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The embarassing sex question of the day...

post #1 of 34
10/21/06 at 5:21pm
Thread Starter 
I should be writing into Dan Savage with this question, but it's a little tame given his usual material Here's the deal. My girlfriend and I have been together for quite a few years. We're a young couple living together. We are both usually busy with our jobs (standard 9-5, not lawyers hours or anything), and our seperate past times and hobbies when we get home from work, or on weekends. We still spend a lot of time together though. Other than what will follow, there isn't anything really wrong in the relationship... the problem lately is that "getting some" has been a challenge. It's not just a case of demand exceeding supply... it's that I'm not desiring it as much as well. It's at the point where once or twice a month is the norm now. At 25, I'm not the hormone machine I was when I was 20. She's roughly the same age... could it be that this is due to us both not being at sexual peaks? When I bring up this question to her, she usually just shrugs it off without giving me an answer. Not that I have an answer as well for my recent lack of interest. For those of you with more age and experience... is this a problem that should be resolved, or is this just normal, and comes with couples getting more familiar (bored?) with each other? I have a feeling this is a more long term problem than something that can be resolved with a wine 'n' dine evening out and roses.
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post #2 of 34
10/21/06 at 5:39pm
COuple ideas: For one, going to therapy/counselling together maybe an idea because it may be a good way to find any lingering issues. Are you both just physically exhausted? Or is it stress? It is easy to have happenm with teh way many couples work but you have to stepback and see if other factors in your life are adversely affecting your relationship (stress, anxiety, et.c.). Don't lose sight of what is important to you Scheduling the, uhm "getting it on" occurences (Am I starting to sound like Chef ). It may give you both something to look forward to and make it a given then. But: IANAT Edit: Damn it man, you are only 25, four years younger than I am! We are not in the 12th century, life span is longer and people stay healthy and young longer. Don't be worried about that stuff
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post #3 of 34
10/21/06 at 5:40pm
At 25, if you sleep in the same bed with a women on a nightly basis and you only manage 1 or 2 primate encounters a month, you probably have some kind of hormone imbalance.
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post #4 of 34
10/21/06 at 5:48pm
Her reaction sounds a little strange but sex ebbs and flows in relationships and frequency is different for everyone. Some people like more and some are comfortable with less.

Intimacy and closeness will enhance sexual feelings and sex is a good barometer of intimacy in a relationship. The closer the 2 of you are emotionally, the easier sex will come about.

Is it the same stuff every time? Maybe try a weekend get-a-way? A change in the status quo or sex in a different place or even trying something different can spice things up if it has gotten boring. What about asking her out on a date?
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post #5 of 34
10/21/06 at 5:55pm
Thread Starter 
Stress in our lives? That's quite possible and something we've both considered. It's not caused by each other, but from work, and day to day stuff. The physical attractiveness is still there, but this might make me sound like a jerk... I do wish she was in better physical condition (her physique is OK now, but I do prefer more slender/athletic girls). I've discussed this with her as well... sometimes I get a good reaction, and sometimes a not so good one. Also, before anybody mentions it, she's not getting any on the side... Or so my P.I.'s tell me so... (kidding)

The sex is still quite good. The last few times have been significantly better than I can remember. In the past, I use to try to last as long as possible. Now I'm doing the "get in, do what needs to be done, and get out thing"... much better. She agrees as well. Perhaps it's just a quality vs. quantity thing?
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post #6 of 34
10/21/06 at 6:46pm
Suffice it to say your frequency is way below what we would expect from a 25 year-old. You might ask yourself whether you otherwise have a healthy sex drive--do you fantasize about other girls and shake the you know what? I'm willing to bet that you do. Assuming that everything on your side is working well and that you still want sex, just not too often with her, then there are interpersonal issues that are slowing you guys down. Sex is probably just the most noticeable manifestation, because while our oversexed society dictates that we should all be getting laid all the time, it doesn't tell us, for example, that we should have two intimate dinners per week with our chosen, or that we should do at least one nice thing for them each day. Beyond the sex itself, it sounds like you're a little bored. Maybe she feels the same. This happens in relationships, and you don't necessarily need to swap her out for a nineteen year-old to get your groove back. You can spice things up, change the routines that are leaving you cold. It also sounds like you don't find her very attractive right now--girls sense that, and it will make them retreat from intimacy. (Btw, never tell a girl that she's too big for you--start running and invite her to join, or something, but dictating from the couch that she get fit will only breed resentment). I don't know what's up, but you have to be honest with yourself about what's going on, and then you need to talk to her. Figuring it out will take some work and a lot of honesty, but it can be done.
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post #7 of 34
10/21/06 at 7:05pm
I say get some time in the gym with the girl. Lifting weights and working out will increase your Testosterone and therefore increase your sex drive. Plus it will get the girl into what you like as far as body. Spending some quality time together helps too.
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post #8 of 34
10/21/06 at 7:25pm
Thread Starter 
Uh oh... busted. Yes, I shake hands with the devil occassionally. She knows of it, and is fine with it.

About the gym thing. It's been tried, numerous times. I bought her a new bike, and try to take her out cycling with me. We both use to go to the gym together frequently for weights and cardio, but lately she's given that up and prefers Pilates for "toning", which I told her is rubbish. It's fine for flexibility, but for fat burning/muscle growth... useless. Perhaps I shouldn't be negative with her... I probably come off sounding "complainy" when I say I wished she had more initiative, and more desire for taking better care of herself. Once again, she's not overweight by any means... but signs of "softness" are showing. I think what's missing is just a spark of sorts, as cliche as that sounds. We're not a kinky, hot n' nasty couple by any means - but things feel very vanilla to me, even by my standards *waits for the first person to mention 3some... *
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post #9 of 34
10/21/06 at 8:08pm
have you tried roleplaying? two or three hours of AD & D gets the candle burning or rent a blue movie and watch it with her drink red wine and see what happens spend romantic time with her chocolates work
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post #10 of 34
10/21/06 at 8:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by denimdestroyedmylife

two or three hours of AD & D gets the candle burning


When my chick loses interest, we log in to everquest. She plays a female dark-elf enchantress and I play a sexy wood-elf ranger. Ideologically we're at odds, but these are the best-looking models in the game. We cyber in private tells until neither one of us can stand it anymore. For my part, I always wanted to have sex with a dark-elf, they're so damned sexy & evil. Their blue skin, silver hair and petite features are such a turn-on.

PS. This post was obviously in jest. I searched the internet for an old photo of a dark-elf fuck doll that an EQer had made but alas, I could not find it. I saw pics of it years ago when I was gaming and it was life-sized and extremely well done.
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post #11 of 34
10/21/06 at 8:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek
When my chick loses interest, we log in to everquest. She plays a female dark-elf enchantress and I play a sexy wood-elf ranger. Ideologically we're at odds, but these are the best-looking models in the game. We cyber in private tells until neither one of us can stand it anymore. For my part, I always wanted to have sex with a dark-elf, they're so damned sexy & evil. The blue skin, silver hair and their petite features are such a turn-on.
That sooo had the potential of being one of the best SF posts of all time...
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post #12 of 34
10/21/06 at 9:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonglover
That sooo had the potential of being one of the best SF posts of all time...

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post #13 of 34
10/21/06 at 10:00pm
Thread Starter 
Dear lord... the more time I spend on the internet, the more time I wonder if I'm the only person left who doesn't play Everquest or World of Warcraft, etc. That cracked me up though...

I was at one time addicted to Civilization II and III... but there's nothing in those games to get me or her turned on
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post #14 of 34
10/21/06 at 10:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by GQgeek
PS. This post was obviously in jest. I searched the internet for an old photo of a dark-elf fuck doll that an EQer had made but alas, I could not find it. I saw pics of it years ago when I was gaming and it was life-sized and extremely well done.

Hmmm...you inspired me to a feat of unusual randomness. A quick Google images search turned up an - ahem - "inspirational" female. One must never forget that role playing/comix/videogames are made for hormone-addled teen boys, so the chix iz bangin'
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post #15 of 34
10/21/06 at 10:19pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duveen
the chix iz bangin'



LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ....
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