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Important lessons from your parents...

post #1 of 37
3/21/11 at 12:32am
Thread Starter 
Inspired by a few threads lately, ranging from Zach's family traditions, to a couple of 'they ruined my life' threads, thought I would start a thread on the greatest lessons we got from our parents.

For me, one stands out. By way of background, my father died when I was 15, so from there on, it was in my mother's hands.

I remembered this little incident about six months ago, when an old high school friend was visiting Vietnam, and think it is really one of the best life lessons I have ever had.

So my school used to do a swimming carnival every year. Sports day in the pool basically. I hated it and pulled a typically 17 yr old hissy fit to avoid going. "Buuut muuum, it's a waste of time, and exams are coming, and I think I should just be studying instead of wasting a day at the aquatic center". This of course, was complete shit, I just wanted to go hang out at the mall with my friends.

Eventually I whined my way to her acquiescence, and went to the mall with my mates.

The next day, I show up at school with the letter from my mother, hand it in at home room along with the pile from the rest of them, and feeling pretty proud of my day off.

I get called into home room teacher's office at the end of the day, he has a stack of letters there from all the other kids who skipped the swimming carnival, basically all saying "Steven was unable to attend because he had a cold" or "Michael was unable to attend because he had an upset stomach".

The teacher hands my mother's letter over, asks me to explain. I unfold it, see her handwriting:

Quote:
Dear Mr. NAME:

Matthew was unwilling to attend the swimming carnival because he believed it to be "a total waste of his time".

Best

Pauline

My jaw dropped.

"That bitch"

The teacher was looking back at me in awe of my mother.

I got detention.

I went home and screamed the house down that night..."how could you, jesus christ, simmo's mother just said he had a cold, what the hell is wrong with you" etc etc.

She just looked at me and said "don't ever ask me to make excuses for your decisions".

--

OK...that's my mother...hand it over to the gallery...best parental lessons...take it away.
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post #2 of 37
3/21/11 at 12:40am
This probably is not the type of lesson you were thinking of but... So my father died when I was nine. The car we had at that time gave out about the time I was 15. So I turned 16 in March and wanted to get my own car. The problem was, Ontario car insurance rates was just insane. This is back in the 80s, and if I got my own insurance it was going to be over 2k. So I worked my ass off, including June-Sept. at Pilsbury/Green Giant, and was able to buy a car but not afford the insurance. I told my mother I'd put the car in her name, and pay the extra insurance for putting me on it, if she put the car in her name and got the rates an older lady could. I said I only wanted it Friday and Saturday nights, which she always stayed home on anyways. So, this is what happened. However, she suddenly got an "interest" in square dancing. It just so happened this usually happened on a Friday or Saturday night! She looked me right in the eye and said the car was in her name, there was nothing I could do about it, and she was doing this for "my own good" so I wouldn't be able to have automatic access to a car every weekend night. Yeah, I learned lots of lessons about people. You also get an idea why I think folks were too hard on teh G33k. Keep in mind, my able bodied mother, was just too fucking lazy to do anything other than collect the meager pension cheque from my father's death.
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post #3 of 37
3/21/11 at 12:43am
best parental lessons: - life is a marathon not a sprint. even if you want to be the best and know everything, take it slow and do it accurately. speed will come with time. - life is like a sin wave, it'll have ups and downs and sometimes you'll try to fight it but other times, you'll just have to ride the wave
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post #4 of 37
3/21/11 at 12:51am
My dad always told me : "They can take away your house, they can take away your car, but they can never take away your brain". Kept me studying.
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post #5 of 37
3/21/11 at 12:53am
The only important lessons I got where in how to chop wood and fly fish.
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post #6 of 37
3/21/11 at 12:56am
My father gave me advice that has always resonated with me. He would say, in regards to a career, "Whatever you do in life, make sure that you are needed". He would tacitly emphasize the inherent security that comes with a career, such as a doctor or scientist, who are needed for their skills. This has obviously helped shape my career path, and the way I perceive things in general.
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post #7 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:09am
Matt that was brilliant.


there were a lot of things that I got from my parents, but very little straight out lessons. I learned to always stand when a lady came to or left the table, to eat with good manners. I learned to love reading, because my dad was always reading and it seemed like it must be valuable. I learned some jewish things. I learned that both my parents had been on their own from young ages - both were children of the depression and had been sent away to live with people who could feed them for work as children.

I can remember one lesson from my mother, I was arguing over something silly with a friend in the car, I believe the question was over whether daniel boone had been at the alamo, and my mother just said to me "let him be right for once" afterwards she said 'what do you care if you are right in an argument, you are going to have a great life, he is going to be digging ditches for the rest of his life, let him be right now". that lesson stuck.

aside from that it is almost all negative - I will, very often, think "what would my dad do?" and do the opposite.
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post #8 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:24am
My father always told (and still tells) me that it is never how you start but how you finish.

My mother always stressed the importance of humility and respect, the maxims i treasure the most from her are "never envy anyone" and "people are funny"
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post #9 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
This probably is not the type of lesson you were thinking of but...

So my father died when I was nine. The car we had at that time gave out about the time I was 15. So I turned 16 in March and wanted to get my own car. The problem was, Ontario car insurance rates was just insane. This is back in the 80s, and if I got my own insurance it was going to be over 2k. So I worked my ass off, including June-Sept. at Pilsbury/Green Giant, and was able to buy a car but not afford the insurance. I told my mother I'd put the car in her name, and pay the extra insurance for putting me on it, if she put the car in her name and got the rates an older lady could. I said I only wanted it Friday and Saturday nights, which she always stayed home on anyways.

So, this is what happened. However, she suddenly got an "interest" in square dancing. It just so happened this usually happened on a Friday or Saturday night! She looked me right in the eye and said the car was in her name, there was nothing I could do about it, and she was doing this for "my own good" so I wouldn't be able to have automatic access to a car every weekend night.

Yeah, I learned lots of lessons about people. You also get an idea why I think folks were too hard on teh G33k.

Keep in mind, my able bodied mother, was just too fucking lazy to do anything other than collect the meager pension cheque from my father's death.

You sound bitter (about your mom... sorry about your dad ).
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post #10 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:31am
My dad's words of wisdom include, "Be careful with whom your align yourself."
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post #11 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by imageWIS View Post
You sound bitter (about your mom... sorry about your dad ).
I was mad as hell when it was happening and I think that's understandable. However, I was 16, had worked my ass off, and thought I was doing my mother a favour and found her duplicity to be quite a betrayal. As an adult, I see her vain struggle for power in the family dynamic, trying to cope with that fact her 16 year offspring could go out and do on a summer job what she was incapable of doing. The whole thing has become a never ending source of laughter for me with those that were aware of what was happening. What it taught me is that you have to be careful of where you place your trust. Given enough motivation, so many people you think you can trust will screw you over, even though you're only trying to help them.
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post #12 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:33am
Thread Starter 
my dad was all about Guts n Determination. That was kind of his thing. A bit of GnD
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post #13 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:37am
my dad has always impressed me about the importance of discipline, of getting into details and always insisting to bring out the best in what you do- specially at work... (although surprisingly he never stressed THAT when it came to my schooling). but yeah, most of the time specially when it comes to family and all, its "what would my parents do" then I do the opposite.
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post #14 of 37
3/21/11 at 1:58am
Mother - unconditional love Father - understanding imperfect people
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post #15 of 37
3/21/11 at 10:52am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
I was mad as hell when it was happening and I think that's understandable. However, I was 16, had worked my ass off, and thought I was doing my mother a favour and found her duplicity to be quite a betrayal. As an adult, I see her vain struggle for power in the family dynamic, trying to cope with that fact her 16 year offspring could go out and do on a summer job what she was incapable of doing. The whole thing has become a never ending source of laughter for me with those that were aware of what was happening.

What it taught me is that you have to be careful of where you place your trust. Given enough motivation, so many people you think you can trust will screw you over, even though you're only trying to help them.

that's a rough lesson to learn, sorry about both your mom and dad.

I can say I am lucky - I don't think either of my parents ever tried to screw me over. anything that they fucked up with, they did because of their own issues and weaknesses.
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