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Today My Wife Said: "I hope he poops on your Barker Blacks!" - Page 5

post #61 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanComposition View Post
This is why I have a dog.

That's right, you have a dog. Dogs have owners... cats have staff
post #62 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by MBreinin View Post
He had to actually claw my jeans off of the ironing board in order to piss on them.

Jeans on the ironing board, eh? Icewash, high waisted, loose fit I assume?

In some countries, cat piss on shoes is apparently considered "patina". Fuuma or Distinctive are the experts here.
post #63 of 109
Wait 'til he puts his headphones on. I'm Fat Freddy's Cat And I'm mean and tough And I take no guff When I strut my stuff I'm so ornerny And so full of piss If I don't like your looks I'll hit you with THIS! (whirling cat claws) If you see me coming Better step aside A lot of cats wouldn't And a lot of cats couldn't Hand a lickin' to a chicken Or a razzing to a rat After they finished messing around With Fat Freddy's Cat! Heeerre kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! (Don't embarrass me in the middle of the city) Heeerre kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! (I can make it rough on you if you're gonna act shitty) I'll track your records up with my paws I'll pop your waterbed with my claws I'll shed more fur every time you sweep And I'll sit on your face when you're asleep I'll shit in your shoe And I'll pee in your hat And I'll spray the whole house With "essence of cat". Do you wanna eat some Krunchies? (Do you wanna buy a duck?) C'mon kitty--eat some Krunchies! (C'mon Fatty, let's EAT!)
post #64 of 109
You should get a taser gun and use it.

Bitches, animals, and savages need to learn by negative reinforcements the moment they do something wrong. You cannot plan an elaborate hoax to be carried out later because these are low IQ animals and have to be taught a lesson on the spot so they associate urinating or defecating on shoes and clothing with pain.

If you take them to a tub and piss on them later in the evening, while it's fun to you, it angers them but they have no idea what is going on and only think of you as a jerk so you won't stand a chance of being able to change their behavior. If you really hate it and simply want to get even, urinate on the cat when it is eating its food.
post #65 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by MBreinin View Post
I also used the cat as a "feline sponge" to clean up several pools of cat piss he left on the wood floor. Nothing would cure the problem. Eventually, it worked itself out though.
Again, as someone who works with a lot of cats in the rescue biz... Although some cats are indeed just little bastards (or bastard'ettes) most of the time a cat peeing outside of the catbox is indicative of a medical problem. Yes, they are complicated little psychos, but if they aren't eliminating in the box they are probably doing it for a reason. While it is possible they are doing it because they hate you, there are many more legit physical reasons. A couple of other options are changing the type of litter (cats are finicky, some may hate sand/clay/clumping or whatever you are currently using), changing the type of box (if you've got a covered one, most are too small for adult cats and they don't like it, or maybe the reverse), etc. Bottom line is that most "normal" (cough) cats want to eliminate and cover and not get beat for it. If they aren't, they are trying to tell you something. And yes, part of that telling might be "I ain't gonna pee in that, so I'll show him..." And, yes, I sympathize. I've had an impossible-to-regulate diabetic cat who couldn't control urination due to over drinking as well as a little bastard (who I loved) who preferred to pee on plastic (wtf?). So, yes, sometimes it just is behavioral.
post #66 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by wEstSidE View Post
while that type of torture is hilarious to me, you should just euthanize it

Cat no longer lives with me. Although, still alive. It should have put down at birth due to the condition it had.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tidybeard View Post
Jeans on the ironing board, eh? Icewash, high waisted, loose fit I assume?


Nah, they were just regular old Luckys in a dark wash. I don't iron jeans, hell I rarely wash them, but the ironing board often gets shit heaped on it.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by razl View Post
Again, as someone who works with a lot of cats in the rescue biz...

Although some cats are indeed just little bastards (or bastard'ettes) most of the time a cat peeing outside of the catbox is indicative of a medical problem. Yes, they are complicated little psychos, but if they aren't eliminating in the box they are probably doing it for a reason. While it is possible they are doing it because they hate you, there are many more legit physical reasons.

A couple of other options are changing the type of litter (cats are finicky, some may hate sand/clay/clumping or whatever you are currently using), changing the type of box (if you've got a covered one, most are too small for adult cats and they don't like it, or maybe the reverse), etc.

Bottom line is that most "normal" (cough) cats want to eliminate and cover and not get beat for it. If they aren't, they are trying to tell you something. And yes, part of that telling might be "I ain't gonna pee in that, so I'll show him..."

And, yes, I sympathize. I've had an impossible-to-regulate diabetic cat who couldn't control urination due to over drinking as well as a little bastard (who I loved) who preferred to pee on plastic (wtf?). So, yes, sometimes it just is behavioral.

This cat's actions were deliberate. While it was handicapped, it could pull itself up from the floor to the bed just using claws. It could easily get into the box, but it would often chose not to. I tried everything...multiple boxes (because she had 3, yes 3 motherfucking cats), different litters, a mechanical box that cleaned itself after every use. Nothing worked.

I had to tear out the carpet from the bedroom, because the cat was living under the bed like a bridge troll and happily pissing and shitting away under there. When I removed the carpet (well, she removed it because I refused), the resulting scene was like something from a horror movie. Huge pools of dried and hardened piss, liquid shit and other atrocities. The fucking SLAB was stained. I had to bleach it. It reacted with the cat piss and created an amonia cloud that burned my lungs and rusted every guitar string in the house...as well as most of the metal in the bedroom. I was short of breath for days. I also had to spend a week laying down laminate as there was no way in hell I was putting carpet back down. I cordoned off the bottom of the bed so he could never get under there again...but he still pissed and shit everywhere.

I am an animal lover, I even like some cats. This one...well in the end he got what he wanted all along.

Mike
post #67 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by w.o.e.is.me. View Post
fiancee huh?
give it time friend.
soon it'll be "...No, husband. You can sleep on the couch with your precious John Lobbs, since you love them so much."

way to crush my dreams. hahahaha. Its started already. I was looking at some Carminas and she keeps telling me "WE need to save money." Bullshit. Theres no WE until July 30. im gonna rack up as much as i can.
post #68 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by DerekS View Post
way to crush my dreams. hahahaha. Its started already. I was looking at some Carminas and she keeps telling me "WE need to save money." Bullshit. Theres no WE until July 30. im gonna rack up as much as i can.

You better, bro. Because some women shut the cash spiggot off immediately post-nuptials. Get as many hummers in as you can too.

Mike
post #69 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH View Post
Haha! At least it's not on the G&G's!

My girlfriend is pretty frugal and simple. She has no idea about the price of things that I buy. Very uncommon for a woman. This past October we are walking and she went to kick a pile of leaves and cracked her foot into my Barker Blacks. I cursed and said "Fuck! That was $400 right there!" She looked at me and said she didn't believe I had $400 shoes. I told her just that one was $400...

That line is stolen from Michael Douglas in either The Game or The Perfect Murder. I cannot remember which one.
post #70 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by MBreinin View Post
You better, bro. Because some women shut the cash spiggot off immediately post-nuptials. Get as many hummers in as you can too.

Mike

We were talking the other day, I told her we will have money budgeted every month for my "habit" and money for her shopping as well. Not like i can get away with a new pair of EGs every month, but a man HAS to have something new once in awhile.

as for the hummers, that reminds me....hahahaha
post #71 of 109
this thread is why i have no pets.
post #72 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by niidawg3 View Post
this thread is why i have no pets.

I had two cats that clawed on TWO of my cordovan shoes. And then, they hated each other and would pee in random areas to mark their territory. The final straw was when right before a major client meeting on Monday, they peed into my suitcase on Sunday night. With my suit and shoes and favorite tie. That was fun. We gave them away to my now-mother-in-law.

These days, I just have dogs. They are just... nicer. They genuinely want to please you.
post #73 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by niidawg3 View Post
this thread is why i have no pets.

+100000000

I don't understand how people want to live with animals--especially cats. Cats are total allergy-waiting-to-happen nightmares with no redeeming qualities whatsoever (unless you have mice, I guess). Dogs are a pain in the neck at best, and slobber-producing, fur shedding stinkers at worst.
post #74 of 109
These days, all I have are kids. However, they respond favorably to beating as a behavior modifier.
post #75 of 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slewfoot View Post
My wife often says "please don't buy any more clothes." At least that's what I think she says as I can't really remember. Oh, look! A new package arrived...

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