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Perspective Needed - Is this screwed up?

post #1 of 63
8/12/10 at 5:38pm
Thread Starter 
So this is making me a little sick to my stomach so I thought I'd share it here.

Extended family member just had an extremely premature baby on account of a medical emergency. Not drug-related or anything, but she just could not carry the baby to term. The child was born @ ~25 weeks and weighs a pound and a half. Is in the NICU and will need to be there for at least several months. If I understand things correctly, this kid may have a 50-50 or maybe at best a 70-30 shot at making it.

She is being discharged tomorrow, and is going to go home. Now, home is 2.5 - 3 hours away. I do not believe she works, and even if she does, she has maternity leave and FMLA. There is a line around the block of local family members willing to put her up, us included. But she is still going home.

This little child is being entrusted entirely to the hospital, with no family contact, care, or love.

I'm sure there's very little anyone could actually do in this case - they probably don't even want you hanging around the NICU - but I'd think visiting at least once a day and being close by in the event of emergency would be important to me.

I simply cannot fathom this decision. Am I the one who's nuts?
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post #2 of 63
8/12/10 at 6:28pm
She and her significant other (?) have already gone through a lot, physically, financially, and emotionally. More is to come. For a great many people, there is no better place to recuperate than home. Being put up in someone else's home in times of great stress usually just adds to the stress, no matter how gracious and accomodating the hosts are.
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post #3 of 63
8/12/10 at 6:32pm
Why did she give birth in a hospital 2.5-3 hours from her home? What Teacher says makes sense, but I am inclined to agree with you. Are they planning to visit on weekends? Not a parent, but in the event that things took a turn for the worse I'd want to be present for my child during his/her final hours. Hope everything works out.
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post #4 of 63
8/12/10 at 6:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher View Post
She and her significant other (?) have already gone through a lot, physically, financially, and emotionally. More is to come. For a great many people, there is no better place to recuperate than home. Being put up in someone else's home in times of great stress usually just adds to the stress, no matter how gracious and accomodating the hosts are.

Very well-put, and I agree with Teacher.

I might also add that there's probably some comfort in the familiarity of routine and taking care of the probably-neglected around the house. I wouldn't be surprised if she went back to work on some part-time basis, if only to occupy her mind for a while.
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post #5 of 63
8/12/10 at 6:34pm
So many things could be at play. Since the baby has not the best prognosis, might be a defense mechanism so she doesn't get more invested in the baby that what she already is. Agree about being home after such an event too, vs. crashing at friends.'

NICU nurses are an intense lot. You can bet the baby will get a ton of attention.
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post #6 of 63
8/12/10 at 6:36pm
Your title of Stupid Ass Member is quite fitting.
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post #7 of 63
8/12/10 at 6:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bellum View Post
Your title of Stupid Ass Member is quite fitting.

I think that's a bit harsh.
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post #8 of 63
8/12/10 at 7:04pm
I think your response is justified and it is the one I would have but it's hard to say how someone will react to such an intense emotional experience. Just give her some space and plenty of support. I have a feeling she will be back sooner rather than later.
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post #9 of 63
8/12/10 at 7:36pm
It isn't weird unless she refuses to talk about the baby, prepare for a future with the baby or visit the baby at all.
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post #10 of 63
8/12/10 at 7:37pm
Agree with Pio on many counts, especially that NICU nurses are just unbelievable. ~ H
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post #11 of 63
8/12/10 at 8:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher View Post
She and her significant other (?) have already gone through a lot, physically, financially, and emotionally. More is to come. For a great many people, there is no better place to recuperate than home. Being put up in someone else's home in times of great stress usually just adds to the stress, no matter how gracious and accomodating the hosts are.
Well put, teach. OP, I wouldn't be surprised if she took one of you up on your offer to accommodate in a few weeks.
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post #12 of 63
8/12/10 at 8:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dcg View Post
Why did she give birth in a hospital 2.5-3 hours from her home?
My first question.
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post #13 of 63
8/12/10 at 9:09pm
I guess I'll be the dissenting voice and say yes, it's completely screwed up. I would lose all respect for a person who made such a decision.

A child is fighting for his life and his mother is going to go away for days at a time because she is "tired" and "stressed?" And mind you she is not leaving after weeks of a grind at the hospital-mom is leaving at the first opportunity! The first days for this baby are going to be the most perilous, and she must know there are good odds of her baby dying without her in the same zip code.

The whole idea just doesn't register with any idea of parenthood I have...
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post #14 of 63
8/12/10 at 10:27pm
25 weeks seems a stretch if the baby survives, and there might be other things unmentioned that are at play here (postpartum depression, husband & wife discussions, etc...) so can't really say its f'd up.
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post #15 of 63
8/12/10 at 10:34pm
ll

Edited by Nosu3 - 11/15/11 at 3:34pm
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