Originally Posted by someoneNew
IMO this is true.
Let's see, some traits that made a strong bond with my wife pre-marriage...
-First date was over 6 hours and not 1 second of awkward silence, great chemistry and friendship from the start - very easy to communicate with.
-Identical values, even though that wasn't obvious from the start
-As cheesy as it sounds, she made me want to be a better man
-I'm more proud, attracted, and in awe of her than anyone else I've ever known
-In the end it's just that "feeling," however, if you've had that feeling with the last 6 girls you've dated then don't use it anymore
I think this is spot on.
By the way, the Washington Post had a fascinating article a few years back about who gets divorced and why. I thought the most interesting point was the finding that, for people who get divorced within the first 7 years, the most common reason for getting divorced was "falling out of love"; "no longer in love"; and similar reasons. The study found that, in the majority of these cases, the couple started to lose that "spark" or "love" after about 2 years, and it was eventually followed by divorce in the next few years. The study also found though that these couples (wrongly) equated moving into the next stage of the relationship (past the puppy-love stage) as falling out of love. Because they no longer had the same burning flame they'd had when they got married, they assumed they had fallen out of love, and they got demoralized, etc. and got divorced. The study essentially concluded that such couples are "relationship immature" -- they don't understand what they are feeling; that it is normal; that all couples move into various stages in their relationship; etc. While some people surely were never right for each other from the start, and some people don't want to be in a relationship unless they have the intense puppylove, those who are "relationship mature/secure" understand and expect relationships to change with time. While some puppylove (hopefully) continues, more at the forefront is admiration, respect, comfort, family. The article also said that the happiest older couples (those together for 20+ years) were those that had some mutual friends and that shared at least one significant hobby or interest (examples given, IIRC, were gardening, or tending to and enjoying time at a weekend house). Anyway, it was a fascinating article I thought.