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The rebound

post #1 of 14
1/29/11 at 7:48pm
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post #2 of 14
1/29/11 at 7:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stazy View Post
Is there anything I can do to avoid just being the rebound guy?

just don't crowd her
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post #3 of 14
1/29/11 at 7:56pm
Why do you want to avoid it? Rebound Guy gets to have the sex she would not do with her BF and then she leaves you in two months.
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post #4 of 14
1/29/11 at 8:06pm
Well, if you are her rebound guy, there's probably little you can do. If she's actually interested in you, then there's some room for your actions to make a difference: Respect her space, let your understanding of her situation become a little extra tenderness that you show her, understand that if she lashes out or there are issues over what may seem trivialites, they may have more to do with the past than with you -- so be slow to be angered or offended, and talk about things in a calmer frame of mind. And though I suppose it doesn't work for everyone, I would actually talk with her about her needs going forward wrt the progress of your relationship. But the most important thing to remember is that it isn't a 'what to do with a girl in this situation' it is a 'what to do with this particular person in this situation.' IOW, most of the stuff people can suggest -- even what I suggested is just guesswork. ~ H
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post #5 of 14
1/29/11 at 8:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
Why do you want to avoid it? Rebound Guy gets to have the sex she would not do with her BF and then she leaves you in two months.

because stazy is a loverboy and he says she's the hottest girl he's ever dated, so naturally he's thinking marriage already.

Anyway, i don't think there's much you can do. Definitely DON'T go professing your true love to her any time soon; keep it light. Aside from that bit of commonsense, it depends on her more than anything else and there are too many variables to go making predictions. I'd say you have a better chance of keeping her if you're well matched physically/intellectually/financially. Bottom line is don't get too attached...
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post #6 of 14
1/29/11 at 8:23pm
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post #7 of 14
1/29/11 at 8:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stazy View Post
I don't really "like" dating. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone I at least want there to be long term potential. I guess I'm old fashioned in that regard...
I feel the same. I would say that we are in the minority. It is a more difficult path to embark on a relationship in that way -- you have to keep the effects of your actions on a possible future in mind. Its much easier to be casual, and let everything fall to the will of the wisp; if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and who cares? I can't live that way though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stazy View Post
Well spoken as always.
Thank you. ~ H
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post #8 of 14
1/29/11 at 10:39pm
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Originally Posted by Huntsman View Post
It is a more difficult path to embark on a relationship in that way -- you have to keep the effects of your actions on a possible future in mind. Its much easier to be casual, and let everything fall to the will of the wisp; if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and who cares? I can't live that way though.

~ H
Wow.


I may have to remember this for the rest of my life, as it encapsulates the way I feel about such things. Quoted for wisdom and truth...
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post #9 of 14
1/30/11 at 1:22am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntsman View Post
I feel the same. I would say that we are in the minority. It is a more difficult path to embark on a relationship in that way -- you have to keep the effects of your actions on a possible future in mind. Its much easier to be casual, and let everything fall to the will of the wisp; if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and who cares? I can't live that way though.

~ H

Advice I'd received at a younger age but did not really follow until much later.
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post #10 of 14
1/30/11 at 3:00am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stazy View Post
So I'm going on a date tomorrow with a girl who just got out of a 4 year relationship 1.5 months ago. My limited understanding of the situation suggests that her BF dumped her out of nowhere. She was madly in love with him.

Is there anything I can do to avoid just being the rebound guy?

just relax and be yourself... avoid any discussion about the past..... goodluck
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post #11 of 14
1/30/11 at 4:09am
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post #12 of 14
1/30/11 at 7:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stazy View Post
I don't really "like" dating. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone I at least want there to be long term potential. I guess I'm old fashioned in that regard...
Don't do it. On second thought, do it.
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post #13 of 14
1/30/11 at 8:09pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stazy View Post
My limited understanding of the situation suggests that her BF dumped her out of nowhere. She was madly in love with him.

I'm assuming the basis for that last statement was what she told you? First off, she wouldn't've have told you that shit if she was concerned about your feelings, secondly the subjective experience of one partner after a breakup is probably the most inaccurate evaluation of the situation imaginable- it could very well be true she was not in love with him at all and there was long precedent to the breakup... the dumpee always was 'madly in love' with the dumper, that's how it works, but it's most likely not true.

She made you feel insecure, enough to where you posted this thread... I would do the best of your ability to remain secure in yourself, keep it light as GQgeek said, and don't allow yourself to come off as needy or weak. I might cautiously suggest, if she keeps talking this BS about her former guy, nicely break up with her over it and if she call back you know she's interested in you, if she doesn't then she showed her true colors and you were indeed just a rebound. It's a risky step but it's worked for me.
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post #14 of 14
1/30/11 at 8:19pm
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Originally Posted by Svenn View Post
She made you feel insecure, enough to where you posted this thread... I would do the best of your ability to remain secure in yourself, keep it light as GQgeek said, and don't allow yourself to come off as needy or weak.

don't let your dopey thoughts get in the way of being yourself and enjoying your time with her. you're already letting the situation mess with your head, and it hasn't even happened yet. if your balls are shrinking now, how will they perform when you need them?

you never know what the future may bring so try not to fuck yourself up over the "what ifs"
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