success down to treating the plainest women like they were beautiful, and the most beautiful like they were plain. Really every person is different, though, and it is difficult to generalise. Many of the more "talented" girls I come across don't date attractive men, I suppose they don't want to be outdone, or to feel insecure that they might get traded up. Ironically, because these guys know that they are punching above their weight, they tend to treat them worse almost out of disbelief that they're even in the relationship, and are even drawn into infidelity because they feel in some way that it is doomed to come to an end. A short personal epilogue, I once was friendly with a girl who I considered to be out of my league, and indeed who remains in my memory today as the one that got away. I realised two things in retrospect: the first is that she was not nearly as perfect as I thought her to be at the time; the second is that, frankly, I think she was bored of being engaged as a pretty blonde, rather than an intelligent, worldly, charming person. I also realise in retrospect that I didn't give myself enough credit at the time, my personal style was still developing and I was still a bit awkward about my appearance. Ah, for a second chance!