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how much do you shield your wife from various forms of stress?

post #1 of 7
1/17/12 at 5:30pm
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I told my fiancee about the potential vacation issue (it being cancelled because of work and me potentially being out all the money I've put down for it so far) and she got very upset and is stressing about it more than I want her to. I immediately regretted saying anything without knowing for sure what was going to happen.

A guy in my department at work got canned today and that got me wondering if I'd tell her if I thought I was going to lose my job, or just start looking for a new one and hope I found it before the fateful day arrived.

There's probably a happy medium somewhere...
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post #2 of 7
1/17/12 at 5:36pm

Hmmm it is a hard one because sometimes you need someone to vent to.

 

I know that my marriage suffered (and was probably one of the contributing factors to it's ultimate demise) when I was managing a particularly difficult project and the stress was non-stop for 5 months.

 

If I could go back and do it again, I would share the stress with her and look to her for support.

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post #3 of 7
1/17/12 at 5:40pm
I like to shield my wife from as much stress as possible. Women have fragile minds and shouldn't be burdened by the worries of the world outside the front door.

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post #4 of 7
1/17/12 at 5:40pm
don't be beta
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post #5 of 7
1/17/12 at 5:46pm
The older I get, the less I say.

Absolutely I have learned to shield her. I basically don't say anything that I know will push her mood in a bad direction. After 15 years of marriage, I know just what to say and what not to say.

I talk slower because of this. I pick my words more carefully. I don't blab off the top of my head around her.

She's not otherwise sheltered, btw, her job has plenty of stress and she has her own things to worry about.

On the flip side I get irritated sometimes -- not always, but sometimes -- when she burdens me with worries that I can't help solve, or that I would solve by doing something she won't do (meaning, there is no point in me giving her the now-predictable advice). Sometimes I can help carry that burden; sure it can be helpful if I just listen. Other times, when I can't, I think that I would not be saying this stuff to her.

Marriage is an interesting thing.
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post #6 of 7
1/17/12 at 8:27pm
some shit you go through, like job and family, you cannot "shield" your s/o, specially if you guys are engaged or are married. shit hitting the fan is inevitable... its just a matter of how you deliver the news to her.
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post #7 of 7
1/18/12 at 3:05am
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek View Post

I told my fiancee about the potential vacation issue (it being cancelled because of work and me potentially being out all the money I've put down for it so far) and she got very upset and is stressing about it more than I want her to. I immediately regretted saying anything without knowing for sure what was going to happen.
A guy in my department at work got canned today and that got me wondering if I'd tell her if I thought I was going to lose my job, or just start looking for a new one and hope I found it before the fateful day arrived.
There's probably a happy medium somewhere...

Sounds like a great relationship based on trust and togetherness.
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