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How to give a Maid of Honor speech as a man?

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 
My best friend is getting married next month and she asked me to speak on her behalf at the wedding as her Maid of Honor. How do I write this thing?
post #2 of 33
The same way you write a BM speech. Except the whole situation is kinda lol.
post #3 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by mafoofan View Post

My best friend is getting married next month and she asked me to speak on her behalf at the wedding as her Maid of Honor. How do I write this thing?

First, if you really plan on doing this the right way, I suggest Gender Reassignment Surgery. your wife may disapprove.
Second, you have to get fitted for a bridesmaid's dress. Do not expect Rubinacci to help you out here, and tweed is simply out of the question.

You may opt to skip step one and go directly to step two, if time is tight. Results will not be optimal, however

Third, hire a professional speechwriter to collaborate with a bunch of 13-year-old girls to provide a speech that is both giggly and aww-inspiring. bonus points for <3's, rapid hand-waving, and smiling through teary eyes.


Protips:
Drink heavily at some point during the process.
Get a really good shave the morning of the event
Practice walking in heels for a few weeks.
Watch re-runs of Bosom Buddies if you have doubts about your abilities.
post #4 of 33
Were it in MC, this thread would have 400 responses by now.
post #5 of 33

As someone who has a female best friend, I can totally empathize. Honestly, I wouldn't make that big of a deal about it - say what you would normally say as if she were a guy - don't sweat it.

post #6 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by mafoofan View Post

My best friend is getting married next month and she asked me to speak on her behalf at the wedding as her Maid of Honor. How do I write this thing?

If she is your best friend than why are you letting her marry someone else?
post #7 of 33
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post

Were it in MC, this thread would have 400 responses by now.

I've posted MC-related things in MC lately and no such response. I must be losing my sex appeal frown.gif.
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactme_11 View Post

If she is your best friend than why are you letting her marry someone else?

I mean my best friend outside of my wife. She's like a sister to me.
post #8 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by mafoofan View Post

I mean my best friend outside of my wife. She's like a sister to me.

Makes more sense now. Speech would be a touchy subject I guess. You don't want to say anything that would make your wife uncomfortable. It's a tough one for sure.
post #9 of 33
I would see no reason to deviate from the OneSpeech.
post #10 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactme_11 View Post

If she is your best friend than why are you letting her marry someone else?

Kinda said, but completely true.
post #11 of 33
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by F. Corbera View Post

I would see no reason to deviate from the OneSpeech.

I think of this as an opportunity to write the OneSpeech.
post #12 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by contactme_11 View Post

If she is your best friend than why are you letting her marry someone else?

I have a best friend that I consider like a second sister. That said, I don't think I'd want to marry my sister.
post #13 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by mgm9128 View Post

That said, I don't think I'd want to marry my sister.

You make pharaoh sad.

confused.gif

What if she held some figs?
post #14 of 33
The last time we hung out this the summer we ate cheese and figs and wine. Then we drove around in a Porsche and got cigarettes. Then we played Sorry! She goes to school in Scotland, and now I miss her so...
post #15 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by mgm9128 View Post

The last time we hung out this the summer we ate cheese and figs and wine. Then we drove around in a Porsche and got cigarettes. Then we played Sorry! She goes to school in Scotland, and now I miss her so...

Wait...I thought that you were going to move into her co-op to be her personal chef?

Now, you're not and she's gone off to Scotland for more schooling (and at her age?)

I'm really behind on the news here.
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