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Promising Weight Loss as a Present to a Loved One?

post #1 of 21
9/20/11 at 11:03am
Thread Starter 
Disclaimer: this idea, if feasible, will be a tip in a much-needed upcoming article.

This is a question to guys. If your spouse (or partner in a serious relationship) asked you to lose weight as a present for her (or his) birthday or your anniversary, would you agree? How much more likely would you be to keep your pledge than if it weren’t a special present? (For example, compared to a New Year's resolution to yourself.) Have you ever heard of that tactic being used?

Especially valued are responses from men who have struggled with their weight.
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post #2 of 21
9/20/11 at 11:07am
Hell no.

I'd call them a moving van rather quickly
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post #3 of 21
9/20/11 at 11:19am
weight loss requires motivation
but a promise to a loved one...
if that promise/motivation is guilt-driven... i don't think it will last or be strong enough
it's definitely not a healthy way to go about it

if it's not guilt-driven but genuinely motivates you to go through with your promise to lose weight
then i guess it can help


i lost 40 pounds over 5 months last year (and only gained back 10 pounds in over a year and been stable)
i have no significant other or anyone else i needed to make a promise to
i just did it for myself
but my motivation was that i was just sick of the way things were going in my life, including getting out of shape and being a fat lazy slob
i've posted pictures of my progress in the p90x thread somewhere on the forum
i didn't turn into a brad pitt or anything but it was a significant change from what i looked like and where i was mentally
i was very dedicated to changing my diet and working out almost every day
i couldn't do it before... and i can't do the same now
i don't have the same motivation anymore
but i am also much better off so i don't feel the need to do what i did last year

anyway i'm rambling now
just make sure you are truly motivated
and don't make a promise that you can't keep
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post #4 of 21
9/20/11 at 11:22am
It depends. Were you a whale when you first started dating or did you let yourself go and become a fat slob?

If you blimped out after securing her, I'd say you should do it. If you were already large and in charge when the relationship began, I'd say no.
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post #5 of 21
9/20/11 at 12:05pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
If you blimped out after securing her, I'd say you should do it. If you were already large and in charge when the relationship began, I'd say no.

That's fair (if the usual weight isn't causing health problems). The article will need to make that point somehow. Of course it will say that specific tips are only for situations in which they have much chance of working.
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post #6 of 21
9/20/11 at 12:18pm
Asking someone to lose weight seems a little insulting whichever way you look at it. No matter how much your partner claims it's for the health benefits, looks always seems to play a factor. It's very much like asking someone to quit smoking. You have to pick your battles.
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post #7 of 21
9/20/11 at 2:53pm
I put on a lot of weight after I met my wife, a whole fucking hell of a lot. she didn't come out and ask me to lose weight, but a few times she told me she was really scared for my health. for me it was a health issue, what got me to lose weight was fear for my long term health, mostly the issue of my mobility in old age. I've lost something over 110 pounds over 4 years, and still going down.
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post #8 of 21
9/20/11 at 2:58pm
To motivate myself to hit the gym more often I once asked my ex to only have sex with me if I had gone to the gym on that particular day. It actually worked
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post #9 of 21
9/21/11 at 1:47am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neo_Version 7 View Post

Asking someone to lose weight seems a little insulting whichever way you look at it.

This is something fat girls say. Are you a fat girl?

To me, I think it would be insulting for a partner to let him/herself go once they knew they were locked into a long term relationship. There is nothing shallow about wanting to be attracted to the ONLY person you are allowed to have sex with.
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post #10 of 21
9/21/11 at 3:08am
It's insulting to your partner if you're the one getting fat. The weight loss shouldn't even be a present- you should get them something and then tell them "hey I've been watching how much I eat and getting more active and have been losing about a pound a week so far, have you noticed anything yet?"
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post #11 of 21
9/21/11 at 9:39am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bkstone View Post

Tell a loved one instead that you will give a certain amount of money to them (a amount that you personally consider significant) if you don't loose weight. Depending on how much you like money, that will motivate you more than promising to lose weight out of guilt.
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Interesting idea. Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eason View Post

It's insulting to your partner if you're the one getting fat. The weight loss shouldn't even be a present- you should get them something and then tell them "hey I've been watching how much I eat and getting more active and have been losing about a pound a week so far, have you noticed anything yet?"

But the article is about motivating men who don't seem to want to do anything. The difficulty is motivating without being insulting. Of course superficialty is part of it in most cases. But that's human nature. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/163565
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post #12 of 21
9/21/11 at 12:43pm
I really don't see it working very often. External motivation rarely does for weight loss, unless it eventually translates into internal motivation. The person trying to lose weight will end up getting mad at you for "making him/her diet", start cheating on the diet when you're not looking, etc.

There's also the "You called me fat you asshole" factor.
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post #13 of 21
9/21/11 at 12:45pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mensimageconsultant View Post


But the article is about motivating men who don't seem to want to do anything. The difficulty is motivating without being insulting. Of course superficialty is part of it in most cases. But that's human nature. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/163565

The responses in that article are priceless. Lots of man bashing. I guess they don't realize you can't force attraction.
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post #14 of 21
9/22/11 at 9:15am
Thread Starter 
"Diets don't work." The article isn't going to recommend "diets," per se.
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post #15 of 21
9/22/11 at 10:58am
IMO, the only thing that will make a person lose weight is an internal motivation. External ones just tend to piss people off, and if that pressure is coming from a sig O, it would tend to cause resentment. When I was a kid I dated a girl for about eight months and she put on a material amount of weight starting at month two. I guess she was nesting and figured we were headed down the aisle. Around month seven I bought her an exercise bike and some visits at a weight loss center. We were done by the middle of month eight. Good thing as last I heard she's Shamoo.

I put on some weight, and lost some muscle weight through aging and inactivity, over the course of my current relationship. She never said a word but when I started losing weight she was pretty supportive. I mean, an Asian girl that gave up rice at home without batting an eye. What motivated me was getting some bad lab work back.

I would also add that if a partner pressures the other to lose weight they had better have washboard abs or it is going to seem a bit disingenuous.
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