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Friend of mine just died while giving birth

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 
I am stunned, but also wondering what to do? Her and her husband are both Jewish, and I am not sure what I should do. The baby is doing well, but the mother did not make it through. I would welcome any suggestions.

Thanks.
post #2 of 34
Offer your condolences. Offer your help. Not much else you can do. Sorry for your loss, man.
post #3 of 34
Wow - can't really add anything to Rube's post except my condolences.
post #4 of 34
Saddening news. Offering your help to the fam is best.
post #5 of 34
Dang man. I couldn't imagine what that would be like. Rube's advice is solid. I'm sorry for your loss too man.
post #6 of 34
There is an important ritual around Jewish death called sitting Shiva which is a week long period of mourning.

It's customary for friends and family to come by with prepared food and, depending on the level of observance, participate in a brief prayer ceremony.
post #7 of 34
^He said she just died. I presume he is asking what he can do now. Shiva comes after burial. But you knew that.
post #8 of 34
Thread Starter 
She is going to be buried on Friday. I appreciate the input.
post #9 of 34
That's truly terrible news. I'm very sorry to hear it and send you my condolences.

The period between death and the funeral is just hell, and shiva is tough, too. Bring food, offer childcare, and anything else they need.
post #10 of 34
I don't mean this the wrong way, but Jews are basically going to need the same care and love as anybody else. Just do what you would want done for you, and they will receive it well. If it somehow violates a tradition, they will just let you know, but be thankful for your caring.
post #11 of 34
That's unfortunate. Not sure what your comfort level for this would be, but make a contribution to start a college fund for the kid, and encourage others to do the same...?
post #12 of 34
Wow. That's horrible. I can't even imagine what the husband must be going through. Condolences to you and her family/friends.

As others have said, just try to be there and offer help.

One piece of advice I can add is to remember that dad will still have a new baby, and he'll still be mourning, in a few weeks when everyone else has moved on. There will probably be a lot of people there for him in the short term, but they'll be gone long before the pain and new-baby struggles have subsided. You certainly want to be there for him now, but you may be able to help even more if you're there down the line a little ways when the throng of helpers starts to thin.
post #13 of 34
So sorry. Mr. G's advice is very wise. Much help is offered in the initial stages and then it starts to taper off. Dad is going to need you then, too. Let your instincts be your guide.
post #14 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by iammatt View Post
I don't mean this the wrong way, but Jews are basically going to need the same care and love as anybody else. Just do what you would want done for you, and they will receive it well. If it somehow violates a tradition, they will just let you know, but be thankful for your caring.
This. Very sorry for your loss. Just be there for her family as best you are able. Even if they're hardcore Orthodox Jews, btw, they will neither expect you to observe esoteric mourning rites, nor get mad at you for violating such. Offering your condolences and your presence will be appreciated a lot more than would an awkward attempt to observe your best guess at the proper Jewish customs.
post #15 of 34
Sorry to hear. My condolences.
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