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How do I build a better relationship with my difficult/broken parents? - Page 2

post #16 of 21
as I've said- your folks are as fucked up and flawed as everyone else on the planet... okay maybe they're a bit more fucked up.
post #17 of 21
phew bud, tough reading this. Your parents are human, same as everyone else, but of course they've got their own unique issues too. My two cents:

I hate to say it but I suspect you're not going to change them. go ahead and push them a little to see if there are spots you can make progress... and just learn to do this in ways that they'll change, like telling them that doing X isn't the way to get what they want, or letting them cool off and speaking to them about it another time, etc... that being said,

in time, you're going to have to just learnt o accept them for who they are, and then manage the relationship, probably meaning avoid them in general and moving on with your life. I'm a believer that life moves forwards, and you staying with them and trying to focus on them is focusing backwards. They've had their time, now it's your time.

if you can't move out for financial reasons, then stay there, avoid hitting their buttons, and generally just stay out of their way / minimize interactions. You're there because you have to be, not because you want to be. So save money, stay out the house as long as possible during the day/night, and be the bigger person when they're being crazy and don't let them create drama by responding back to them.

Right now they have leverage over you, you need them, but once you can (properly) stand on your own two feel, your tolerance for their shit will go way down because you don't have any reason to put up with it, besides just that they're your parents. but now there's the fear of getting kicked out, not getting fed, or you're looking for acceptance/love. Once you've got your own job, house, woman, etc, those needs won't go away, but you'll fulfill them in other ways.
post #18 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by bringusingoodale View Post

You sound like you are describing your parents from the perspective of a teenager who wants his freedom.
I say move out and live your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master-Classter View Post

phew bud, tough reading this. Your parents are human, same as everyone else, but of course they've got their own unique issues too. My two cents:
I hate to say it but I suspect you're not going to change them. go ahead and push them a little to see if there are spots you can make progress... and just learn to do this in ways that they'll change, like telling them that doing X isn't the way to get what they want, or letting them cool off and speaking to them about it another time, etc... that being said,
in time, you're going to have to just learnt o accept them for who they are, and then manage the relationship, probably meaning avoid them in general and moving on with your life. I'm a believer that life moves forwards, and you staying with them and trying to focus on them is focusing backwards. They've had their time, now it's your time.
if you can't move out for financial reasons, then stay there, avoid hitting their buttons, and generally just stay out of their way / minimize interactions. You're there because you have to be, not because you want to be. So save money, stay out the house as long as possible during the day/night, and be the bigger person when they're being crazy and don't let them create drama by responding back to them.
Right now they have leverage over you, you need them, but once you can (properly) stand on your own two feel, your tolerance for their shit will go way down because you don't have any reason to put up with it, besides just that they're your parents. but now there's the fear of getting kicked out, not getting fed, or you're looking for acceptance/love. Once you've got your own job, house, woman, etc, those needs won't go away, but you'll fulfill them in other ways.

+1 to both.

You can save yourself a lot of trouble if you abandon the idea of changing any person (least of all your parents). SO is the other dangerous option.
Also, I would try to stay out of their relation with each other (the your mother might have been seeing another guy thing). It's not your business - of course it is, but not directly. There will come no good of it.
post #19 of 21
^ Sounds about right.
post #20 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sander View Post

+1 to both.
You can save yourself a lot of trouble if you abandon the idea of changing any person (least of all your parents). SO is the other dangerous option.
Also, I would try to stay out of their relation with each other (the your mother might have been seeing another guy thing). It's not your business - of course it is, but not directly. There will come no good of it.

+1. never meddle in your parents' relationship, no matter what movies like "the parent trap" says.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 

+1 to you all. Thanks

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