The parenting thread - Page 3

I love these threads where the non-parents of SF tell the parents what to do.

I'm looking forward to going through this.

I havent read what anyone else wrote, i simply envisioned my eldest son, now 3, and I in this same situation.

First thing i would have done was knelt down and hugged the shit out of him no matter what the report card said.

I'd encourage him to keep up the good work and be completely honest about why he isn't getting that Wii or explain clearly how to earn it or when he'll get one or an alternative to the Wii.

Then comes the ice cream. He can have some too if he wants.

You are treating your son like a business problem. That is cold, and he will end up resenting you, doing worse the next time just to piss you off. You need to act like a Dad, not a project manager. He comes to you looking for a 'rise' for doing well, and you say it's not good enough. Sounds to me like he doesn't get much one-on -one time with you and that you have bought him off before with gifts. Start doing things with him that don't offer tangible rewards, just time and company, then you will see increased production from your little weekend project.

a kid is a business project - a father is in the business of raising his kids. it is the most important project of his life.

Yes, I do. I would not have been so presumptuous as to write without experience. I am sorry if it appeared a little snarky, but your predicament mirrors my own childhood, which I managed to avoid repeating, when raising my own kids. I know we guys are task driven, but raising kids is more than a 'project'.

Another parent here--I would definitely not connect the Wii to grades, epecially for an 8 year old. In my experience rewards are de-motivating and a slippery slope as others have said. He has many more years of school, and it's best if he learns to do well because he wants to, either because he enjoys what he's doing or because he values good grades.

If he's distractible, pleasing teachers is probably more of a challenge and he may be doing the best he can. Grades eventually matter a lot in high school, but at his age, "good" would be good enough for me. No offense to any teachers here, but elementary teachers generally like boys who are on the calmer end of the spectrum. If your son is not, getting all "greats" isn't likely. More important than grades are the comments from the teachers that give insight to his social and learning skills.

Delay getting the Wii as long as you can. He needs to be playing outdoors, or building structures with blocks or Lego--once they get the game console, all that other stuff is over.

What's your take on video games? My kids are younger and we're just starting to deal with their requests for them. I'm, at the moment, opposed to them. It's not because I think video games are evil, but that they're too interesting/fun. I worry that they end up making school seem boring. This is not to say that school isn't exciting or boring, but that the power of video games can make other parts of life more dull. Thus, rewarding success at school with a video game seem, down the road, somewhat contradictory.

If he is having attention problems, you need to stop him using television and computer games. Lego build blocks, Meccano, even building a bloody big train set with him. When imagination is fired, concentration follows. My kid had similar problems, so we as a family ditched the brain sucking box, and within weeks there was an improvement. It only works if you do it as a family, otherwise you will walk all over his sense of justice, which in kids is always black and white. Give him fish oil every day around 500 to 1000 mg, and walk the legs off the wee bugger. A contact sport like taekwondo etc is also good for concentration and co-ordination, and is useful when the other kids find out that he doesn't watch telly! Also sit with him when he does his homework. Kids learn by example. we had our boy trested at eleven by an educational psychologist, three years after finding out about his 'attention problem' and were very pleased that he was found to have the vocabulary of a 16/17 year old. Join your local library, and above all do things as a family. Thats all I can say.

Lots of good stuff here Globe -- you get it.


Also excellent posts!

Finding balance is difficult, because kids will instinctively queer it as much as they can. Be patient and damned persistent -- think of how many repetitions it takes to get them to say "please" and "thank you" (literally thousands ) and you have some idea of the persistence that will be necessary in saying "NO" to too much screen time (of any kind). Steel yourself to the inevitable whining -- it will pay off. Remember, your kids have lots of friends -- they don't need another "friend", they need parenting.

ok, next question -

your kid goes on a playdate with a friends family to lunch and then walk around chinatown. you give him 10 dollars from his savings to spend.

he comes home, and says that he ran out of money and asked his friends mother for more money to buy an additional knicknack, spending a total of 14 dollars - so he tells you that he took 4 bucks from the mother.


what do you do?