Originally Posted by FLMountainMan
Tagut - you're funny as hell on this site, and probably are in person too. Just pick up the phone. Seriously. My stuttering-didn't-kiss-a-girl-till-I-was-nineteen-ass can do it, you can too. I know rejection sucks, but with rejection, oddly enough, comes confidence. Just my two cents. Granted, I look like Cody Linley, but still.....
Well thanks. I'm thinking of starting a dedicated thread about this. IRL I have a pretty dry sense of humor that rears its head at fairly unexpected times. It's not something I turn on or off, and certainly nobody would describe me as a wild and crazy guy. As my emotional state has worsened over the years, it is possible I may have grown even more reserved, though I'm not 100% sure of that. I will say, however, that my problem has nothing to do with nervousness or insecurity. While I have many things weighing down on my shoulders, an inferiority complex isn't one of them. From what I read on the internet, having to gin up the confidence to talk to a woman is a huge thing for many guys, even guys who are considerably experienced than I am. What to actually say
once you start talking is assumed to be a trivial thing. That's the problem with advice over the internet; everybody reduces your problems to the problems that are familiar to them, and everyone assumes that the particulars of your situation are the particulars of their situation ("When you go clubbing with your bros this weekend, try doing this…") That's why all the bro-y platitudes are of no use to me. "Girls like guys who are confident." Guys who are confident in what
exactly? Confidence isn't a complete idea unto itself, it requires some outcome in which to be confident. Is confidence the confidence that when I ask a girl for her name, she'll tell me? Yes, of that I am fairly confident. Am I confident that I will be able to draw the conversation out much beyond introductions? No, not really. Am I confident in the fact that even when the conversation fails after 45 seconds, she will continue to stand by my side just to bask in my radiant tagutosity? Again, not realistically. "Act like you're not interested." Well geez, if she were an ugly dude I wouldn't even be making the effort. Seeing the stuff willpower wrote, and reading the transcripts people write of their conversations with women (all from SF, nobody ever talks to me about this stuff IRL), is just bewildering to me. There's no way I'd be able to BS my way through a conversation like that. I'll probably need SFers to compose some boilerplate, one-size-fits-all script I can use in every situation, that would keep anything requiring me to think on my feet to an absolute minimum. Even on OKCupid, I end up banging my head against the computer screen for half an hour trying to think of something- anything
- to say. And yet so much of the advice is insulting
at the same time. I overheard a guy telling abother guy , "Don't feel you have to agree with everything the woman says
." Really? Guys have to be told not to necessarily with everything a woman says!?! And yet this is a guy who is still much, much better at initiating conversations than I am. I guess my problems are far more fundamental. Much of the the received wisdom on this subject seems both to be beneath me, and yet pitched over my head at the same time.