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Married SFers: How much did your wedding cost? - Page 13

post #181 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by spb_lady View Post
The more I read SF wedding related threads the more weird I feel...

I think wedding is an important step in relationships between two people in love. True. And it is this feeling that makes a wedding day so special. Not the money you've spent on it. And not the price of your engagement ring.

A perfect wedding for me is a happy, fun and warm day with the man you love and your closest people... which might be about 15 from my side, but definitely not 100!

And I absolutely don't give a damn about the rings. I won't be able to distinguish between rings of different brands, thanx to ads I only know that Tiffany's box is blue, I have no idea about diamonds and have no crush on them. I prefer silver to gold and have a very special taste in jewelry. Decent designer's things usually get much more of my attention than things by super expencive brands. Will it make me happier if somebody will propose to me with an expensive ring? No.

And I don't want to compete with somebody in terms of rings or wedding costs.

Am I a girl after this?..

+1

You hit the nail on the head. If you read the diamond engagement ring thread, some men obviously feel pressured to buy that perfect ring, because their girlfriend will be disgusted with them if they don't get the perfect diamond in the blue box. Certain posters are clearly spending money to impress and so that she will have bragging rights with her new rock, but that is not what it should be about. You have the right frame of mind.
post #182 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by spb_lady View Post
The more I read SF wedding related threads the more weird I feel...

I think wedding is an important step in relationships between two people in love. True. And it is this feeling that makes a wedding day so special. Not the money you've spent on it. And not the price of your engagement ring.

A perfect wedding for me is a happy, fun and warm day with the man you love and your closest people... which might be about 15 from my side, but definitely not 100!

And I absolutely don't give a damn about the rings. I won't be able to distinguish between rings of different brands, thanx to ads I only know that Tiffany's box is blue, I have no idea about diamonds and have no crush on them. I prefer silver to gold and have a very special taste in jewelry. Decent designer's things usually get much more of my attention than things by super expencive brands. Will it make me happier if somebody will propose to me with an expensive ring? No.

And I don't want to compete with somebody in terms of rings or wedding costs.

Am I a girl after this?..

We are having 45 people at my wedding... I think it is about 20-30 too many.
post #183 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad Hatter View Post
I don't know why it's interesting to you or surprising, since men would prefer to spend the money on a kick ass home theatre system or that sports car they have always wanted over spending that money on a wedding or a piece of jewelry.

Some women don't want 30K+ engagement rings and weddings. As mind blowing as this may be for you, plenty of women are happy with a small romantic intimate wedding or even getting married at city hall if you can believe that with an engagement ring that only cost a few thousand.

I don't know about you, but I actually had conversations with my girlfriend at the time in terms of what she wanted in an engagement ring and wedding. She wanted a very small wedding and doesn't see the point in going overboard on a diamond engagement ring, when the ones she would pick online that she liked were under 10K anyway. If I want to go all out on our 25th anniversary for example, then so be it. But even she thinks it's stupid and the money could be better spent elsewhere as we begin our married life.

The priority was to get married. Not to show off her big diamond to all her friends and brag about the wedding.




at spb_gentleman
post #184 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by mafoofan View Post
It's interesting to me how so many on this forum see no problem spending many, many multiples more on clothing than the average person, yet balk in outrage over the idea of $30k weddings and engagement rings. Do you all live in your parents' basements while kicking around in your Lobbs?

i hear this argument here all the time. not everybody can be baller at everything. some people choose clothes. some people choose cars. but most people aren't rich enough (or stupid enough) to spend that much on everything.




i want to marry somebody like spb_lady. i want like 20 people at my wedding, not 200
post #185 of 312
My parents got married in their friend's backyard and then for their honeymoon went camping in the Muir forest. they've been married since '67.
post #186 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by indesertum View Post
but most people aren't rich enough (or stupid enough) to spend that much on everything.
Exactly. My wife and I could have easily spent way more on our wedding, but we didn't because we know how to get deals and didn't want to go into debt for the next two years. Still, the reception was at an old mansion right on the water and was nicer than most weddings we've been to. Any products related to weddings are so overpriced it is ridiculous. My wife got her dress for only $150 on clearance from a small town wedding shop and had it altered (the brand normally retails for about $2000).
post #187 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by SField View Post
you have 200 friends and family? holy shit dude
It broke down to about 100 family / 100 friends. I was really surprised how quickly the numbers added up. It snowballs once you reach an age where most of your friends (and siblings, and first cousins, etc) are married, because all of a sudden, you have twice as many people to invite. For us, it basically worked out to 100 family + 25 friends each (because each friend has a 'guest'). Also, the way we structured our reception - sort of a big daytime cocktail party with no 'sit down' dinner, etc. - meant that our guest list was not really constrained, so we erred on the side of including people rather than excluding.
post #188 of 312
If I can afford it, I don't mind spending a lot on a wedding. But I would hate to be involved with a woman that expects or feels entitled to it.
post #189 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by indesertum View Post
i hear this argument here all the time. not everybody can be baller at everything. some people choose clothes. some people choose cars. but most people aren't rich enough (or stupid enough) to spend that much on everything.

Of course. I'm not questioning a person's prerogrative to choose his indulgences. My point is that it is wrong to criticize others' indulgences without accounting for one's own. Spending a lot on a wedding need be no less reasonable than spending a lot on a suit or pair of shoes.
post #190 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by mafoofan View Post
Of course. I'm not questioning a person's prerogrative to choose his indulgences. My point is that it is wrong to criticize others' indulgences without accounting for one's own. Spending a lot on a wedding need be no less reasonable than spending a lot on a suit or pair of shoes.

Spending 1000 bucks on a pair or shoes or 5000 on a suit is vastly different than spending 100K+ on a wedding. At least put things into similar perspective.
post #191 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad Hatter View Post
Spending 1000 bucks on a pair or shoes or 5000 on a suit is vastly different than spending 100K+ on a wedding. At least put things into similar perspective.

I find it interesting that you seem to want to maximize the number of "things" in your life.

I would prefer to maximize the number of unforgettable memories in mine, but to each his own.
post #192 of 312
^And then not fifteen, not fifty but two-hundred-and-fifty white doves flew out of the wedding cake!
post #193 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by tj100 View Post
I find it interesting that you seem to want to maximize the number of "things" in your life.

I would prefer to maximize the number of unforgettable memories in mine, but to each his own.

+1



here's the thing with weddings - every culture has what is a basically "acceptable" format for a wedding. While I think that a barbeque or a cocktail party would be great, in many places what is expected of you is a sit down dinner. while it might be the best thing to invite 10 friends for a great meal, in many places you really are expected to invite a lot of friends, family, even workmates. you might be very willing to go against the norms, don't expect that your wife will want to.


when we started talking about a wedding, I wanted to have either 20 or so friends for a really good meal, or a cocktail party for as many people as possible. we ended up having 250-300 people for a sit down meal. in the end, I had a blast, my friends had a blast, it was a great party, and 13 years later the money issue is irrelevant. it was the wedding that my wife wanted. my one regret is that I got involved at all in the planning and created too much stress over the whole issue.
post #194 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by tj100 View Post
I find it interesting that you seem to want to maximize the number of "things" in your life.

I would prefer to maximize the number of unforgettable memories in mine, but to each his own.

That's interesting. I guess my unforgettable memories don't cost as much as yours and sometimes they are even free. It must be a burden to have to pay so much money, just so you can have an unforgettable memory.
post #195 of 312
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mad Hatter View Post
That's interesting. I guess my unforgettable memories don't cost as much as yours and sometimes they are even free. It must be a burden to have to pay so much money, just so you can have an unforgettable memory.

That line reminds me of the frat boy that always says "You party without getting drunk? How do you have FUN?"
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