Originally Posted by AvariceBespoke
i tre merli
Q. I need you to recommend a restaurant. I'm a 35-year-old professional in Manhattan, and I am looking for a place where I can take my boys from the office to meet this smoking-hot girl I hooked up with at Lily Pond in the Hamptons this summer.
Me and my team, we're big into that whole meatpacking district thing. We like steak, veal. Maybe Italian food? There's one dude from Mexico City who eats only fish, which is weird. Maybe this girl would eat fish, too. I don't know. We've been to something like 10 restaurants now, and I think her favorite foods are truffle fries and ketchup. But she drinks Champagne. So maybe bottle service?
Speaking of, this place has to be exclusive. I need a little exclusivity to offset the fact that I'm taking a girl to dinner with six dudes who do math for a living, and not six girls who look just like her. Usually, she likes to eat in a room with women who look like beautiful giraffes and dudes tall enough to look down on them.
Which is, by the way, a message I totally endorse: I'm a former rugby back, 6-foot-3, 220!
Finally, if there's a guy in the restroom who could hand me a towel after I'm done doing my business in there and washing my hands, maybe give me a mint or something? I would be into that. Old school! I would tip that guy $5 just for being there, you know?