Originally Posted by SirGrotius
I'm a new dad, and my wife and I have been married about five years. I married a very progressive, 21st century woman. We dated a long time before marriage, too.
I work long hours (60+ a week), but bring in a comfortable standard of living. My wife does not work anymore. She had an on-and-off again career in education, but never needed to work.
Here's the rub, she WANTS to stay home for our newborn, and I'm cool with that but now that I'm a little older and worn out I wouldn't mind having married a less-progressive woman. I'm more stressed out when I come home than when I'm working. I come home and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'd just love to have the smell of dinner in the house. Never. Even the mention of that expectation would be enough to have me labeled as a neanderthal. We have a house cleaner, and now we're looking in to hiring a nanny part-time too.
My wife takes care of the baby, but I watch him mornings and for a good part of the weekends. When I get home from work I want to unwind, but instead I have to jump into taking care of the kid.
There's a part of me that wonders if I'm an unreasonable savage and there's another part that wonders if being a liberal, 21st century male means I've lost my balls.
I have some sympathy for your situation, as it's a tough situation, both for you and for your wife. Having a young child (I have two), whilst immensely rewarding, can also be mentally, emotionally and physically draining.
However, I think that you're going to have to give up your ambition of having some "quiet time" by yourself when you get home from work. Having a child demands sacrifices, and I think that's going to be one of them. Try to enjoy your time with your baby, to relax with him/her if possible, and to then have some truly quiet time by yourself when your baby has gone to bed.
I do think that you need to talk further with your wife, too. Looking after a child isn't an easy thing to do, but nor is working a 60hr week, and if you're working hard outside the home, it's up to her to work at home. Perhaps things will pick up when your child gets a bit older and doesn't need almost constant attention, but it's best not to bet on that and to instead try to set down some ground rules now.