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How Do You Choose Your Battles? - Page 2

post #16 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tck13 View Post
So, some guy tailgated me for about a mile and a half and then when I was turning left he drove real close to my car on the right and yelled "asshole" out the window at me.

While I don't defend the inexcusable slur, did you wonder what you had been doing wrong to provoke it? Road rage is a thorny issue, and it's not as simplistic as some people think... people have radically different approaches to driving from each other yet everybody has to share the same road... it's one of the few situations in our loner society where we actually have to think about other people.

One of the major causes of traffic congestion, for example, is people driving slowly in the left lane, or driving unnecessarily slow in the first place. Usually the people doing the latter have a 'my car is my castle' type attitude and take offense to anyone tailgating, honking, or encouraging them to move over. In other words OP, if somebody's tailgating you, your first response shouldn't be 'I should write a SF post about how mean people are', rather, you should move the f-ck over cuz you have no idea what the hell his situation is. The fact that he found it necessary to yell asshole though probably means he is one.
post #17 of 32
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Svenn View Post
While I don't defend the inexcusable slur, did you wonder what you had been doing wrong to provoke it? Road rage is a thorny issue, and it's not as simplistic as some people think... people have radically different approaches to driving from each other yet everybody has to share the same road... it's one of the few situations in our loner society where we actually have to think about other people.

One of the major causes of traffic congestion, for example, is people driving slowly in the left lane, or driving unnecessarily slow in the first place. Usually the people doing the latter have a 'my car is my castle' type attitude and take offense to anyone tailgating, honking, or encouraging them to move over. In other words OP, if somebody's tailgating you, your first response shouldn't be 'I should write a SF post about how mean people are', rather, you should move the f-ck over cuz you have no idea what the hell his situation is. The fact that he found it necessary to yell asshole though probably means he is one.


This was several months ago, so my first thought wasn't to "post it on SF". I was really only simplifying my examples for this thread to find out how much people will take and where they choose to take stands against whatever.

As far as the tailgater, the only thing that I can think of is that I pulled out in front of him and he didn't like it.

He was quite a distance down the road when I stopped at an intersection and then pulled out in plenty of time. My thought is that he was angry because we ended up at a stop light about 100 yards down the road after I pulled out so he was probably thinking that I held him up or something like that.

Then, with several cars in front of me on a two lane road he tailgated me for about a mile and a half. Pulling up on my bumper then backing off, and on and on. Finally, I entered a left turn lane and he sped up and drove past my car on the right and yelled out his window that I was an "asshole" and then just kept driving in traffic (presumably just tailgating the person that was in front of me).

Plus, whether I did something wrong or not, that doesn't give him or anyone else the right to put me in danger.
post #18 of 32
^oh, well that guy is an asshole then, I've encountered that type before too and it's really at a whole other level than what I was talking about previously. If they're that irrational, I would never try to provoke them, not worth it.
post #19 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tck13 View Post
Are we talking pistols? Swords? Or, maybe boxing?
Just tactfully let him know you're onto him...

post #20 of 32
I always let road conflict go. One time this man with his family pulled out in front of me and caused me to hard break. Im driving behind this guy with my girlfriend in the car on our way out to eat. Im behind him for some time and he pulls into the restaurant we are going to. I get out of my car and just stand there waiting for my gf to get her jacket on for about a min and this guy is still sitting in his car parked watching me.

I never intended to make battle, but it was nice knowing that he was intimidated enough to stay put until I left the parking lot.
post #21 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by justsayno View Post
pick the ones that you can win. the smartest thing that you can do is not start a battle that you will lose.
Every battle can be won—just remember that learning when to argue is as important to winning as learning how to argue.
post #22 of 32
My philosophy on this matter is very simple-- I ask myself, "What would Tokyo Slim do?"
post #23 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tck13 View Post
So, some guy tailgated me for about a mile and a half and then when I was turning left he drove real close to my car on the right and yelled "asshole" out the window at me. A guy at work simply doesn't do a part of his job and tries to pass it on to me. He then tells my supervisor (constantly) about how I don't do anything and I'm worthless. I think my supervisor believes him... Blah, blah, blah... When does one take a stand? What are the good battles to pick and the ones to let go? While I'm a pretty laid back and tolerant person, I don't want to end up like Michael Douglas in Falling Down but I'm wondering what battles you find worth fighting? Seems to be a case of act like an asshole before thinking like a loser. Never had these things happen to me. And when they do, usually it's not other people that's the problem. It's you.
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post #24 of 32
thats my usual method. minus the tact.
post #25 of 32
I'm forty-seven. Forty-seven years old. You know how come I stayed alive this long? Fear. A spectacle of fearsome acts. A man steals from me, I cut off his hands. If he offends me, I cut out his tongue. He rises up against me, I cut off his head, stick it on a pike. Raise it up high so all on the streets can see. That's what preserves the order of things. Fear.
post #26 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reggs View Post
I always let road conflict go. One time this man with his family pulled out in front of me and caused me to hard break. Im driving behind this guy with my girlfriend in the car on our way out to eat. Im behind him for some time and he pulls into the restaurant we are going to. I get out of my car and just stand there waiting for my gf to get her jacket on for about a min and this guy is still sitting in his car parked watching me.

I never intended to make battle, but it was nice knowing that he was intimidated enough to stay put until I left the parking lot.

pretty much the same - I only get involved in a conflict if I see a real benefit in it, or if ignoring it can cause me harm. I try to stay very very cool.

I actually had an instance just recently when a competitor got very emotional over an issue and really tried for a year to fuck me over, and in the end my staying cool put me out ahead.
post #27 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
I only get involved in a conflict if I see a real benefit in it, or if ignoring it can cause me harm.

Wise words, my friend.
post #28 of 32
Agree with GT, only fight the battles worth fighting.
post #29 of 32
I tested the "christian driving theory" once. It states that letting people out, driving at or bellow the limit and generally being nice is quicker than driving like a maniac.

Maniac Driving Week

Journey starts at 6:29 AM every day. Drive 18 miles to my bus stop to catch the 6:59am bus. I drive faster than the limit and generally don't react well to other drivers. Overtake at every opertunity. Observations:
  • One missed bus due to traffic
  • About 51mpg (small cars FTW)
  • Fairly stressful journey

"Christian" Driving Week
Same start time and target bus. Stay with the flow of traffic, no matter what the speed. Don't overtake standard vehicles (garbage trucks and farm equipment are the exception). Let at least one person out of any turning if it is safe and sensible. Observations:
  • No missed buses (naturally this is more due to traffic fluctuation and luck)
  • About 59mpg
  • Very relaxing drive


Don't get me wrong, as a teenager, boy racer and general dick, I will still do what ever it takes to win, but my little experiment did more to reduce my stress levels than any other change I've made so far.
post #30 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by justsayno View Post
pick the ones that you can win.

the smartest thing that you can do is not start a battle that you will lose.

This is so wrong. It may be worth losing a battle if it contributes to winning a larger (or longer) war or if it sends a message.

Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
pretty much the same - I only get involved in a conflict if I see a real benefit in it, or if ignoring it can cause me harm. I try to stay very very cool...


This is the best response. Ask yourself what the long-term ramifications are. Ignore the enraged driver; fight your co-worker with everything you've got, but not necessarily directly. Strategy and tactics are a different discussion.
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