Styleforum › Forums › Lifestyle › Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel › Need girl advice (god I hate these threads)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Need girl advice (god I hate these threads)

post #1 of 51
10/24/10 at 10:21am
Thread Starter 
Long-time lurker. I've read these threads, and hate them. Swore I would never make one. In my early-mid 20s (so is she). Anyway.

The Question
Basically, I have a good friend that's a chick. I want to tell her I think we should start dating. If this works, great. If this doesn't work, the friendship will be awkward or fall apart

The Backstory
Here's the backstory, in case anyone cares:
About August/Sept of 2009: met this girl.
- went out a few times
- nothing happened
- no chemistry
- 'relationship,' to any degree, ended.
- she got into a relationship/boyfriend with another guy.

Didn't talk to her, txt, phone, gchat, anything for six months.

About Jan. of 2010, she randomly starts texting again, asking what I'm doing, if I want to hang out, etc. Totally weird. We eventually start hanging out occasionally, and it turns out she was on the rocks with that guy.

As she's on the rocks with that guy, she starts dating an old friend of hers from years ago, and moves from BF1 to BF2.

Through April and May '10, we continue to get closer and are pretty good friends at that point. She's a student so we don't see each other at all all summer long.

Now it's October, and she just broke up with BF2.

I'm solidly in the friend-zone. On the other hand, BF2 had been an old friend from way back, who on a lark one weekend professed his love and they started dating. So maybe being in the friend-zone isn't as fatal as it usually is?

My Course of Action

I think I am going to casually mention, in a joking way, that we should start dating. Probably when we're both out drinking at some point. If she gives me a stone cold glare or is cold to the idea; well it was a joke anyway and/or I was drunk. And if she's receptive to the idea, then perfect. The other option seems to be blatantly coming out and saying "I think we should start dating" which would ruin the friendship if it failed.
Reply
Reply
post #2 of 51
10/24/10 at 11:28am
Invite her out to some bar. Flirt with her and then stick your tongue down her throat. If she resists, delete her number and move on.
Reply
Reply
post #3 of 51
10/24/10 at 11:41am
Get over it. Use her to meet other girls and date them. Live your life.
Quote:
Q: "How can I avoid a woman telling me 'Let's just be friends.'?" A: Don't ever supplicate to her. Don't put her on a pedestal. Don't become her doormat. Don't try to be her girlfriend. Don't become her girlfirend. Don't act asexual. Always understand that when first meeting a woman, you must make sure the impression you give is not one of "nice guy doormat" but rather "strong, dominent, confident, secure man". Then make sure to make your SOI known (either directly or through sub-text) and be sure to excite her imagination about you. Then turn the table around on her and make sure she gets the impression that you are screening her to be with you rather than the other way around.
Cut off contact for a month or two. If you still want her after that, just start over. Like an old acquaintance or a familiar stranger. If you've been dating other girls you'll have an easier time. You might not even want to date her then.
Reply
Reply
post #4 of 51
10/24/10 at 11:41am
Pretend to be drunk? Sad. What happened to the fine art of seduction?
Reply
Reply
post #5 of 51
10/24/10 at 11:44am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Will C. View Post
Pretend to be drunk? Sad. What happened to the fine art of seduction?

word!
Reply
Reply
post #6 of 51
10/24/10 at 12:52pm
You're dumb. Play her more distant. Agree with don't be a doormat.
Reply
Reply
post #7 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:09pm
Start flirting with other girls in her presence. Make her jealous. Bang her brains out.
Reply
Reply
post #8 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:14pm
Get drunk, get her drunk. Come on to her, see what happens.
Take her out for a meal, just the two of you somewhere nice but casual, somewhere you are going to be comfortable, nothing fancy. Buy a generous number of drinks at the restaurant, move on to a bar and then so on.
If it all goes badly you can write it off as the effects of drinking too much and most likely have nothing but a few days of awkwardness, if it goes well move on from there. I did this with a close friend and we ended up in a relationship.

For what it is worth I have also asked two of my female friends out, been shot down (as kindly as possible) and after a month or two of awkwardness remained friends.
Reply
Reply
post #9 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:19pm
I don't think talking about "dating" prior to establishment of some kind of sexual attraction is a good idea. It seems from what you wrote that you are mired deeply in the so-called "friend zone".

The good news is that I know some women truly do prefer to date someone after they have gotten to know them as friends over the long run. This is a small minority of women though.

I am not sure if I have any constructive advice. You are already aware that attempting to make a pass at her while drunk or sober may lead to awkwardness, a loss of trust, and distancing from you if she does not want you sexually to begin with.

She likely already knows you like her as more than a friend. Unless she has flirted with you significantly recently or in the past, I don't think this is likely to work out for you. Best of luck though.
Reply
Reply
post #10 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:22pm
This can go one of a few ways... 1. Guys so often confuse "being friends and hanging out" with dating potential. My advice, repeat after me, she's a dude. She's a friend. She's someone who has hot friends and becuase she's my friend she'll hook me up with them. Ie use her for friends and as a pivot at bars and stuff. It's like the golden goose. You kill the goose (date her) and you stop getting the gold (her friends). 2. You decide to turn her into a relationship. The way to do this isn't to ask her, don't beg her, don't ask her permission to date you. Just spend some time together, make sure to be a little physical and tease and play with her. Push and pull. Be nice, be mean. Keep her interested. Pretend to make a move a few times and then pull back. Keep her confused and guessing. Then at some point just play around and tell her to come closer and kiss her. Then wink and push her away. Lather rinse and repeat. Now you have a girlfriend. Or you can keep it as friends with benefits if you want. You might also try taking a break from her for a little while to give her the cold shoulder. Tell her you're super busy, don't get back to her for a few weeks, and then just call her up and say something reminded you of her and you wanted to catch up sometime. Come in as if you own her.
Reply
Reply
post #11 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Topsider View Post
About Jan. of 2010, she randomly starts texting again, asking what I'm doing, if I want to hang out, etc. Totally weird. We eventually start hanging out occasionally, and it turns out she was on the rocks with that guy.
I think this was your shot.
Reply
Reply
post #12 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:30pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master-Classter View Post

You might also try taking a break from her for a little while to give her the cold shoulder. Tell her you're super busy, don't get back to her for a few weeks, and then just call her up and say something reminded you of her and you wanted to catch up sometime. Come in as if you own her.

I have been busy the last few months, and have seen her like twice in 2 months.

To make things a bit more awkward, she's my date to an out-of-town wedding/weekend trip in two weeks. Sharing the same hotel room, etc.

Good advice in this thread though. Appreciate the replies. These threads are trainwrecks, but I've woken up twice in the middle of the night this week wrestling with this question.
Reply
Reply
post #13 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:31pm
I've had a similar situation in fact. I was friends with this girl for a while, through high school and now university. Long story short, after she broke up with her latest ex, I waited a few months to let her unwind and just be single. I had her over a few times just to hang out, and we hooked up a few times. Never ended up dating the girl..but the point is that you never know when oppurtunity arises.

My advice: Just invite her over to hang out casually.. watch a movie, make her dinner or a smaller appetizer to eat during the movie. You guys have already hung out a bunch before I'm assuming, so this more intimate scenario shouldn't be awkward. Just gradually cozy up and let things progress from there. Then afterwards, ask her if she'd want to do something nicer in the future, like dinner.

The key thing for you at this point is to break the physical barrier from friend to potential boyfriend. You already know each other well, the only thing missing is your tongue down her throat.

Edit: You should cozy up to her before the out of town wedding. Share the same bed in the same hotel room.
Reply
Reply
post #14 of 51
10/24/10 at 1:47pm
I didn't get past the part that said no chemistry/nothing happened. Because honestly anything after that doesn't matter. There's no chemistry, why force it?

I think the best advise for your situation is to meet as many other women as you can.
Reply
Reply
post #15 of 51
10/24/10 at 7:56pm
I wouldn't joke about it, I would seriously ask her when are we gonna hook up? like it's something that you know is gonna happen.
Reply
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
Styleforum › Forums › Lifestyle › Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel › Need girl advice (god I hate these threads)