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Out of your league? - Page 2

post #16 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by designprofessor
Theres some interesting in evolutionary psychology on this subject of which person in the couple is percieved as more / less attractive.
It sets up a dynamic for sure.

Author is David Buss

Yeah, that sounds really interesting.




I don't really know where I stand on the issue. I used to be extremely insecure around women but that has changed quite a bit over the years. I definately used to think that boundary lines and leagues existed but I'm not so sure anymore. I have met some women lately that have given me very good hints they were interested in me who I would have normally thought were out of my league. The girl who I am currently dating is also beautiful and I think she would qualify as out of my league as well.

I think that some boundaries definately still do exist but that they are not based solely on attractiveness. For example, the way I look and dress, what I do in my free time and my interests are a pretty strong indication of who I am. As a result, I tend to attract girls who look and dress in a similar way and girls that have similar interests.
post #17 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Get Smart
harmony is attained when water seeks its own level

I agree with Get Smart.

While it is true that everyone possess the capacity to rise above "station" (whatever that may mean) on a given occasion, or even for a season/period of time, the fact is, there are a lot of cross-currents to navigate when you date someone who comes from a different social/socio-economic background, placing one (or both) of the parties, ultimately, in the position of having to swim perpetually upstream.

I've always drawn on an example within my own family, where an uncle and the woman of his choosing decided to get as far away from both of their families to allow their relationship to get rooted and flourish without outside meddling. (For one, his sisters, my aunts -- seven of them -- all hated the woman, believing she was not up to their, and in turn my uncle's, level.) It worked; they've now been married for nearly forty years.
post #18 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Get Smart
harmony is attained when water seeks its own level


exactly.
post #19 of 67
I agree. I've found recently that it's a bit difficult to date outside of your social level over an extended period of time. I personally have seen some cultural issues develop and guess I still don't understand how many people make cross-cultural relationships work. Any insight from those people who have been involved in them successfully would be interesting to me.
post #20 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by drizzt3117
I agree. I've found recently that it's a bit difficult to date outside of your social level over an extended period of time. I personally have seen some cultural issues develop and guess I still don't understand how many people make cross-cultural relationships work. Any insight from those people who have been involved in them successfully would be interesting to me.


my wife comes from a culture that is very different from mine - and yet both western. it is a constant struggle, not so much to keep the relationship healthy, but when our famileis get involved, or when major issues come up.

It involves a lot of give and take, which I think is the key to all relationships.
post #21 of 67
If there is anything I have learned in my travels it is that no one, no matter how attractive or seemingly godly they are, are necessarily out of your league. I think when you put a person on a pedestal you tend to psyche yourself out and you need to get over the whole pedestal thing. Here are a couple examples from my own past: In high school I was a very shy, awkward child, who came from a class of 8 students in a catholic grade school to a large public high school and it threw me for a loop. When I was a junior I noticed a beautiful girl who was a sophomore and immediately thought she was way out of my league. I found out that every guy was in love with her later. Well she was in the Math class I was in, the period after, and one day I held a team meeting with my balls and decided to approach her and it led to us being friends and then more for a while. She is still gorgeous to this day. More recently as another example after I broke up with a long term girlfriend. Afterwards me and a friend hit a danceclub and immediately I saw this gorgeous girl and her friend standing on the side just dancing by themselves. I poked my friend and pointed at her and he said "she is way out of your league". I said I'm going over there and I struck up a conversation and we hit it off. She liked that I had enough guts to approach her and say something instead of just trying to come up and grind on her.
post #22 of 67
I think there's two separate issues here.

First of all, there's the approachability/casual dating/fling league issue, and then there's the suitability for long term relationship league.

I would agree that it's certainly possible to have a casual relationship with someone that is not in your "league" depending on how you define that, but I think that having a long term relationship with someone that is not at your "level" incurs additional challenges. So far it hasn't worked for me, obviously YMMV.
post #23 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by drizzt3117
I agree. I've found recently that it's a bit difficult to date outside of your social level over an extended period of time. I personally have seen some cultural issues develop and guess I still don't understand how many people make cross-cultural relationships work. Any insight from those people who have been involved in them successfully would be interesting to me.

I have the opposite experience. Though I don't identify fully with a specific socio economic group. But I for some reason cannot, not matter the level of attractiveness or class, attract a Black American women ( until my most recent girlfriend) for the life of me. Being that I ,strongly, identify myself as Black American, its weird and sometimes agitating. But, Jamaicans, West Indians and Africans (mainly Ghanaians and Nigerians, seem to not be able to get enough of me. Every relationship I've been in save my most recent has been to with a West African, or West Indian.
post #24 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by jpeirpont
I have the opposite experience. Though I don't identify fully with a specific socio economic group. But I for some reason cannot, not matter the level of attractiveness or class, attract a Black American women ( until my most recent girlfriend) for the life of me. Being that I ,strongly, identify myself as Black American, its weird and sometimes agitating. But, Jamaicans, West Indians and Africans (mainly Ghanaians and Nigerians, seem to not be able to get enough of me. Every relationship I've been in save my most recent has been to with a West African, or West Indian.

I don't disagree that attraction is an unusual thing and there is certainly no accounting for taste but my point was more in terms of long-term relationships and making them work. I just find it more likely that people from the same socioeconomic (and racial/ethnic/cultural group) are more likely to have similar values.
post #25 of 67
I grew up a nerd who was afraid of girls. A few years ago, I changed some things, moved overseas, figured out the things that make me unique and played them up, and developed a personality that has value to people. Then I decided I was cool. Since then, I haven't yet met someone that I consider out of my league.

I think it's impossible to keep a girl that's "out of your league" if that's what you believe about her. Maybe I'll write more later.
post #26 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter
my wife comes from a culture that is very different from mine - and yet both western. it is a constant struggle, not so much to keep the relationship healthy, but when our famileis get involved, or when major issues come up. It involves a lot of give and take, which I think is the key to all relationships.
Haven’t you made it clear to your mother-in-law that you can make her disappear in the desert, and it’s not idle talk, yet? Jon.
post #27 of 67
There are 2 different out of your league situations:

She is too gorgeous , she is OOML.

She is too wealthy, waspy, you name it, she is OOML.

First is usually all in your head.
Second is usually very very true and could rarely be overcome.
post #28 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by imageWIS
Haven't you made it clear to your mother-in-law that you can make her disappear in the desert, and it's not idle talk, yet?

Jon.


that's the best life insurance my mother in law can have - if anything ever happened to her, there would be no doubt in anybodies mind what happened. no matter how little physical evidence.
post #29 of 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by dkzzzz
There are 2 different out of your league situations:

She is too gorgeous , she is OOML.

She is too wealthy, waspy, you name it, she is OOML.

First is usually all in your head.
Second is usually very very true and could rarely be overcome.

I think this is really an echo of drizz's point, and kind of reaches the same conclusion, namely: the acculturation issues (i.e., upbringing, lifestyle, values) are far more difficult to surmount in the long run than the superficial/temporal ones, i.e., looks, infatuation etc.

There may be exceptions, as there always are, but in the main I agree with these guys.
post #30 of 67
Oh yes, I know exactly how the OP feels. Some of you who posted in my other thread know this

I have met an amazing senior girl this year that I am very interested in, but I am a sophomore. That's a problem! However I am giving it a shot and so far things have been okay. She said before that she liked me back, so that is a start!

Brian
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