Originally Posted by Mentos
In response to the original post, and partly in response to the current direction, the ultimate goal of a lifelong relationship (and I am not in one) is not to have someone to screw or show off. If you look for that, don't be surprised if you end up with someone who is nothing more than a trophy for you (because the sex will fade in a loveless relationship). If you attempt to judge anyone, potential mate or not, strictly on some hot meter, you'll fail to let a lot of really great people into your life.
I think the SF posters take a pretty rounded view of life. I'm sure that we all have physical attributes that we look for, but I don't think of this as a superficial place. Indeed, that's why I like it.
GQ, based only on this thread, you seem to have a lot to sort out. You should attend to that before you attempt to start a serious relationship.
First off, a disclaimer: I hope I'm not offending any of the married guys. That's really not my intention and I sincerely hope you're all happy with your marriages. I'm not trying to imply that anyone shouldn't be. Everyone has a right to their own approach to life.
Mentos, I don't know how i can explain it any clearer. Looks are not my only criteria (as I've stated several times), however they are important to me. I sort the women I meet. Some are suitable as friends, some as sexual partners, and others as potential girlfriends. I apply my criteria to the latter. Women do the same thing although they probably don't use such a defined system and they place more emphasis on other things, such as financial security.
I don't think I can get everything I want in a woman and I fully expect that whomever I eventually settle down with will not be perfect. However, I don't see how looking for a certain level of attractiveness, no matter how high or low, has to be mutually exclusive to all other considerations. Everyone does it, some just set their standards a little higher and/or refuse to compromise on whatever criteria, whether consciously or subconsciously established, that they deem important.
The fact that I'm searching for a certain level of attractiveness in a mate has got absolutely nothing to do with showing her off. Nowhere have I made unreasonable claims that I'll only date perfect 10s. Nor do I hang-out with people that are constantly trying to one-up each other and show off their money and possessions. I've dated the type of girl that's pure eye candy and they've never held my interest.
However, I will not start a relationship (which is to be distinguished from dating) with someone that doesn't turn me on and whom I don't expect would continue to turn me on over the years, despite aging & all that other stuff. I would rather remain single and bide my time until the right one comes along. I'm not in a rush. At the same time, I believe this increases my chances at finding a desireable match since I don't get bogged-down in longer term relationships that lead nowhere. I'm sure you all know people that exclusively date attractive women, but I think you're all getting upset because I've put in place a system for something that in many peoples' minds should not be objectified.
Look at the statistics, just because people decide that whomever they're dating is good enough for marriage doesn't make them any happier as a group vs. single people. ~50% of marriages end in divorce. And let me ask you, how many of those marriages that last for longer than 10 years are truely happy marriages? Every marriage has ups and downs and I can accept that, however I've met so many married couples throughout the years that are just going through the motions or treading water, with neither party really satisfied. Here's an interesting question, what defines a successful marriage?Is it just staying together?
Getting back on point, how many women complain that their husbands don't touch them anymore? Obviously the frequency of sex decreases after marriage, but when a man never tries to have sex with his wife, maybe it's because he's no longer attracted to her? I just want to eliminate that possibility as much as possible because I know it can't be good for the marriage. After all, women can sense if you're not attracted to them anymore and I'm sure it leads to all sorts of negative thoughts which only act as a further wedge between the two parties.
Taken alone, none of this should mean that I have issues to sort out because in actual fact I'm quite enjoying my life. I meet lots of women, some of whom I date, and others whom I befriend. I haven't had a real girlfriend in a couple years but I'm fine with that as I have an active social life, can get dates when I want them, and don't need to depend on any one person.
Applying such objective analysis to potential partners might not seem romantic to some, but it's my way of avoiding future problems. Some women age gracefully, and others start to look really bad after 10 years. I went to testify at a friends child support hearing and I couldn't believe how ugly his ex had gotten. I asked him what he was thinking and he swore up and down she looked a lot better when he was with her.
I think it only prudent that I do everything in my power to ensure that when I do settle down with someone, I'm not going to want to cheat on them in a few years time. I can tell you this, if I marry a woman that goes rapidly down-hill in terms of appearance, I will lose interest in her. Maybe this makes me a terrible person, but I think it would be foolish (and potentially very expensive) to ignore what I know to be true about myself.
Having said that, walking around town I see many women in the 35-50 range that make me pause and think that if my wife still looks like that after so many years, I'll be a happy camper. I really don't believe that a 7 on to the scale above is all that much to ask for. Hell, even the super in my new building is quite attractive. She's gained some weight from when she was young (she's around 40) but she's got a beautiful face, takes great care of herself, and has a wonderful personality. Then again, she didn't start as a 5.
If anyone wants to take issue with any of the reasoning that i've put forth, go ahead. I'm open-minded and perfectly willing to debate any aspect of this. I've deferred to the collective wisdom of the forum in the past. However, I'd appreciate if you avoid making statements of the sort that I have issues to sort out because despite the fact that i've been quite willing to discuss aspects of my personal life on this forum, it's quite presumptous to think that you can arrive at any meaningful conclusions based on a few posts, as I think I illustrated in my response to LAGuy. Despite their apparent detail, there is also a lot of information left-out.
Anyway, I do have work to do ;p