Not gonna read the whole thread...but since you asked for advice:
1) Join a gym. You need an iron will to work out effectively at home.
2) Get a baseline on heart rate/bodyfat etc. Also, if you really haven't worked out/trained/exercised...get a physical. Just make sure there's no warning signs that a simple test will uncover.
3) Try a Strike class (combo of aerobic/core/boxing, but always moving) or another multidiscipline class. 3x45 minutes a week will get you going. I also like Spinning classes but they get a little dull after a few months. I'd avoid weights for now. Once you get used to all that movement and build up your core a little bit you might want to try them. I've just about given up on weights as being a waste of my too-short time.
4)Diet is going to be tough b/c once you start working out like that you're going to be hungry as hell. Maybe just do baby steps, i.e. oatmeal for breakfast 3x a week, 1% milk in coffee instead of half and half...