Originally Posted by Popsandfriends
So it really is about the clothes..This past year I've gotten more and more trendy when it comes to what I wear. I always try new things but nothing over the top or metro. The fact that I put women above me, and a few really bad (one recent) failures has put me where I am right now. I will never do an online-to-real life relationship again. I met this girl online while I was staying in Arizona over the summer, she lived in my hometown but I had never noticed her. We talked online for hours, every day. She was gorgeous and told me everything I wanted to hear, I know she wasnt lying. When she fnially met me, maybe It was the fact that it was my first date, or that I was trying to act chill, or my looks that really turned her off...I got the dreaded lets me frineds line (cept she took the balless way out and sent me an email, quite a blunt email at that) It made me feel like the entire month was a lie! The worst part is, she was so damn good looking, the fact that I was even talking to her was an amazing feat. I take rejection hard and this time it just about killed my soul
I do set myself up for failure, I have no "skills", or confidence, or any experience. I dont even have many girl frineds. Also, what am I supposed to think/feel when a girl that Im not at all attracted too tells me Im cute and wants to start a relationship WHEN SHE DOESNT KNOW ME! I hate blowing them off, cause thsast what so many girls have done to me! Makes me feel like a hyppocrit and shallow. I cant help it If im not physically attracted to someone, cause that and personality play equal parts in my book.
Do I need a new book?
Take a deep breath ;p Rejection is a fact of life for both sides. I find that most women are nice about it unless you catch them at a really bad time. YMMV I suppose. I always hear these rejection horror stories from others but i've honestly never had any bad experiences. I think the people that get what I like to call hard rejections are the douche-bag/player looking types with the macho attitudes that just beg for women to put them in their place. Despite some of my trolling posts here, I've got a gentlemanly thing going for me and i'm always well dressed so women tend not to be offended by me :P
And you should reject girls in the same way that you'd want to be rejected, although most of the time that's not even necessary as it's usually up to the guy to take the initiative, in which case if you don't take it, the girl will understand you're not interested. If a girl is explicitly asking you to date her and you have no interest, then you don't really have many options but to tell her that you're flattered but not interested. Or if you really don't want to trample on her feelings, just tell her you're kinda seeing someone (if it's feasible).
As for online dating, your experience is the impression i've gotten of it from a number of people in that it's largely a big circle-jerk. It requires a lot of ground-work to setup a date and all the chatting in the world won't help you establish whether or not there will be any chemistry or whether you'll be attracted to each other. Those little low-res pictures on dating sites can hide a lot :P Have you ever been 15ft away from a girl you thought was attractive, but once you got close you realized she had major skin problems? Welcome to the world of pictures taken with camera phones. I think you did the worst possible thing and that was pinning all your hopes on this one girl that you met online and then letting it drag-out for a month. No wonder you were depressed afterwards. Don't do that again ;p
As for it being ALL about the clothes, it's really not, but it definitely helps, both from a self-image point of view and the fact that girls generally like guys that dress well. And you really need to have something going for you besides a nice wardrobe because all that does is open doors. If you get an open and you still don't know what to say, it'll close pretty quickly :P
First things first though, you need to work on your social skills in general. Put getting laid out of your mind for a while because it'll just add undue pressure. Find a way to meet new people doing something you enjoy. You never know, you might even meet a girl. It really helps if you're a good talker. Flirting doesn't come naturally to a lot of guys and it sure as hell didn't with me. I think the first step is to get used to talking to girls in general, then just practice complementing them in an innocent (and subtle) way, with no expectation of a return. And be careful not to over do it.
Anyway, good luck. Being good with girls is a skill-set that can be learned.