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Girl Issues, Need Advice vol. infinity - Page 4

post #46 of 347
Sometimes I read all this 'be desirable, but don't be interested,' or 'be interested, but don't be too interested,' or, 'just ignore her to make her think you're not interested to maker her show interest' stuff and shake my head. Part of that, of course, is that "what women want" is not this one set of confusing behaviors and rules, but is as varied as people vary. It may also be that the type of women I find myself interested also have little patience for all of that reverse psychobabble. There is not just one way to act cool and confident; being "above" her is not the only way (and honestly, one I find distasteful). Honesty and genuine interest is a display of confidence, too -- because you open yourself to the possibility of being shot down on the spot, which most men so desparately try to skirt around. As long as you're reasonably not creepy, just ask her out again. If she says no, you know where you stand (ok, someone will say that then she is playing with you, which would make me not interested at that point). If she says yes, well, your day is brighter. Beats all this hand-wringing and agony with a stick, though, no? ~ H
post #47 of 347
Learn some self-respect. You are too young and inexperienced, so listen to what people here have said. Once you stop caring about them, they will come to you themselves.

Oh, and buy my pocket squares, they are guaranteed to get you laid.
post #48 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntsman View Post
Sometimes I read all this 'be desirable, but don't be interested,' or 'be interested, but don't be too interested,' or, 'just ignore her to make her think you're not interested to maker her show interest' stuff and shake my head. Part of that, of course, is that "what women want" is not this one set of confusing behaviors and rules, but is as varied as people vary. It may also be that the type of women I find myself interested also have little patience for all of that reverse psychobabble.

There is not just one way to act cool and confident; being "above" her is not the only way (and honestly, one I find distasteful). Honesty and genuine interest is a display of confidence, too -- because you open yourself to the possibility of being shot down on the spot, which most men so desparately try to skirt around. As long as you're reasonably not creepy, just ask her out again. If she says no, you know where you stand. This is entirely possible. If she says yes, well, your day is brighter. Beats all this hand-wringing and agony with a stick, though, no?

~ H

This is true, but the OP was clearly being desperate. That's a turn off for almost any woman. I suppose the trick is to be genuinely interested, polite, gentle and all that stuff without being desperate. If she sees that you are a great person that can care about her better than most men, yet you have a lot of self-confidence and can get any other girl (but chose her!) she will treasure and love you much more. But it has to be true, though, you can't be a loser and project a playboy vibe.
post #49 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eason View Post
Are you stanleyvanbueran?

wat
post #50 of 347
lets put it this way... that ship is her, that cliff is you.
post #51 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by makker View Post
Yes fun fun, another topic at this again.

So the story:

There is this chick in my class in college, now after 5 months of our first year we have suddenly (I can't remember how it started) began talkingTHIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD HAVE BOANED HER!!!! to each other regularly. It first started on facebook and whenever I see her in class I try to talk to her. However, since actually our time spent out of class is greater during the day the talk is usually through the internet. Anyway, we've been talking and last Friday she accepted to do something with me that night. Before I had persuaded her to do something together, whatever it was, lunch, sports, basically anything, just to get to know her better. She made up excuses and breaking the ice here seemed difficult even though we had many hour-long conversations, both enjoying it. On that night it was all up to me to decide what to do, so we met and went to a lounge bar kind of place where I had never been before, but I heard it was good and we talked and had fun I suppose. After a few drinks she is already tipsy and at one point she admits that she never knew that she would go out with me. Being a bit startled, I of course ask why but she makes up lame ass excuses once again that dont make sense, I guess she just thought I was not her type. She's tipsy, willing to do anything almost, we head back and end up in my place where be have a bottle of champagne. She eventually falls in my bed, I sit next to her, definitely less drunk and shes telling how she is feeling ill and stuff. Eventually she just crawls under the blanket and falls asleep immediately. Having no idea what to do, I fall asleep next to her.

Next morning I wake up before her, not knowing whether to get up or not. I lay still, eventually hearing her wake up and letting out a few silent laughs and shaking her head in disbelief. I mean I had no idea what to think about this. I give her water, have a small chat and then she leaves.

Things have been since then continuing the same way as before, but today as I was sitting next to one of my female friends, she sat next to her friends a row in front of me and seemed like she didnt want to make any contact. After class, she also left quickly and I am sure she had seen me behind her.

Maybe its too early to say, but I really dont know where this is going. I still feel that I dont know her that well and her past relationships and social life in general. What also makes it hard is that she likes to play around with me all the time, saying stuff but then saying it was a joke. As one of the worst interpreters of women's minds, I feel that soon I will be completely lost with this. I want to keep the thing going so I invited her yesterday to a private party at a skyscraper next Saturday and she said she will have to see since her cousin and friend are coming .. I dont know. I guess if she eventually doesn't come then she wont want to go out with me anymore, but even though I never directly asked her I think she enjoyed it last weekend. Even though I would mostly prefer for her to be a close friend of mine where we can do cool stuff together I dont know what she is looking for. She definitely took our meeting as a date whereas I never understand why meeting a colleague out in the city can be more serious than that.

We have our own inside jokes and stuff, but I feel that soon this wont progress and I will just be a guy always making the initiatives on her and when she is bored I will be a good target to get some humor from, nothing else. In fact, when we went out I paid for her drinks and we both have acknowledged she owes me back, so I'm trying to use it as a bait to get her to go out with me again, especially since going out this weekend should be very cool where we can look over the city at night. I know you guys all think that shes laughing at the fact she got a "free meal", but I'm rather sure she will eventually pay it all back.

Confusing shit, I know, but I hope you guys understand my position in this.

People always trip up on the basics, it's a pity really, to see people squander opportunity (read, pussy) needlessly.
post #52 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by acidboy View Post


lets put it this way... that ship is her, that cliff is you.

so she is heading back to him? he has a chance!? yes go get her gurl!
post #53 of 347
Quote:
This is true, but the OP was clearly being desperate.

The key to getting girls (or success in life in general) is to be the exact opposite of desperate. What that means to you - cocky, aloof, joking, chill, whatever - is going to be based on your personality.
post #54 of 347
Girls at that age make no sense. Her actions could mean a million things. Either way, to ponder on it is just a waste of time. I wasted my freshman year of college on a girl who sent the hot/cold signals similar to your current gal pal. Now that I look back, I don't even know why I wasted hooking up with other girls to see if I could win her over. My advice? Just focus on bettering yourself; the rest will all click with time.
post #55 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by JLay87 View Post
The key to getting girls (or success in life in general) is to be really, really, ridiculously good looking.

FTFY
post #56 of 347
^^^ that helped me until I figured out how to talk
post #57 of 347
Thread Starter 
We bitch occasionally to each other which definitely removes the desperation, but +1 to the one who said girls this age dont make any sense. I didnt talk to her in class yesterday, spent the evening surfing the web and at the same time I tried to see whether the girl would finally make an initiative in talking to me. At first it seemed very sticky, no responses whatsoever, I was going online/offline periodically until at one point later in the evening she threw out the general question she always asks me which is 'what am I doing' to start a conversation again. For me personally its already a gamebreaker to get a girl to spontaneously talking to me were it on the internet or real life without me always having to make every damn initiative and eventually getting ridiculed and shot down on the spot. At the same time though, I guess noticing that I was sitting next to a chick friend of mine right behind her, she tried to build a jealousy card telling how "her friend" brought her tulips and linking me a pic with her and the tulips. Maybe I am overanalyzing, but perhaps it was a way to get back at me for ignoring her yesterday? What I am afraid of is that she'll start sticking to her cold signals and I will be just creating fake competition for her which will eventually drift us apart even further. But I still dont know whether I want to be in a relationship with her, especially when she is just playing around usually.
post #58 of 347
Rule for you young uns: When a hammered girl finds her way to your bed, you always make out with her in the evening, and bang her in the morning. Always.
post #59 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by makker View Post
We bitch occasionally to each other which definitely removes the desperation, but +1 to the one who said girls this age dont make any sense. I didnt talk to her in class yesterday, spent the evening surfing the web and at the same time I tried to see whether the girl would finally make an initiative in talking to me. At first it seemed very sticky, no responses whatsoever, I was going online/offline periodically until at one point later in the evening she threw out the general question she always asks me which is 'what am I doing' to start a conversation again. For me personally its already a gamebreaker to get a girl to spontaneously talking to me were it on the internet or real life without me always having to make every damn initiative and eventually getting ridiculed and shot down on the spot. At the same time though, I guess noticing that I was sitting next to a chick friend of mine right behind her, she tried to build a jealousy card telling how "her friend" brought her tulips and linking me a pic with her and the tulips. Maybe I am overanalyzing, but perhaps it was a way to get back at me for ignoring her yesterday? What I am afraid of is that she'll start sticking to her cold signals and I will be just creating fake competition for her which will eventually drift us apart even further. But I still dont know whether I want to be in a relationship with her, especially when she is just playing around usually.
Drop the nice guy act and just be a selfish prick. Really. At least just TRY it for a bit to see what happens. You'll be thoroughly surprised.
post #60 of 347
Quote:
Originally Posted by makker View Post
We bitch occasionally to each other which definitely removes the desperation,
...and this makes you her sister. How many hot girls do you know who fuck their sisters? OK...so...hopefully you drew a blank there (and if not, pics or gtfo). So...stop being that guy. Unless you harbor ambitions to be My Gay Best Friend...stop. being. that. guy. I am now going to teach you a magical, wonderful, asshole laden phrase to reframe this situation any time. You will get the most stunned looks every time you use it. I say this as someone who has used it many many times, on enough girls to qualify as a representative sample. One of whom is probably reading this, and who has heard it herself: "I'm not your fucking sister, honey"
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