the arm, I'd encourage you to try on some TOJ if possible. What city are you in? Maybe someone can help you out. I have similar chest and waist (39 chest, 29 waist) and I kind of have decided TOJ doesn't work for my body. I still hold out hope tho. I have a TOJ1 in 50 (varsity usually needs size +1) and it is so tight in the armholes (lats I guess) but rather big and blousey in the waist. Perhaps if you are doing custom MDR it will work out. But I'd have to think you'd be a 50. Then again, Charly is good at sizing. I'd really suggest trying on some TOJ.
All of the non customizable leathers were the same way with me. I've got three leathers so far and none have felt that way. For reference, I'm at 39 (maybe 40 now) chest and 30-31 waist. Shoulders are actually the same or larger than The-Arm's. Honestly, I really don't know the reason for the discrepancy but between the Anniversary Harrington, TOJ1, and even my recent BBall (not as bad because I sized up) they all feel like that. Leathers are completely different.