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21st century women can be difficult - Page 3

post #31 of 278
Quote:
My wife does not work anymore.

And never will again. Your life is over. And you have no sanction. She's already not sleeping with you, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by munchausen View Post
Seriously, dude needs a divorce.

So he can pay alimony, childcare and live in a one-bedroom studio?
post #32 of 278
Point taken. Dude needs a time machine.
post #33 of 278
Sounds like he needs a belt and a raised voice.
post #34 of 278
Your wife can do whatever she wants. This isn't the fifties, OP.
post #35 of 278
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Originally Posted by landshark View Post
Sounds like he needs a belt and a raised voice.
^^^ Sounds like a man who knows how to get shit done.
post #36 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by SirGrotius View Post
I'm a new dad, and my wife and I have been married about five years. I married a very progressive, 21st century woman. We dated a long time before marriage, too.

I work long hours (60+ a week), but bring in a comfortable standard of living. My wife does not work anymore. She had an on-and-off again career in education, but never needed to work.

Here's the rub, she WANTS to stay home for our newborn, and I'm cool with that but now that I'm a little older and worn out I wouldn't mind having married a less-progressive woman. I'm more stressed out when I come home than when I'm working. I come home and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'd just love to have the smell of dinner in the house. Never. Even the mention of that expectation would be enough to have me labeled as a neanderthal. We have a house cleaner, and now we're looking in to hiring a nanny part-time too.

My wife takes care of the baby, but I watch him mornings and for a good part of the weekends. When I get home from work I want to unwind, but instead I have to jump into taking care of the kid.

There's a part of me that wonders if I'm an unreasonable savage and there's another part that wonders if being a liberal, 21st century male means I've lost my balls.

I think you have lost your balls. Why? For a number of years I was a stay at home Dad, my wife was working in the film industry and the hours while on production were a bitch. I had to juggle going back to University,domestic duties, look after baby and do a couple of shifts a week working as a chef. Interesting balancing act. We shared as much of the work load as we could and when I had Uni assignments to do it would be her watch to look after her son. We communicated enjoyed bringing up baby and had a life. You sound like a prisoner to your wife.

Simply you sound as if your being fucked over good and proper. You need to talk to her about the division of labour, and for fucks sake why if the wife has a cleaner do you need a nanny, for gods sake man grow a pair and sort this situation out before you end up contributing to some lawyers kid college fund.
post #37 of 278
Quote:
When I get home from work I want to unwind, but instead I have to jump into taking care of the kid.
Your levels of resentment and self pity are glaringly obvious. By "the kid" I beleive you mean your "newborn" child.
post #38 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carlisle Blues View Post
Your levels of resentment and self pity are glaringly obvious. By "the kid" I beleive you mean your "newborn" child.

This guy has floated up shit creek, cut him some slack.

Threads like this only re-enforce my no marriage policy.
post #39 of 278
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Originally Posted by BlackShoes View Post
Threads like this only re-enforce my no marriage policy.
You sound like a catch.
post #40 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by SirGrotius View Post
I'm a new dad, and my wife and I have been married about five years. I married a very progressive, 21st century woman. We dated a long time before marriage, too.

I work long hours (60+ a week), but bring in a comfortable standard of living. My wife does not work anymore. She had an on-and-off again career in education, but never needed to work.

Here's the rub, she WANTS to stay home for our newborn, and I'm cool with that but now that I'm a little older and worn out I wouldn't mind having married a less-progressive woman. I'm more stressed out when I come home than when I'm working. I come home and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'd just love to have the smell of dinner in the house. Never. Even the mention of that expectation would be enough to have me labeled as a neanderthal. We have a house cleaner, and now we're looking in to hiring a nanny part-time too.

My wife takes care of the baby, but I watch him mornings and for a good part of the weekends. When I get home from work I want to unwind, but instead I have to jump into taking care of the kid.

There's a part of me that wonders if I'm an unreasonable savage and there's another part that wonders if being a liberal, 21st century male means I've lost my balls.


I have some sympathy for your situation, as it's a tough situation, both for you and for your wife. Having a young child (I have two), whilst immensely rewarding, can also be mentally, emotionally and physically draining.

However, I think that you're going to have to give up your ambition of having some "quiet time" by yourself when you get home from work. Having a child demands sacrifices, and I think that's going to be one of them. Try to enjoy your time with your baby, to relax with him/her if possible, and to then have some truly quiet time by yourself when your baby has gone to bed.

I do think that you need to talk further with your wife, too. Looking after a child isn't an easy thing to do, but nor is working a 60hr week, and if you're working hard outside the home, it's up to her to work at home. Perhaps things will pick up when your child gets a bit older and doesn't need almost constant attention, but it's best not to bet on that and to instead try to set down some ground rules now.
post #41 of 278
Quote:
Originally Posted by HgaleK View Post
You sound like a catch.

hes smart
post #42 of 278
post #43 of 278
Sucks for you. This is why you dont marry a woman until you are sure what kind of person she is. My mom cooked, cleaned, raised 3 kids, sent us to tutors/activities every day. This is from when we were dirt poor till we are wealthy. Never had a maid, how lazy can your wife get?
post #44 of 278
I would just make really smart aleck remarks continually about how badly my family is fed and what uninhabitable conditions they live in, until she blows up and goes crazy, and then you have a chip to play. (2) /passiveaggressiveasiandude
post #45 of 278
Can someone please explain to me why people keep saying taking care of a baby is a very difficult thing to do? A friend and his wife have a 6mo old baby. He works 5-6 days per week and she works 3 days per week. The house is alway a tragic mess. I took care of the baby while they were both working and managed to have a great time with the baby, clean and organize the house from top to bottom and I had dinner ready when they both drove up the driveway. Actually it was fun. I know doing this for weeks and months on end can make you want a vacation but acting as though physically taking care of your household is some sort of tough job that people should get awards for is beyond me. I think it is pure laziness.
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