Wrong to the point of perversion. The man's clearly a deviant. I mean, jeans are bad. Cargo pants? What next, fucking tennis shoes?
Ye gods! The be-nippled blazer, the hideous trousers, all that Justin Bieber shit on your wrist...I am lost for words! Er...I kind of like the pocket square.
As for your signature, I've just noticed the rest of it. Derek, we all like animals, and we all have our "private moments", but for the love of God, no sentence should include "jack off" and "play with your dog" in proximity.