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Big life/career decisions, nervousness, little voice saying no...how to decide

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
I have an opportunity to change careers. It will involve me resigning from my job and moving to New York City. Right now, I have it pretty cushy, in that I live where I grew up, where my family is, etc. I don't make much, and my job is a dead-end gig, but life's OK. With the summer, there are occasions to have a good life with sailing, good food, taking the motorbike out, relaxing, etc etc. With my current living arrangements, I'm alright for money. It's about money at this stage of my life, money trumps job satisfaction. Money, and quality of life, with one leading to the other. I've been living this life for the past 2 years, and then in April--I decided I coudln't go on like this, and I decided to make a career change. It proved easier than you'd imagine, than even I'd imagined, everything just fell into place like lego, everything is now set. I am scheduled to move to NYC next week to start a new field, in a new city, new everything. But I'm having trouble sleeping. Something in me is not altogether happy with this. I'm 30..everyone else (at least through social media) would be jumping up in cloud 9 when something totally new like this is happening to them. Not me. I'm nervous, my head is not working, I'm not thrilled....I'm nervous and scared. Is this just butterflies before my big change? Or does my subconscious, or whatever, know that this change is wrong--and therefore, holding me back? I am always chickening out before doing anything--everything from a vacation to a big project---but this is a life-changing decision, and there will be no turning back. Failure is not an option, in other words. How do I figure if it's just nerves, or if this is wrong? Some of the advice here from posters is quite insightful, so I thought I'd put my situation out here.
post #2 of 27
Every time I've ignored my negative gut feeling and jumped into something I've come to regret it later. Just sayin'.
post #3 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by odoreater View Post
Every time I've ignored my negative gut feeling and jumped into something I've come to regret it later. Just sayin'.
yeah...but how do you know if that negative gut feeling is just nerves, or a deep-seated intuititive understanding that this is wrong? Logically, this seems the right decision to make...I've discussed it with 30439482308493 people and they all say this is a glorious opportunity not to be missed....but then why is my gut holding me back? Am I scared of success? How can I tell?
post #4 of 27
I'm generally not the type of person that feels negative "nerves" when something new is happening. I might feel an excited nervousness, but it's usually not negative. But that could just be me.
post #5 of 27
Maybe you're just scared of the change. Either way, it's a risk and as every single cliche/proverb says, ya gotta take risks to reap the rewards. I say go for it.
post #6 of 27
There is a difference between nerves and something feeling wrong. Try to figure out which it is. It's not unexpected to get nerves, but when something feels wrong, it's probably a bad idea to ignore those feelings.

A question to ask yourself is whether you'd regret giving up this opportunity. The most bitter and defensive people I know seem to have a lot of coulda, shoulda, wouldas, in their lives.
post #7 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by miran View Post
I have an opportunity to change careers. It will involve me resigning from my job and moving to New York City.
How do I figure if it's just nerves, or if this is wrong?

Some of the advice here from posters is quite insightful, so I thought I'd put my situation out here.

Who knows for sure if this is just nerves from a big change in your life or something else. I think most people would be very nervous before a big move like this. You wrote that most people would be on cloud 9. But please realize that is easy for people to say. And it looks like you have spent most of your adult life in this "comfortable situation". Who wouldn't be very nervous about such a big change?

I don't know how many of these opportunities you are going to get. But I would guess it is easier to come back home to a dead end job from NYC than it is to find another opportunity like this. Your ego may not like thinking about coming home. But if you hate it, it will be much easier mto come back than you think right now.

Also, think about this. If you turn this down now, what changes your current situation? Something led you to feeling like you needed a change. If you don't go, you may feel safe and happy for a while but how do you feel a few years from now? Still stuck? Plus you probably will have the additional anger inside at yourself for not taking the opportunity when you had it. Do you want to live with that another 30 some years of your working life?

It may not be comfortable and easy when you get there - at first. But I am convinced those tryng times and uncomfortable times are the best situations for people to really learn and grow.

Good luck
post #8 of 27
Would it really be that hard to come back to your current lifestyle if things didn't work out in NYC? Compare that to how difficult it would be to find another offer like the current one. I don't know you or your what field you're going into exactly, but I'd imagine it's pretty rare for things to just fall into place so easily.
post #9 of 27
Just a reminder the cost of living in N.Y. is very high. I should know i have lived in all of the five boroughs of new york and even long island with the median 1 bedroom apartment going for $1600 and up with rents like that its hard to buy a home. Not just real estate and things are expensive here the food markets etc. the life style and things to do here are amazing you'll be exposed to so many different cultures and ethnicities its amazing.
post #10 of 27
Hemingway once sent a letter to Norman Mailer in which he wrote (I'm quoting from memory here): "The only advice I can give you is not to worry. Worrying is for suckers, and you can't write, fight, or fuck if you worry. This doesn't mean you shouldn't think." That pretty much expresses my advice on your problem: think it through thoroughly, and then either do it or don't. Just know that thought will only take you to a certain point. Rarely will it rid you of that feeling of uncertainty. I think you'd do well to learn to tolerate that feeling and not let it influence your actions--in other words, don't sit around waiting for certainty before you act.
post #11 of 27
Lemme tell you something. I'm a coward and a wimp. I know this very well. I've learned to use this. If I'm terrified of a decision, I take that as a sign that it's the right move. A comfortable rut is as good as death.
post #12 of 27
know that nothing is permenant. It's the very nature of life to change. So it may take a little time, money, and effort, but nothing is absolute. If you get to the new life and 6 months in don't like it you can always come right back to where you are now. change leads to learning to cope with change. This experience, good or bad will give you character, ie teach you how to deal with something new so the next time round it's easier becuase you will have a better idea of what to do.
post #13 of 27
quality of life trumps money. why make money if it does not improve your life? are you trying to make money to improve your image and how others view you? i started my career with a big salary for a new grad and have very low expenses in a town that is cheap to live in. even with all the extra cash floating around, its terribly depressing. is that what you want?
post #14 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by gqreader239 View Post
quality of life trumps money. why make money if it does not improve your life? are you trying to make money to improve your image and how others view you?

i started my career with a big salary for a new grad and have very low expenses in a town that is cheap to live in. even with all the extra cash floating around, its terribly depressing. is that what you want?

Some people like to suffer now, make a lot of money, so they can have more enjoyment later.
post #15 of 27
I'm thinking you are afraid to find out whether or not you really have what it takes to suceed.

If you go to New York and fail ... you can go home.
But if you stay home ... you'll never know if you could have made it in New York.

Go.
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