Quick comic book movie review rundown for RFX: Spider Man 1 - Tobey McGwire is the mopiest fucking spiderman ever. I'm afraid that if he smiles his face might crack. Willem Dafoe is a horrid Green Goblin and Snaggletooth is just horrid. Sam Raimi sucks. Spider Man 2 - Mopey McMopeface is back and mopier than ever. Jesus, did anybody even read the fucking comic books? Alfred Molina is playing Dr. Octopus as a Shakesperian villain. I realize I hate Sam Raimi's directing style. Also, Snaggletooth's back! Oh joy! Spiderman 3 - The shittiest of the shitty. Mopey McMopeface, Snaggletooth, and the stoner king are all back. And the best part is that they ruin Venom with 10 minutes of screen time. Only a truly shitty director could pull that one off. Thank god for Sam Raimi. Hulk 1 - Eric Bana sucks. This Hulk is wearing some sort of bulletproof green skin that makes him able to jump 100 miles at a time. What's all this touchy feely shit? This Wangs Chun. Hulk 2 - Edward Norton - This guy's a bit better. Villain sucks. Movie still sucks. Again, does nobody even read these fucking books? Batman Begins - Christain Bale sounds like Tom Waits gargling hot asphalt. Was the point there to make him sound like he's got COPD? Fucking A. Christopher Nolan sucks. Liam Nieson was completely wasted in his 10 minutes of screen time. Ras was epic in the books. Here he's a mid-level pansy. Two Face was very good but only on screen for 5 minutes. Christopher Nolan sucks. The Dark Knight - Again with the gargling hot asphalt? Why, because it was so universally loved in the first one? Heath Ledger decides to take the funniest, craziest character in all DC books and turn him into Mr. Serious. Why so serious? No, the better question is why such a shitty actor? Christopher Nolan sucks. The plot is ridiculous. Iron Man - Finally some decent casting. Downey was made for this role. Jon Favreau is such a shitty director that he almost manages to fuck the whole thing up. Gwenyth is a waste of space. Iron Man 2 (better title - Favreau finally gets to fuck up) - see, told you he'd fuck up. Not even Downey can save this submarine from hitting the bottom of the ocean. God what a turd. Scarlet in tights is not even enough to save this movie from shitdom. Favreau sucks. Don Cheadle is the worst casting choice since Tommy Lee Jones as Two Face.