The little horrors in life

peeing in the middle of the night, too lazy to turn on the light, and first stream comes out shooting everywhere but in the toilet. now you not only have to turn on the light, but have to clean up that shit. broken tv remote. fucking crazy family members calling you at work, first thing in the morning.

One of the assistants/admins in my office recently guilt-tripped everyone into setting aside an entire day next week to go do volunteer work. The idea has now achieved so much currency in the office that the "volunteer" part no longer seems true.

when you flush a toilet with a normal sized shit, and normal amount of toilet paper, but there is a perfect storm of awkward flush physics that still results in a semi clog.

You stare at the steady rise of water until it hits the bottom of the rim in total horror.... and then by the grace of God it slowly starts spiraling back down.

this horror is multiplied exponentially when it happens at someone else's house.

Finding out that someday there will be a mini-Eason on this earth.

that may one day impregnate your future daughter

wait - cuddling doesn't produce children. If it did, though, they would probably be half-kwilk, half-pillow.

Getting anything from the medicine cabinet, and having 2000 plastic bottles, band aids, and empty medicine boxes falling down in a nuclear chain reaction, leaving you shaking and emptying the whole drawer in the hopes that, at some time, your doctor gave you a bottle of Xanax.

Ouch baby, very ouch. My sex life has been very active lately, though. I just don't post about it every time I touch a breast anymore.

mosquito bite on your nuts that itch on your back that you can't ever really reach when you use the spray sunblock but fail to realize that you're supposed to smooth out the spray, which results in little sunburnt blotches that show all the places you missed

blowing a tire, taking out the spare and seeing that the spare is flat.

while wearing a nice suit. In the summer.

that hole on your sock and in the course of the day you feel your toe going through said hole that moment after you fap to some porn when you have to turn the player off before you wash up trying to cut off a piece of clear tape and you can't fucking find the tip of the tape plus your fingernails are freshly trimmed middle of the day and you know that fart left a streak in your underwear