6.) A high school student came in with his mom to buy a suit for his graduation. I measured him to be 38T (very rare size—not a lot in stock, if at all) and I showed him the few we had. He chose one he liked and when he put on the jacket, he said he wanted something bigger. I gave him a 40T and he declared that was too small and that he wanted something even bigger.
Even the 38T would need to be taken in a little on the sides. The kid said he wanted something even bigger than the 40T.
I asked him incredulously, “How much bigger?”
He said, “Very big.”
I told him that his waist size is 31 and that the pant size that came with the 40T was 34” and that would be far too big for him and, therefore, he CANNOT possibly go any bigger than 38T.
His mom said, “That’s okay. He’ll just wear a rope around his waist."
I said, “Excuse me?”
The mother said, “Yes, he’ll just tie a rope around his waist.”
The kid lifted up his t-shirt and I saw an actual ROPE tied around the waist of his size 38” waist jeans which he was wearing so low I could see all of his underwear.
“See? He likes wearing his pants like that. Can you give him the bigger size he wants, please?”
I said, “Madam, I will not do that. I would be doing you and your son a serious disservice if I let you buy this suit in such a monstrously ginormous size. If that’s the size you really want, then I cannot help you; in fact, I do not want to be responsible for swindling you and for making your son look like a complete mess at his graduation. You really should go elsewhere for a suit.”
Mom responded, “Well, I don’t see why it’s so difficult for him to buy a bigger size. All kids these days like roomy clothes.”
“Madam, that is not the point. There is nothing more I can do for you. I would be happy to sell you this 38T but there is no way I am letting you buy this 46T for your son for his grad.” I walked back a few steps to give them room to decide what to do next. They said thank you to me for my time and left.
7.) A dad and his young boy walked into the store one day. Dad said he was looking for a black suit in a size 44R. I asked him if he was buying this for someone as a gift since he himself would be about a size 46R or 48R.
“Oh, no, no. It’s for my son here.” He pointed to his kid who was about 9 years old and maybe about 5’ 2”.
I said, “Excuse me? The size 44R is for your son?!”
Dad said his kid plays the violin in a junior orchestra and that all the kids were required to wear a black suit for performances. I told the dad that I myself wear a size 44 and that there was no way his son could possibly fit the same suit size that I wear. The dad said, “Well, can you give him one to try on?”
I said, “Sir, IT WILL NOT FIT HIM!”
“Can you give him one to try at least?”
I gave the kid a 44R black suit jacket for him to put on and dad said to the kid, “Okay, son, now go into the playing position.” The kid then went into the violin playing position and when he raised his arms up to simulate the gestures and movements involved in playing a violin, he declared to his dad, “DAD, IT’S TOO TIGHT! I CAN’T MOVE MY ARMS!!”
I couldn’t believe what the fuck was happening.
I said to the dad, “Sir, I’ll tell you one more time: The size 44R suit will NOT fit your son. I, sir, have a 38” waist. My chest is 44 inches. I weigh over 200 pounds. I wear, therefore, a size 44R suit which comes with a size 38” waist on the pants. Your son, on the other hand, is 9 years old, is CONSIDERABLY shorter and CONSIDERABLY lighter in weight than I am—by at least 110 pounds, I’d say—and your son’s waist size is [I then wrapped my tape around the kid’s waist for the dad to see] a mere 28 inches. How on earth can your son wear the SAME suit size that I wear? Can you explain that to me? Are you saying your son is the SAME IDENTICAL physical size, SAME IDENTICAL physical stature, and SAME IDENTICAL weight as I? If he is, then that is the only way your son can wear a size 44R suit. So, sir, are you saying your son and I are identical clones of each other?”
At this point, the dad was red in the face. Not with anger, though. I could tell his face was red with embarrassment. He hung his head low and mumbled to me in a half-whisper, “ . . . well, maybe I should ask the other parents where they buy their kids’ suits . . . “ He then turned on his heels and left. Thank God he also took his stupid kid with him.