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money as wedding presents

post #1 of 18
5/4/11 at 11:24am
Thread Starter 
All, I figure some of the older bunch here might be able to advise me. I got engaged, and we are looking at getting all the wedding non sense set up, which has been a breeze so far.

We have come to the gifts. I have been living in my home for 4 years now, and she moved in and has done her touch ups and changes as we saw fit. Meaning, we don't need anything for the house. We are asking for money, and will be leaving a "Wishing Well" deal where people can drop their cards off with checks or cash or whatever. But we want to have an online transaction. Immediately I was thinking paypal, but have any of you dealt with any of the actual companies that provide this service?

ie www.ourwishingwell.com, www.starlightregistry.com

Thanks! I obviously want to make it so the gift giver doesn't get charged a fee, and we don't get dinged with a huge service charge of withdrawing the money.

With paypal, they need to be a user to send it, which is a pain, and trying to explain to send it as a gift seems like a large headache.

Cheers! TIA
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post #2 of 18
5/4/11 at 11:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by .bishop View Post
All, I figure some of the older bunch here might be able to advise me. I got engaged, and we are looking at getting all the wedding non sense set up, which has been a breeze so far.

We have come to the gifts. I have been living in my home for 4 years now, and she moved in and has done her touch ups and changes as we saw fit. Meaning, we don't need anything for the house. We are asking for money, and will be leaving a "Wishing Well" deal where people can drop their cards off with checks or cash or whatever. But we want to have an online transaction. Immediately I was thinking paypal, but have any of you dealt with any of the actual companies that provide this service?

ie www.ourwishingwell.com, www.starlightregistry.com

Thanks! I obviously want to make it so the gift giver doesn't get charged a fee, and we don't get dinged with a huge service charge of withdrawing the money.

With paypal, they need to be a user to send it, which is a pain, and trying to explain to send it as a gift seems like a large headache.

Cheers! TIA

how old with the guests be? I'm 45, I would never paypal a wedding gift. also, don't think that you will influence the decision of how to give at the wedding itself, you need to have people decide to give you money earlier on. I'd suggest registering for a really small number of things, and then people will check, find that everything has been bought, and give you money.
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post #3 of 18
5/4/11 at 11:36am
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
how old with the guests be? I'm 45, I would never paypal a wedding gift. also, don't think that you will influence the decision of how to give at the wedding itself, you need to have people decide to give you money earlier on. I'd suggest registering for a really small number of things, and then people will check, find that everything has been bought, and give you money.

+1

I think this is the best way to go about it. I think asking for money directly is a bit distasteful.
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post #4 of 18
5/4/11 at 11:37am
Thread Starter 
That is something we are trying to overcome. A wedding I had went to used an online site, but it was like "pay for our lunch at bla bla on our honeymoon: $50 dollars" etc. etc.
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post #5 of 18
5/4/11 at 11:40am
Forget the online transaction nonsense and just be happy with cash and checks. Don't specifically ask for money but also don't register for anything. People will get the hint.
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post #6 of 18
5/4/11 at 12:20pm
[QUOTE-- We are asking for money, and will be leaving a "Wishing Well" deal where people can drop their cards off with checks or cash or whatever.

Tasteful. Hope they drop the checks or cash in the Wishing Well and too much of the "whatever."
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post #7 of 18
5/4/11 at 12:35pm
Giving money in lieu of a traditional gift is quite common at Chinese weddings. I have been to two such weddings in the past month, and dropped off a card + check in a locked box. I think having an online service for this transaction is overly complicating matters.

If you still want an online transaction, look into WePay. I used it to donate to a Japan fundraiser.
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post #8 of 18
5/4/11 at 2:15pm
I've been invited to a wedding that's coming up in a couple of weeks. The couple has requested a financial contribution to be used for buying their first house. I don't usually give money to non-family members, but I want to comply with their request. I'm not sure how much to give. I don't really know them that well.
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post #9 of 18
5/4/11 at 2:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I've been invited to a wedding that's coming up in a couple of weeks. The couple has requested a financial contribution to be used for buying their first house. I don't usually give money to non-family members, but I want to comply with their request. I'm not sure how much to give. I don't really know them that well.
I'd say start off with $100 ($200 if you're half of a couple) and adjust based upon your financial means, how well you know the couple getting married, etc.
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post #10 of 18
5/4/11 at 3:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I've been invited to a wedding that's coming up in a couple of weeks. The couple has requested a financial contribution to be used for buying their first house. I don't usually give money to non-family members, but I want to comply with their request. I'm not sure how much to give. I don't really know them that well.

Why are you going?
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post #11 of 18
5/4/11 at 3:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by gladhands View Post
+1

I think this is the best way to go about it. I think asking for money directly is a bit distasteful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnGalt View Post
Forget the online transaction nonsense and just be happy with cash and checks. Don't specifically ask for money but also don't register for anything. People will get the hint.

these are correct. thats what my wife and i did. registered for the essentials only. nothing crazy like waterford service for 16, and we got all the registered items and the rest in cash.

also find a place like bed bath and beyond that lets you return anything from the registry for cash no questions asked. there are people who do not like giving cash, they find it impersonal. this way they feel like they got you something nice, and if you dont want it you return it for cash and everyone is happy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I've been invited to a wedding that's coming up in a couple of weeks. The couple has requested a financial contribution to be used for buying their first house. I don't usually give money to non-family members, but I want to comply with their request. I'm not sure how much to give. I don't really know them that well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ambulance Chaser View Post
I'd say start off with $100 ($200 if you're half of a couple) and adjust based upon your financial means, how well you know the couple getting married, etc.

yup, 100 bucks is a good starter. if you can afford more great, if you cant you cant. we got checks for $20, they were from people i knew had limited means and i was very touched that they gave us a gift at all when i knew times were tough for them.
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post #12 of 18
5/4/11 at 3:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I've been invited to a wedding that's coming up in a couple of weeks. The couple has requested a financial contribution to be used for buying their first house. I don't usually give money to non-family members, but I want to comply with their request. I'm not sure how much to give. I don't really know them that well.
my rule of thumb is a $100 start point, whether it's just me or me+1. I adjust accordingly as to how close i am to the bride and groom. granted i'm 27 years old and most of the weddings i have gone to in the last 2-3 years have been for friends of similar age. at first, i thought $100 light, but after hearing multiple stories of people getting $20 in an envelope with no card, i really don't feel too bad about it.
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post #13 of 18
5/4/11 at 4:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by CouttsClient View Post
Why are you going?
I'm not going, and have already sent my regrets. I do want to send a gift though.

I know the groom-to-be on a professional basis, but have never met the bride-to-be. I was initially thinking of $50.
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post #14 of 18
5/4/11 at 4:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I'm not going, and have already sent my regrets. I do want to send a gift though.

I know the groom-to-be on a professional basis, but have never met the bride-to-be. I was initially thinking of $50.

50 is fine i think given this situation
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post #15 of 18
5/4/11 at 4:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
I'm not going, and have already sent my regrets. I do want to send a gift though.

I know the groom-to-be on a professional basis, but have never met the bride-to-be. I was initially thinking of $50.
$50 seems perfectly acceptable
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