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HOF: What Are You Wearing Right Now - Part III - Page 1823  

post #27331 of 78722
Marriage and having children are huge decisions that shouldn't be rushed or pressured into.
post #27332 of 78722
What is it about commitment in a legally binding (and religiously, in my case) relationship does everyone hate so much? Seeking after emotions first and behavior second seems to be the root of this phenomenon. Blame it on Greek thought, I guess…

And old, single people are usually way weirder than married ones (you seem pretty cool, HF).
post #27333 of 78722

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

Will.i.n

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

Will.i.n

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

Will.i.n

 


to which degree of brain damage do we owe this pleasure?

post #27334 of 78722
Quote:
Originally Posted by mossrockss View Post

What is it about commitment in a legally binding (and religiously, in my case) relationship does everyone hate so much? Seeking after emotions first and behavior second seems to be the root of this phenomenon. Blame it on Greek thought, I guess…
And old, single people are usually way weirder than married ones (you seem pretty cool, HF).

I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. I was just making an observation that younger people on this forum seem to be married. People my age that I am friends with are pretty far away from it. I think, like Will.i.n said, living in an urban area might have something to do with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by clapeyron View Post











to which degree of brain damage do we owe this pleasure?

To Will.i.n, of course. Duh.
post #27335 of 78722

The time comes when some girl steals your heart, you never know when biggrin.gif

post #27336 of 78722

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Willin View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdfast View Post

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

As someone who much prefers unmarried & childless life, one good thing about our present times is that it is much easier to choose a lifestyle that is amicable to an individual rather than feeling pressured for whatever reason to marry. Of course, financial and social pressures still exist, but I still think it's easier to remain happily unmarried than has been the case for a very long time. Of course, if someone genuinely wants to commit to share their existence with someone else, that's a brave and nice thing, I suppose, and I wish them well.



A lavender sort of day...
Yj5XA.jpg

Would you say that hearing people's incessant whining about their marriages all day has influenced this worldview? (I gather you're a psychologist?) It's a curious thing how psychologists private lives can be adversely affected by their profession.

Anyway, pardon me chatting and not providing pics of fits...

 

That's OK, it's an interesting topic.

 

Your question is adroit. I would not say that my private thoughts have been adversely affected by my profession, but I would say that it's instructive & enlightening to talk to a large number of people and think about their situations. I don't think this is necessarily an experience unique to psychiatrists but applies to anyone working in close contact with large numbers of the general public. Salespeople, politicians, negotiators, etc... even hairdressers; they all get privileged insight into a wide spectrum of minds. I think that experience is a positive, not a negative.

 

The key thing to me, is what leads to a person maximising their happiness i.e. feeling whole & complete. As I think I implied in my earlier post, I have an ecumenical perspective on what that means to different people. Some people find their identity through relationships, others through their children, others through adventure, and still others through quieter contemplation. Whatever works is OK. As long as life is approached with forethought and perspective - i.e. people have insight into their actions - the odds of a good outcome (which in the long term always means being able to die with a sense of fulfilment about life) are improved. I do think many people rush into relationships, children and marriage without applying that forethought. Sometimes that's because of social or financial pressure, other times because of impetuosity or a generally myopic and/or volatile worldview. The odds of those folks being happy in the long term drops by comparison. Those that approach the concept of a relationship seriously tend to have better odds of happiness and success. But odds aren't the same as certainties.

 

Coming back to myself, I know from understanding the nature of my personality pretty well by thinking about it deeply for many years that I would be feel more constrained than liberated by marriage and/or having children, which inevitably would mean less net personal happiness. So I eschew that outcome. But again, that's just me, and I would never suggest that preference has universal applicability; in fact, it does not. Much more important is each individual deciding - with insight into their own minds - what is best for them.

 

PS. mossrocks: everyone is extremely and intensely weird, whether they happen to be single or married, so I wouldn't use that as a point of comparison. ;)

post #27337 of 78722
I didn't know you were such a hedonist, Holdfast! laugh.gif
post #27338 of 78722
I could not even imagine how great is to have a baby.
Don't eat junk food and you would be skinny even with 5 kids smile.gif

467


And stuff for today. Winter came to Toronto again censored.gif

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post #27339 of 78722
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdfast View Post



That's OK, it's an interesting topic.

Your question is adroit. I would not say that my private thoughts have been adversely affected by my profession, but I would say that it's instructive & enlightening to talk to a large number of people and think about their situations. I don't think this is necessarily an experience unique to psychiatrists but applies to anyone working in close contact with large numbers of the general public. Salespeople, politicians, negotiators, etc... even hairdressers; they all get privileged insight into a wide spectrum of minds. I think that experience is a positive, not a negative.

The key thing to me, is what leads to a person maximising their happiness i.e. feeling whole & complete. As I think I implied in my earlier post, I have an ecumenical perspective on what that means to different people. Some people find their identity through relationships, others through their children, others through adventure, and still others through quieter contemplation. Whatever works is OK. As long as life is approached with forethought and perspective - i.e. people have insight into their actions - the odds of a good outcome (which in the long term always means being able to die with a sense of fulfilment about life) are improved. I do think many people rush into relationships, children and marriage without applying that forethought. Sometimes that's because of social or financial pressure, other times because of impetuosity or a generally myopic and/or volatile worldview. The odds of those folks being happy in the long term drops by comparison. Those that approach the concept of a relationship seriously tend to have better odds of happiness and success. But odds aren't the same as certainties.

Coming back to myself, I know from understanding the nature of my personality pretty well by thinking about it deeply for many years that I would be feel more constrained than liberated by marriage and/or having children, which inevitably would mean less net personal happiness. So I eschew that outcome. But again, that's just me, and I would never suggest that preference has universal applicability; in fact, it does not. Much more important is each individual deciding - with insight into their own minds - what is best for them.

PS. mossrocks: everyone is extremely and intensely weird, whether they happen to be single or married, so I wouldn't use that as a point of comparison. wink.gif

As a fellow mental health professional I agree with alot of this. Identity is really individual and Erikson felt that people need to have a coherent sense of personal identity before they could fall into a mature, adult relationship. I think people are in a hurry to get married have children etc. out of a need to fulfill developmental tasks in a hurry because of the anxiety and uncertainty of modern professional life and the delayed emerging into adulthood that modern society affords. One can assuage the anxiety by getting married and "skipping over" the whole "finding yourself" bit.

It sounds like HF has found some personal integrity that motivates his decisions in life that is internal, rather than externally forced. I think people who lack that inherent sense of internal fortitude make decisions based upon what is expected of them through conformity or authoritarian pressure to adhere to social mores. Then again, I may be overanalyzing due to this being my dissertation topic.

I have no qualms with people getting married when the are ready. It is individual and a meaningful purposeful decision. I agree 100% with HC and crusty that it depends on your stage in life, your personal values, and what is meaningful at the time for you. Some people can decide that at 26, or 46, or 66. However, at any age, that decision could be based on external pressures or anxiety rather than an internal sense of security and peace.

As for the question about psychologists and the impact of our work on life decisions, I believe we all compartmentalize our experiences in work and try to awkwardly fit them into our disperate life experiences. For me, seeing patients provides me with some perspective but my own internal dramas and conflicts will cloud my experiences and judgments much more than my patient's experiences. At least that is my opinion.

I am wearing boxers and a t-shirt right now. No fit pic. Real clothes later nod[1].gif

Edit: HF, do you have a particular theoretical orientation that informs your practice? I am not sure of the current directions/preferences in Britain/Europe psychology. I am only aware of history in that part of the worlds thinking on psychology. Just curious
post #27340 of 78722
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post

I didn't know you were such a hedonist, Holdfast! laugh.gif

 

Hedonism is a very broad term, and one which has in more recent decades acquired certain overlays/connotations that don't apply to me, but as an overall concept, yes, I am. But Epicurean "feels" the more appropriate term, in the true sense of the word, though Jung and Erikson have also influenced my thinking. Citan correctly points to the importance I place upon personal integrity and an internal locus of control.

 

Citan, you asked if I have a specific theoretical orientation that's influencing my thinking beyond the above. I would perhaps suggest that I have some intellectual sympathy with some (not all!) Rogerian principles as well as Jungian and Eriksonian ones. I think they're all more complementary to each other than many might suggest (Jung's humans are made up of Rogers' individuals, after all). Both focus on the importance of making peace with one's personal identity, thereby nourishing growth, which I think is of paramount importance in the long term.

post #27341 of 78722
Quote:
Originally Posted by Citan1145 View Post

Sweet Jesus (Click to show)
As a fellow mental health professional I agree with alot of this. Identity is really individual and Erikson felt that people need to have a coherent sense of personal identity before they could fall into a mature, adult relationship. I think people are in a hurry to get married have children etc. out of a need to fulfill developmental tasks in a hurry because of the anxiety and uncertainty of modern professional life and the delayed emerging into adulthood that modern society affords. One can assuage the anxiety by getting married and "skipping over" the whole "finding yourself" bit.
It sounds like HF has found some personal integrity that motivates his decisions in life that is internal, rather than externally forced. I think people who lack that inherent sense of internal fortitude make decisions based upon what is expected of them through conformity or authoritarian pressure to adhere to social mores. Then again, I may be overanalyzing due to this being my dissertation topic.
I have no qualms with people getting married when the are ready. It is individual and a meaningful purposeful decision. I agree 100% with HC and crusty that it depends on your stage in life, your personal values, and what is meaningful at the time for you. Some people can decide that at 26, or 46, or 66. However, at any age, that decision could be based on external pressures or anxiety rather than an internal sense of security and peace.
As for the question about psychologists and the impact of our work on life decisions, I believe we all compartmentalize our experiences in work and try to awkwardly fit them into our disperate life experiences. For me, seeing patients provides me with some perspective but my own internal dramas and conflicts will cloud my experiences and judgments much more than my patient's experiences. At least that is my opinion.
I am wearing boxers and a t-shirt right now. No fit pic. Real clothes later nod[1].gif
Edit: HF, do you have a particular theoretical orientation that informs your practice? I am not sure of the current directions/preferences in Britain/Europe psychology. I am only aware of history in that part of the worlds thinking on psychology. Just curious
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdfast View Post

Wait for it (Click to show)
Hedonism is a very broad term, and one which has in more recent decades acquired certain overlays/connotations that don't apply to me, but as an overall concept, yes, I am. But Epicurean "feels" the more appropriate term, in the true sense of the word, though Jung and Erikson have also influenced my thinking. Citan correctly points to the importance I place upon personal integrity and an internal locus of control.

Citan, you asked if I have a specific theoretical orientation that's influencing my thinking beyond the above. I would perhaps suggest that I have some intellectual sympathy with some (not all!) Rogerian principles as well as Jungian and Eriksonian ones. I think they're all more complementary to each other than many might suggest (Jung's humans are made up of Rogers' individuals, after all). Both focus on the importance of making peace with one's personal identity, thereby nourishing growth, which I think is of paramount importance in the long term.

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post #27342 of 78722

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdfast View Post

 

Hedonism is a very broad term, and one which has in more recent decades acquired certain overlays/connotations that don't apply to me, but as an overall concept, yes, I am. But Epicurean "feels" the more appropriate term, in the true sense of the word, though Jung and Erikson have also influenced my thinking. Citan correctly points to the importance I place upon personal integrity and an internal locus of control.

 

Citan, you asked if I have a specific theoretical orientation that's influencing my thinking beyond the above. I would perhaps suggest that I have some intellectual sympathy with some (not all!) Rogerian principles as well as Jungian and Eriksonian ones. I think they're all more complementary to each other than many might suggest (Jung's humans are made up of Rogers' individuals, after all). Both focus on the importance of making peace with one's personal identity, thereby nourishing growth, which I think is of paramount importance in the long term.

 

 

I once had some dude verbally attack me for getting married.

 

I am used to getting alot of jabs from single guys, but they aren't ever personal. This dude on the other hand seemed really angry about it. His friend had to hold him back.

 

HF can you try to explain his actions from a psychoanalytic perspective lol

post #27343 of 78722
Acrid don't point picture like that please. Here is a lot of people :P
I was going to have a lunch what should I do now? frown.gif
post #27344 of 78722
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tirailleur1 View Post




I once had some dude verbally attack me for getting married.

I am used to getting alot of jabs from single guys, but they aren't ever personal. This dude on the other hand seemed really angry about it. His friend had to hold him back.

HF can you try to explain his actions from a psychoanalytic perspective lol

I can. He's a jealous asshole.
post #27345 of 78722

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post


I can. He's a jealous asshole.

 

thing is that I didn't even know the guy.

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