The guy wasn't trying to troll -- he was being satirical and made it obvious from the start. I found it funny and wish the OP weren't banned. It is harmless fun. If he were really trying to lure people into a troll thread then banning would be a little more appropriate, IMHO.
As for his request for help, I'd strongly recommend the Ed Hardy line. He may or may not make black suits, I'm not sure, but if not just go with the Target Merona suit jacket and sport a Hardy t-shirt underneath (the colors usually pop this way), with some black dress slacks and then some nice black square-toed shoes (get the really shiny, plasticy ones like tuxedo shoes are since it is for a wedding).