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23, in a 2.5 year relationship, feeling super restless, please advise

post #1 of 78
Thread Starter 
I'm 23 and have been dating a wonderful girl for about 2.5 years now. She's good to me, family loves her, I love her family, but lately I've been feeling freaked out about us lately. Simply put I feel too young to be this emotionally involved. I feel we're on the road to marriage (possibly not any time soon, but on our way) and there's too much I haven't done or experienced. All my buddies are out chasing tail and having fun and I feel like an old married guy. I just feel too young to be in this situation. She doesn't actively keep me down or anything but the fact that we're so comfortable with each other the motivation to go out and hit the town isn't there. We stay in a lot.

I hit the bar last night with friends and was flirting with a girl. It was all squared away and exhilerating but because I could never do that to my GF I pulled the girlfriend card during the kiss/hug goodbye and ran away. Sucked, but I couldn't do that to my girlfriend.

If the GF and I were dating maybe 8 years from now, it'd be great, but at this age I feel restless. Further I don't feel it'd be healthy to sweep these feelings under the rug now only to have them explode later in life when I'm married and reflecting upon missed experiences/opportunities as a young man. She loves me so much and is so invested I feel like such an asshole for having these thoughts and don't want to hurt her, but I don't know what to do.
post #2 of 78
Chainsaw.
post #3 of 78
Ask her if she feels the same way, but mask the questions in away she won't feel something is up with you. I think you genuinely care about her, but I don't think you're in love with her. If you stay with her you will probably end up resenting her for you wasting your youth with her, and that wouldn't be fair to her. Better to let things out right now when there is no kids involved.
post #4 of 78
break up. You'll have the rest of your life to be in boring/loving relationships. You don't want to hit 45 and be angry at all the hot young poon you missed out on but are too old to enjoy.
post #5 of 78
a man on his own has the whole world. mated, he's only got half.

...on the other hand, condoms
post #6 of 78
A) There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. You're only in the wrong if you start acting on this stuff before you end it with your girlfriend.

B) If you already feel this way, I wouldn't give your relationship much hope of surviving long-term. The fact is that there's opportunity cost either way. If you stay with the girl you're missing out on all the things you list, if you break it off and start chasing girls you're missing out on the potential in that relationship. Right now it sounds to me like you value the freedom of being 23 over what the relationship provides, and if you don't take the time to experience that freedom it could really be a problem down the line (something of which you seem quite aware).

I can't tell you what to do, but I can give you anecdotal advice: I know four couples who married before age 25. Half of them were divorced before they hit 30. I'm one of the two that have made it (I'm 31), and I have a great marriage. I was like you, I started dating my wife at 20, and we married a couple months after I turned 24. Given we were so young when we got together, we have a relationship that is unique compared to those couples I know who were older when they got together. However, if I'm being honest I have to admit I realize I missed out on a lot of experiences my friends had, but I never questioned whether it was worth it. I always knew I'd rather be with MrsG. It doesn't sound to me like you can make that statement about your relationship, so that alone makes me wonder if it's the right thing for you at the moment.
post #7 of 78
[quote=texas_jack;3519920]break up. You'll have the rest of your life to be in boring/loving relationships. You don't want to hit 45 and be angry at all the hot young poon you missed out on but are too old to enjoy.[/QUOTE]

Nothing worse in life then regret!
post #8 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by P. Bateman View Post
I'm 23 and have been dating a wonderful girl for about 2.5 years now. She's good to me, family loves her, I love her family, but lately I've been feeling freaked out about us lately. Simply put I feel too young to be this emotionally involved. I feel we're on the road to marriage (possibly not any time soon, but on our way) and there's too much I haven't done or experienced. All my buddies are out chasing tail and having fun and I feel like an old married guy. I just feel too young to be in this situation. She doesn't actively keep me down or anything but the fact that we're so comfortable with each other the motivation to go out and hit the town isn't there. We stay in a lot.

I hit the bar last night with friends and was flirting with a girl. It was all squared away and exhilerating but because I could never do that to my GF I pulled the girlfriend card during the kiss/hug goodbye and ran away. Sucked, but I couldn't do that to my girlfriend.

If the GF and I were dating maybe 8 years from now, it'd be great, but at this age I feel restless. Further I don't feel it'd be healthy to sweep these feelings under the rug now only to have them explode later in life when I'm married and reflecting upon missed experiences/opportunities as a young man. She loves me so much and is so invested I feel like such an asshole for having these thoughts and don't want to hurt her, but I don't know what to do.


youre a good man to break out that gf card and run away and that you have that sort of conscience. it is ok to have those feelings. to be excited to feel exhiliration, and to try new things. it is up to you. lot of times these feelings of inadequacy comes up when you compare yourself to others. you see your friends to what they do and you look at what you do.
if you cant be happy then get out of the relationship. call it quits. of course it will be hard due to the feeling of attachment being severed. but once that's over it's a whole new world, but that is up to you.
just remember, even in marriage, even when you believe you found your truest soul mate or the best gal in the wolrd, you will eventually still have those feelings well up. i do. it is natural. but to act upon it, or , to man up and control those feelings, is entirely up to each individual.
post #9 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by P. Bateman View Post
I hit the bar last night with friends and was flirting with a girl. It was all squared away and exhilerating but because I could never do that to my GF I pulled the girlfriend card during the kiss/hug goodbye and ran away. Sucked, but I couldn't do that to my girlfriend.
.

BTW, women hate it when you do this.
post #10 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinhas
Nothing worse in life then regret!
True. On the other hand I've regretted for a long time the break-up choice I made in a similar situation. Sometimes I still do. Maybe that's me. Moral being. Think befor you act, but in the end you won't know until the weeks/months after any decission if it was the right one.
post #11 of 78
And another thing, not sure if you were being literal about it, but constantly staying in with your gf will make life a bit boring sure no matter who she is.
Going out doesn't necessarily mean hitting bars and chasing tail (the sf single guy's definition I guess).
I go out all the time with my wife we're always doing something from just having fun, visiting places, trying new restaurants, meeting family and friends, running chores, driving somewhere far who knows where, and whatever.
post #12 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by sho'nuff View Post
And another thing, not sure if you were being literal about it, but constantly staying in with your gf will make life a bit boring sure no matter who she is.
Going out doesn't necessarily mean hitting bars and chasing tail (the sf single guy's definition I guess).
I go out all the time with my wife we're always doing something from just having fun, visiting places, trying new restaurants, meeting family and friends, running chores, driving somewhere far who knows where, and whatever.

+1 Monontony will kill any relationship, regardless of how good it is.

To the OP, get out and have some fun with the girlfriend, and see how you feel after that. One of the things, I think, that kept me with MrsG is the fact that we're both very social.
post #13 of 78
Same thing happened to me when I was about 20 and had been dating the same girl for nearly 4 years. High school sweetheart. I broke it off. One of the single best decisions I've ever made.
post #14 of 78
Or you might never meet another girl like her and never forgive yourself for letting this one go. You're only feeling restless because of you. Other men feel restless because of HER.
post #15 of 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrG View Post
However, if I'm being honest I have to admit I realize I missed out on a lot of experiences my friends had, but I never questioned whether it was worth it. I always knew I'd rather be with MrsG.

this is the key right here.


so many people (and sfers) when talking about relationships the formula always revolves around "me". is this a good investment? should i get a prenup? what am i missing? how does this look to others? should i do this to my so? should i say that to my so? blahblahblah.
they separate their SO from themselves. the SO is looked upon as an article. an investment. an accessory. how sad.

your SO (or more specifically, your wife) is you. youre one.
Sfers dont get that paradigm

if these people knew truly what it means to be in a relationship with someone you really love these questions dont arise.

i dont give a dam what it looks to others because i do or respond because it makes my wife happy. i dont give a dam any other way.
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