What's the deal with this guy in the bathroom? (Public Bathroom Etiquette) - Page 42

just found this goldmine of a thread, props pB

This was a really entertaining thread, read it from page 1. I have quite a bit of stool stories of my own, but I think I will start off in the beginning.

It was the year 1994, I was only a lad. My mother took me to Taiwan for the summer, up until this point I had not left the states before so I was unfamiliar with other countries. Upon arriving I noticed a few things; firstly there was no central air conditioning, secondly it was very hot, and thirdly western "sitting" toilets where very scarce. I remember at a tea house I suddenly felt the urge to squat one out, a big one. I felt a rumble in my intestines that had enough 'oomph' to put ripples my tea. The red alert sirens and lights where going off in me, I knew that I could not contain this one. Sweating cold sweat I abruptly stood up, and ask the waitress where the restroom is. While I was briskly walking I was narrowing down the list of what could have caused this. I blamed the water, it went through me like a armor piercing bullet.

Bursting through the doors I find to my horror that there are no toilets to be found, there is only stalls with little "Urinals" implanted into the floor. This was all very foreign to me but now was not the time for curiosity I had to act! I unzipped my pants and squatted, trying to get my aim. I could not inch that much to the lip of the toilet for fear of defecating on my own trousers. (Interesting note: I cannot squat flat footed, most people in Asia can. I guess for this very reason) After double checking my calculations and guaranteeing my aim was true I let 'er rip. Satisfied, I stood up and buttoned my pants back on. Turning around I looked into the bowl, I wanted to gaze at the culprit who caused me so much agony face to face but I saw nothing in the bowl. Puzzled I scanned around the room and woe behold, I see a...mountain of turd right at the very lip of the toilet, it did not go in. Unfazed I puffed my chest out as it was not a bad first try, I nonchalantly grabbed some toilet paper and tossed it on the swirly turd (You know the ice cream you get at buffet's that come out of a vending vending machine and they always have that little tail at the end?) and "Kicked" it in the toilet. Only the turd was not solid enough to punt, so my "GOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLL" Was cut short. Needless to say the feces 'smeared' about 4 inches, most of it fell into the toilet but it was still a mess. Defeated, I quickly washed my hands and left. I told my mom that I wanted to leave and made up some BS reason, and we high tailed it out of there.